The Month of Self-Love: Week Four

Hello, My Friends,

This week I stepped out of my comfort zone. I dared to go down the hydro-slide at the local swimming pool with my grandson. Something I have never done before. The orange slide was fun, slipping and skidding along aware of the water and the next twist and turn in the tunnel. However the black tunnel was a completely different kettle of fish, so to speak. It was pitch black, you couldn’t see anything in front of you. The twists and turns happened with you not knowing which way you were going. As an adult with a strong dislike for being in a tube, filled with water, in the pitch black I think I did very well. Grandson loved that I went with him, as my body weight gave him more speed and propelled him around the corners better than on his own.

Every-time I step outside my normal operating parameters, I gain a little more confidence in myself. I feel proud of myself for pushing the envelope. For every fear faced, that is one less fear to hold me back on my journey to authenticity.

At the beginning of January I began to write daily about my journey to self-love and the lessons I have learned. We are into week four. I’m sharing them on Facebook. Look for me @authenticlivingwithlinda or @lindacodlin25.

I ended last week’s, Month of Self-Love by looking at our environment.

Our environment is made up of three categories.

  1. Our body and health
  2. Our living spaces
  3. Our connections with others

I began this week with how self-love is expressed in our living and working spaces.

Our exterior environment reflects our interior self image.

The way we think determines how we feel.

Everything we do, is to gain a certain feeling.

Feelings are the driving force behind all our actions.

An action repeated often enough becomes a habit.

Habits determine how we do, what we do.

It is in your every day activities that your future is decided.

Your home and work space is an indication of whether you are in harmony within yourself. Often the outer environment will tell a story about your emotional position within yourself. Clutter, holding onto things that you don’t like or don’t want because of past memories. Living without order due to being overwhelmed, Chaos without structure. These are internal emotions that are revealed in our external environments.

On Day 16 I talk a little about my journey of creating harmony with my home and work environment and my internal emotional environment.

The third part of our environment is with family, friends, and work colleagues.

This concept was ground breaking, and continues to be one of my greatest challenges.

In Day 17 I discuss the three types of business.

  1. God’s Business: (Universe’s Business) This is the business you have no control over. This involves things like the weather, the global economy, the political arena. Everything that is beyond your immediate control. These are God’s concerns, and because you can’t effect a direct change in the situation they are best left to God or the Universe.
  2. Their Business: (Everyone Else’s Business) This business you also have no control over. You can not make other people live the way you want them to. This is the business that most people like to play in. Telling other people how they should be living their lives.
  3. Your Business: This is the only business you can control. You can control everything that is in your direct control. You get to control your thinking and your actions. You get to decide what you want to do and how you want to do it. This is your play ground.

When we learn to live in our business and leave the other two businesses alone, we get to make the biggest strides in being responsible for ourselves, and our friends and family members get to be responsible for themselves.

The art of loving yourself involves you removing yourself from the chaos and drama of other people’s lives.

It involves you putting safe boundaries around yourself.

Ask yourself regularly. What can I do to change this? If the answer is nothing. Then look at whose business it is. Is it God’s Business? Is it someone else’s Business? or is it Your Business?

If you are always in someone else’s business rescuing them from their drama, they never get the opportunity to handle their own lives and take responsibility for themselves and their actions. You become their scapegoat, they blame you if it turns out badly. Don’t give your power away. Use it to impact your life.

If in doubt always ask yourself, Do I have direct control over this situation? If not stay out of it. Your business is about taking full responsibility for you. (Being response able to yourself.)

I cover this topic in more detail on days 16, 17, and 18 of my Facebook page @authenticlivingwithlinda or @lindacodlin25 be sure to head over and check it out.

From the three Businesses, I moved to triggers.

A trigger is anything that sparks an intense emotional reaction, regardless of your current mood, they can include memories, experiences, and events.

Being triggered, is one way our brain is trying to keep us safe. (This is the brains main job, survival.)

A trigger is generally a reaction to an event that has occurred in your past. It is calling our body to action, to move away from a perceived danger.

Often we don’t realize we are triggered until we look at our response, or some-one else calls us out our behaviour.

Awareness is the beginning of change.

You can’t change what you are not aware of.

On day 19 I cover one strategy on how I work through when I’m being triggered.

Often triggers are caused by being in some-one else’s Business and trying to get them to live to your values and beliefs, which causes conflict.

This conflict can show itself as stress in your life.

On Day 20 and 21, I cover stress and how you can manage it.

Stress is your body’s response to anything that requires action or attention. My favourite definition of a stressful situation is: One in which the demands of the situation threatens to exceed the resources of the individual.

So if we extended our resources and our resourcefulness we could reduce our stress levels.

A lot of stress is caused by being in someone else’s Business as I have mentioned, as you learn to stay within your business, and hand back the responsibility of other people’s business to them, you will find some of your stress leaving you.

Mental resilience is another way to deal with stressful situations.

Everything is created twice, once in your mind, and twice in your reality.

This means you have the ability to change your reality.

Investigate what you are thinking about a situation.

Look at where your stress is coming from. Look for the underlying thought, feeling or emotion.

Disarm these and you will be able to disarm your stress response.

I learned to become more mentally resilient against stress and emotional triggers by putting into practice looking at the facts, (without emotion), asking myself whose business is it? And working out strategies to increase my resources and the boundaries of my own business.

Head over to authenticlivingwithlinda on Facebook or to Lindacodlin25 to read the full episode.

I have listed 8 ways to help you overcome stress on Day 21.

These are

  1. Reduce your feelings of overwhelm.
  2. Be extra kind to yourself.
  3. Share your feelings with a trusted friend, family member or life coach.
  4. Keep a journal.
  5. Eat for nutrition.
  6. Move your body.
  7. Get plenty of sleep.
  8. Practice relaxation methods.

By implementing these into your daily routine you can move into a life with less stress and more ease.

You have a choice.

If you can think a thought about the stressors in your life, you can change that thought and the stress that goes with it.

Self-love is taking the road less travelled.

By implementing some of the tips and strategies I have talked about here and on my Facebook page, your love and respect for yourself will increase.

You will find with consistent action and tweaking of action, that you will rediscover who you really are, and how wonderful you really are.

Once you strip away the veneer of who you think you ‘should’ be and step into who you are and who you want to be, your relationship with yourself becomes authentic. You allow yourself to like what you like without apology.

You move from stressed out to calm and deliberate.

You become some-one who isn’t easily offended or manipulated.

You begin to Love who you really are, where you are right now.

Until next week, when we cover the last week of The Month of Self-Love. Set yourself a goal to figure out what is Your Business, and create a plan on how you can stay in it.

Linda Codlin

Self-Love is within you.

Self-love is managing your stress.

Self-Love is knowing your business and staying in it.

Meet with me everyday for The Month of SELF-LOVE @lindacodlin25 in Facebook.

If you want any help with anything I am covering in this month email me at authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com for a coaching session.

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