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The Transformation Cycle

You can only fly once you choose to give up the safety of your chrysalis

Hello, My Friends

I’m sitting on the deck writing this, it is autumn and the trees are beginning to change colour. I am enjoying the vibrant colours of greens turning to yellows as the leaves get ready to complete their cycle of life.

The fellow stags up the hill are ‘purring’ calling the does to him. The cycle of life is about to begin again for the deer. I am always so grateful for the setting we have chosen to settle in. The wildlife is spectacular, the birdsong is continuous. If I don’t remember to actually listen it gets lost and tuned out as background noise.

I was thinking about what is important to me. Recently I took a few clients through their personality quizzes, and in writing up the results and gaining feedback on the accuracy, I decided to do my own personality traits, which is where these thoughts originated.

When you scroll to the bottom of these blogs, you will notice I include a picture of my business card, on one side it has TRANSFORMATIONAL Life Coach with a caterpillar, chrysalis and butterfly.

While doing the personality quiz it reminded me of how important education and learning is to me.

When you hear a new concept or idea, generally the first few times you hear it, it slides out of your mind, like butter slides off a hot knife. However a residue remains, and as you continue to hear snippets around the new concept or idea, it latches onto the residue you heard previously. This is like the butterfly laying the egg on the food source. The egg has had to do nothing but stick to the underside of the leaf.

As the concept stirs and becomes an interest or necessity, the hatching or emerging stage begins, this is where you begin to devour all the information you can about the idea, you begin testing the ideas, and working out how they will fit in your life, this process can take weeks, months and even years in some lives.

As a caterpillar you eat and eat, taking in information, questioning beliefs and structures that have been running in your life, you begin to learn new habits, new skills, better ways of doing things, you become more confident in yourself, you are becoming a master at being the caterpillar, then one day, you have gained enough knowledge and begin to weave a chrysalis around yourself, you cocoon your self in a protective shell.

This is when all those new ideas and concepts, become part of you, you internalize the things you have been learning. It is a solidifying of new and up-levelled beliefs. When the time is right, you fight your way out of the encasing that has kept you sheltered and safe, you begin to stretch your wings. You no longer recognize your-self, you have transformed into what you were always meant to be, a butterfly.

A butterfly that doesn’t go through the resistance of fighting to get out of the chrysalis and pumping its wings, is a butterfly that dies without knowing the joy of soaring on the breeze, gliding and being at ease with itself and its surroundings.

It is my belief that each of us has some-thing we are supposed to do, be or have. This goal, dream, hope, or purpose has been within us our entire lives. We have in various ways tried to make it happen by our own strength or we have tried to stifle it, because we are afraid of it.

Where are you in the butterfly cycle? Are the egg, mostly unaware of who you are?

Are you the caterpillar, devouring information, looking for the answers?

Are you in the chrysalis, going through changes, you have the hope they will bring you to what you are seeking?

Are you the butterfly just breaking out into a new life, not yet aware of your full potential.

or Are you the beautiful butterfly soaring on the breeze, flowing with the energy of life and fulfilling your purpose?

What has been in your life, your entire life? What have you sensed you are meant to be with your life? Are you a creative person? Are you a mechanical, hands on practical person? Are you the empathetic person who instinctively know how to care for others? Are you a person who likes to serve and help others? Are you someone who loves to teach and impart wisdom? Are you a deep thinker, a philosopher? Are you a strategist, you love to work with facts and figures?

What ever your particular style is, if you find it brings you happiness, peace and satisfaction, you most likely are in your butterfly zone.

However, if you have that nagging feeling, or thought that something is missing, that you’re not quite good enough or worthy enough of the dream that keeps chasing you, you are in the caterpillar stage, you are still looking to find who you are and where you fit.

I can help you to bring your dream to life. I have the tools that will help you unlock your purpose, that will enable you to find the information you need to make the next decision on your journey.

If you are in the chrysalis stage, you are moving through a time of change, which may cause anxiety and fear, you have the ability to choose how you go through this change, you can choose peace and love, by not resisting the change but by finding what it is teaching you and by feeling gratitude that this change can be for your best.

And if you are in the egg phase, this will likely wash over you, which is okay, as something may stick and begin your growth process.

You may find that in the various areas of your life you are in different phases of this cycle. For example in your career you may have sorted out what you are good at and you are happy, and satisfied with your job, or vocation. Here you are in the butterfly stage, but you may not be earning the money you want, you may discover you have a money belief that is stopping you from achieving your next level of success, if you are unaware of the block, you are in the egg stage, if you are looking for information on how to eliminate the block, you are in the caterpillar phase, if you are in the process of changing the belief around the block, you are in the chrysalis phase. We can be in different phases at the same time in the various areas of our lives.

Here are a few different areas where you may be at varying levels in the cycle.

Relationships: Family, friends, loved ones, children, colleagues.

Health: Fitness, Diet, Wellness, Mental wellbeing.

Finances: Money, vocation, qualifications, investments, retirement.

I hope these give you an idea that this process is not a linear process, it dips and peaks as we move through each stage of our development.

To transform we must work from the inside out and the outside in. It is a cycle where one enhances the other. When we only look at our external life, of our behaviours, the things we own, and put value and trust in without looking at our internal life of thoughts, and beliefs, we tend to be like the dog chasing his tail. He is busy, just not going any where. Our thoughts and beliefs linked in with our behaviours and habits, reveal and support how we show up in our personal spaces and in our societal spaces. Together both aspects create permanent change.

Until next time.

Linda Codlin.

Email me at authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

Find me on Facebook @authenticlivingwithlinda @lindacodlin25

Connect with me for a one on one coaching appointment.

Smooth Edges Catch No Threads

People are the tools the Universe uses to smooth other people’s rough edges,

Love is the balm that heals all wounds.

Grace is the key that open hearts doors.

Power is staying in your business, when everyone is in everyone else’s business.

Hello, My Friends

Wisdom and truth through authenticity in everyday living.

Struggles make us stronger.

Life tends to give us the gifts that will bring out the best or the worst in us. And sometimes the worst looking gift brings out the best characteristics in us.

It does appear that I am growing into the next phase of my development. It seems like I have been tested for weeks. Apparently the Universe knows where I need fine tuning and has sent just the right influences to create a desire in me to hone my skills.

This past week I have had a number of things going on in the background of my life, which started to spill into my everyday. In the past, events and situations that I faced this week would have derailed me, and sent me into a self-doubting tail spin. Not so this week, I have the tools to create the life I want to live. As I coach myself, and learn to listen to and do, what my higher inner coach tells me to do, I am gaining so much more insight into who I am and who I have the power to become.

This is true for you to. You can learn how to coach yourself, and how to trust your higher inner coach that has only your best in mind for you.

This week I want to impress upon you the importance of ‘staying in your lane,’ or being mindful of keeping in ‘YOUR BUSINESS’.

I have shared this before, that there are three types of business.

God’s Business: This is the things we have no direct control over, things like world events, the weather, the political climate. Events that may affect us but that we have no way of changing it directly.

Their Business: This is the business of everyone else. Your spouse, your siblings, your work colleagues, your boss, the train driver, the coffee lady, your friends and acquaintances. What they do and say is their business and is a reflection of what is going on in their thoughts. You may be able to influence them or you may not, they are responsible for their thoughts and actions. By allowing them to be who they have chosen to be, and by allowing them to live in the manner they have chosen, even if you don’t agree, you set them free to live the life they want. You can not change any one else.

YOUR BUSINESS: This is the only business where you can make any changes, this is where your influence is. Whatever situation you may find yourself in, you have a choice in how you respond or react to it. You get to choose your attitude to it. Your business is the only place you have genuine power. You get to choose what you want to think and feel about anything and every thing. Your thoughts, create your beliefs, and your feelings, which create your actions, which determine your results.

It doesn’t matter what anyone says or does- if you don’t have a burr on the surface of your heart or mind, whatever is said or done won’t stick.

Have you ever rubbed a micro-fibre cloth over an improperly sanded piece of timber?

The cloth bunches up as it catches on the rough edges, often the cloth will leave specks of itself attached to the wood.

This is what it is like in our lives, when some-one makes a comment that rattles us a little, we give the comment mind time, feeding it and allowing it to grow until it becomes an irritation. We find we can’t ignore that comment any longer and make a defensive remark back.

The initial comment may have been valid or it may not be valid.

The second the comment was given any thought,- the cloth was being scraped over the un-sanded piece of wood, leaving specks of thread behind. The comment has had an impact and left a mark on your mind and emotions.

This is a good thing, and here’s why, this gives us the opportunity to see areas in which we have the potential to become better, to choose a higher way of responding.

When an area or issue in our lives, has been through the sander, it will have been sanded with varying grades of sand paper, depending on the roughness of our prickly edges, making them smoother. As we become smooth, the barbs that others throw at us have nothing to stick to and slide off, we have healed the wound that was allowing the hurt in.

As we learn to remain in our lane, or in our business and out of other people’s business, we learn to see that the only person we can directly change and influence is ourselves.

All actions and reactions begin with a thought.

When a comment is made, we get to make a decision about what we will think, if anything, about the comment. When the comment doesn’t produce an emotional response we know our edges are smooth on this plane.

The comments made by others are tools for us to engage in awareness. We hear the comment, acknowledge it, register the context in which it is being said, we get to notice the body language of the person speaking, and the hidden cues that go with the comment.

The comment is coming from their business, it is their opinion, their viewpoint and as such says so much about them.

When the comment triggers you, it has moved into your business.

Once in your business you get to choose how you will think and respond to it.

One way I have found to help me deal with these triggers is to write them out on paper.

Write all the thoughts you are having about the comment, the body language at the time of the comment, the way the person said it, all your perceptions of how the comment came across to you. What you are thinking, the emotion you are feeling, and where in your body you are feeling the sensation.

Write it all out onto the paper.

Using paper and pen allows you space to think, it gives you room to process and then it gives you time to look at what you have written, reading it with objectivity. Which allows you to decide if it is helpful or not and what to do about it.

If the comment is valid and is touching an exposed nerve, there is more investigating required, and deeper thought work needed to uncover the hidden belief allowing this nerve to be exposed.

This is where coaching and mentorship is so valuable and important. People on the outside are usually unbiased and can see more clearly the issues that you are unable to identify because you are too close to them.

When the wood is smooth, the cloth glides over it smoothly and nothing catches, so it is when there is nothing to be offended over, the words slide on past without you noticing, the conversation continues.

Staying in your business, gives you the power to investigate the rough edges of your thoughts, emotions and hurts, once these are healed, you have the ability to love and support others on their journey.

Until Next time.

Linda Codlin

Are you wanting to learn more about staying in ‘your business’, and how to identify and rectify specific triggers that may be continually tripping you up.

Email me at authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

Find me on Facebook @authenticlivingwithlinda @lindacodlin25

Connect with me for a one on one coaching appointment.

The Value of Self Coaching

“Before you can coach others first you must learn to coach yourself. ” Johan Cruyff

Hello, My Friends,

What a full on week this has been! Emotional triggers and land mines all set ready to explode. Facing fears and doing the uncomfortable things. A week like this reveals how far I have grown and also pinpoints areas that continue to need tweaking.

Coaching and self coaching is one of the most valuable tools I have in my arsenal to deal with the situations of life.

Have I conquered all my fears? No, it’s a bit like the onion analogy, once you have peeled off the outer layer, there is another juicier layer underneath. However, if you cut the onion in half you can get to the core and save yourself a lot of hassles. Do we do this? Even when we know what the core issue is, do we walk boldly into the middle of the mess and work on the main issue?

If you are like me, you may bravely venture in, feeling very noble that you are doing the right thing, only to have the issue slap you around a bit, leaving you feeling more wounded and hurting from the fresh bout. Retreating to a ‘safe’ distance. Avoidance, I think is what it is called. You close the onion up and pretend it never happened. Only now you know more than you did before. A mind expanded can not go back to the place it was before expansion occurred.

Now you have the nagging-ness of past and more recent events to contend with.

Healing the wounds of the past is a bit like open heart surgery, the wound has to heal from the inside out.

When my eldest son was nine, he had osteomyelitis on his sternum, he was one very ill wee lad. With antibiotics and surgery his body mended. His healing process look weeks of hospitalization, the wound on his chest had to heal from the bone out. Layer upon layer his tissues had to restore themselves. As an adult he now has the scar on his chest as a reminder of how grateful we are for modern medicine and the surgical teams that preserved his life.

I mention his ordeal as an example of how some of the emotional wounds we have from our pasts, may need to be cut to the core and healed one layer at a time from the inside out. The process will be painful, as we learn new ways of seeing ourselves, as we learn new ways of dealing with stressors and triggers. As my son went through the process of healing he had to have many injections and lines put in his veins. He was petrified of the needles and we had to distract him and at times hold him down. Was it pleasant? Definitely not. Was it necessary? Definitely.

Some of our past emotional wounds need professional people to help with the healing process.

The goal with my son was to keep him alive and to restore his health and vibrancy. We had to make hard choices and decisions, we had to face some painful times, some horrible meltdowns, of both child and adults. In the end the result was what we desired it to be. A strong and healthy child, who has grown into adulthood.

I look at weeks like this one with emotional triggers and land mines as part of the healing process, as I learn to navigate my way through and round the mines, learning which to avoid and which to heal, I become stronger.

It is my intention for you, that as life seems to send you curve balls, and the hurts of the past bubble to the surface of your life, and your emotional triggers seem to sabotage everything you touch, that you will seek help and begin the process of healing those hurts. You can have health, well-being and vibrancy. You are able to heal the emotional wounds that seem to constantly trip you up. Maybe your healing will look and feel a bit like open heart surgery. I can assure you the benefits of knowing how to coach yourself through any situation gives more freedom than burying the pain and pretending it’s not there ever can.

As a life coach I can share with you the tools I am using to navigate the land mines of emotional triggers, these tools are guiding me through life’s situations with love, wisdom and self respect.

I wish I could tell you that once you have these tools, you will never have triggers, or mines, or hurts, or any negative emotional reactions, this is not the truth, you are a human, having a human experience which involves emotions, feelings, physical bodies, and pain. What it does give you is the ability to manage your thoughts, and the ability to make better choices on what to respond to and how to respond in a way that benefits you and those around you.

If you are ready to investigate the emotional triggers of days gone by, connect with me by email at authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com or find me on Facebook @authenticlivingwithlinda or @lindacodlin25 and message me for a one on one coaching consultation.

Until Next Time

Be kind to yourself, give yourself the space to see the triggering event before you activate your response. When you look for your authentic self, you will find it.

Hope, Hugs and Love.

Linda Codlin

Grace: Extending Goodwill, Space and Time.

Grace means

That all of your mistakes

Now serve a purpose

Instead of serving shame.

Brene Brown

Picture: Aron Visuals @unsplash.com

Hello, My Friends.

This week flew by so quickly I missed my writing day, so here I am showing up a day late. Authentic Living with Linda is based around wisdom and truth wrapped in everyday events.

This weekend I went on a train trip on a seldom used track, through the middle of the North Island, I went with three girl friends, we got to see a side of the country that is not in our usual view. I am amazed at how often we were disorientated because the land marks we were used to seeing were not visible. We travelled through New Zealand’s second longest tunnel, researched the facts on how it was constructed. So interesting.

I was reminded after we’d wined, whined, and wound our way to Wellington and back, that what we focus on grows. I was mulling over our trip and the things that we thought spoiled it. Like the gentleman sitting in the seat behind us that had such a huge booming laugh, that appeared to be quite forced. From the moment he entered the car, until he exited it hours later we were to endure his raucous behaviour. The more he drank the louder he became, until that became the focus of our trip. We whined and moaned to ourselves and then to the cabin crew.

What we didn’t do was take responsibility for ourselves. We could have asked to be moved to a different seat, and even near the end of our journey when that was offered we still didn’t move. We could have actually talked to the gentleman to explain how he was coming across to us. We could have made our own fun, or joined into his fun and encouraged the entire car to make it like a mini street party.

Wisdom and truth wrapped in every day events, it is always easier to moan and groan than it is to take constructive action. I would say this gentleman has no idea how his behaviour affected those sitting near him. That he is the memory a lot of people will have taken away from a delightful event.

As a coach I teach that what we focus on grows. Did I practice my own teaching on this train ride? ‘Um, well, Not in a constructive sense, however it still proved to be true.’ Did I even think about changing my focus as an option? ‘Honestly, No.’ Does this make me a bad coach? Some might say so, I say it makes me as human as the next person. It shows me where I have room to improve and grow my thinking and actions.

This is where GRACE comes to play.

The word grace has several definitions.

At the beginning of the year I chose what I call a yearly goal. My yearly goal is to “Create beauty, style and grace in my mindset, my relationships, my environment and my business. “

This weekend has brought grace into the forefront of my mind.

The definition of GRACE I am using for this year is smoothness and elegance of movement, courteous good will to myself and to others, and an extended period of time granted as a special favour.

The grace I am needing to call into play is the grace that extends good will to myself and to others. I could beat myself up and say horrible nasty things about myself and the way I didn’t behave, or should have behaved, etc.

Those thoughts would be adding fuel to the fire of self loathing, and that is not a direction I want to live in.

I am extending myself the grace of extended time to work through the underlying thoughts and feelings that I allowed to rule the train trip and why.

Grace is a space that allows for growth, it is the pause between what you did do, and what you could have done, without judgement or guilt. It is the space of reflection, and intrigue.

Without grace, would you ever know that there was a better way? Would you ever give yourself the time to discover and own your behaviour? and Would you ever become aware that you can change it?

Grace allows the kindness that you would extend to others to be extended to yourself. It gives you room to let the fact that you are worthy, you are enough, and you are able, to sink in to your being, which gives you the courage to reach for your greater wisdom and truth in your every day.

Grace also allows for the mighty 5 second pause before you act, to make a choice that will serve you, instead of running on default, it puts you in charge of your life and your decisions.

To prevent the back ward slide into self despair, self disgust, and mental self beat ups, give yourself the grace to be perfectly, imperfect. Treat yourself as you would a small child who has just grazed a knee, or broken the crystal vase by accident. Be kind, Be loving, Be self soothing, Be generous and Be true to your more noble self.

The challenge I am putting out for us to pick up, is to be gracious to ourselves, when we perceive that we didn’t do quite as well as we could have, to allow ourselves the grace to extend the time frame for development, to give ourselves the grace of courteous good will and self love. To treat ourselves with respect.

Be true to your inner wisdom, live from your inner truth, and uncover your authentic self. You have everything you need to fill the void in your life.

Until Next Time.

Linda Codlin

LOVE: Love Offers Value to Everyone

Love Offers Value to Everyone.

No proving it

No earning it

No bargaining for it

No begging for it.

You deserve love because you are here.

You are valued because you are here.

Hello, My Friends.

The more I learn about loving myself, and loving those in my life, the more I realize I have so far to go.

Part of being a life coach for me is living the principles I am teaching and advocating.

Learning to live my life from a place of love, is like learning a foreign language. I recognize snippets of the conversation, just enough to get by but not enough to communicate fluently.

Love is a four letter word, that has the power to change everything.

L. O. V. E. Love Offers Value to Everyone.

The need to feel loved and accepted is a basic human need. Everyone needs to feel loved.

Learning to love yourself is the beginning of loving others.

You can only love some one else to the degree that you love yourself.

Think about that for a minute.

You can only love some one else to the degree that you love yourself.

When we struggle to love and accept ourselves, and all the facets of our lives that make us who we are.

We struggle to accept the love others have to give us.

When we see ourselves as less than good enough, we project that onto others. We can either act like we are less than some one else, or we can act like we are more than them.

Love: True unconditional love has us being equal to every one.

Unconditional love doesn’t rank people.

Unconditional love looks past the outward exterior that people put on, and reads the heart underneath.

Unconditional love allows people to be who they are in their journey right now. Knowing that they can change or not change if they choose.

Unconditional love doesn’t add prove it to me that you love me.

Unconditional love doesn’t barter to be heard or seen, it doesn’t state, “If you loved me you’d…”

Unconditional love doesn’t make you beg for affection or basic needs. “Tell me how much you love me, and then you can have….”

Unconditional love is love that doesn’t need to be earned. You are loved because you are.

Unconditional love allows you the space to feel what you feel, to work through those feelings in a safe space.

Unconditional love creates love.

Learning to give yourself the unconditional love that you yearn for is the start of a beautiful romance.

You are the one person who is with you always.

You are the one who talks inside you head. ( I know that sounds weird, but we all do it.) It’s called self talk, or self criticism depending on the tone and words spoken. We listen very carefully to these words. It important that they are words of kindness, and acceptance.

You are the one who decides what your reaction will be to the circumstances around you.

Choosing to learn to love is one of the toughest and most rewarding changes I am in the process of doing, being and having.

Love colours everything. It colours the way you talk about others. It colours the way you view your life, what you have, who you are and what you do.

When true unconditional love becomes part of your belief system, you become kinder and tougher at the same time. You are kinder to yourself, and you are tougher on what you allow into your life and your personal space.

Unconditional love shifts the way you see people, and how you allow them to see you. Love allows for your weaknesses and turns them in to strengths. Love allows you to admit your guilt, and have it become part of who you are without shame.

Unconditional Love offers value to everyone, because everyone is valuable.

“Rose tinted glasses,” you say.

I say, “Clear lens.” We get to see ourselves as we are and still make peace with all the unfriendly and unsocial and unethical things we have done or thought about doing.

We are humans having a human experience.

When we discover that we are ‘perfect’ in our imperfections, we can begin to accept that we are part loveable and part unlovable, but that is what makes us individual. As we finally look into the mirror of who we are, we can begin to heal the wounds that have held us captive.

Love makes a difference and it begins with you and me.

Loving ourselves.

Upgrading our thoughts, our beliefs, our actions. One tiny thought at a time. One little word of praise to ourselves at a time. One small deed of self respect at a time.

Choosing to love yourself is choosing unconditional love.

Till next time, begin to find your true authentic self, and give yourself a loving hug from the inside out.

Linda Codlin

Vision!! What you think, you see!

Every time you are tempted to see things in the light of the past, ask yourself does this bring fear, or freedom? Lean into Love and Joy.

Hello, My Friends.

This week has been a busy one. Have you ever had a job you knew you needed to do, but couldn’t quite motivate yourself to get it done? This was me. My spare bedroom had been overrun with all the the gear from the office. I put it there temporarily, while we painted and wallpapered the office. The office has been complete for a few months now, and still the mess remained.

When I get into a procrastination funk like this, which happens now and then, I use external events to get my motivation running. This week the children had a significant wedding in the family, and those traveling past my way, decided to camp over night. There was my external event. The goal was to get the room cleared out and sorted before family arrived.

It’s amazing how much you can get done in a short space of time when you are time conscious and focused. By the time my son, his wife and baby arrived. I had rehomed and sorted about six boxes of files and papers. All that was left on the spare bed were the dregs. You know all those things that fit into the “I don’t where these go,” file. I felt rather pleased with myself. Everything except this pile of papers had been homed in its permanent spot.

And I sorted them today. So happiness created.

Okay, I have been thinking a lot about love. What I think it is and what it means to my life today and going forward.

As a child and younger adult if you’d asked me about love I would have said I was happy, and mostly felt loved.

Now as my eyes have become more enlightened, I’d have to say most of my life, (truthfully, all my life) has been based on the premise of fear. Fear of rejection, Fear of reprisals, Fear of being judged, Fear of not being enough and that other’s will find out I wasn’t enough. Fear I wasn’t loveable enough. You get the picture. I was so scared to try anything new, just in case I failed.

I was brought up in a religious home, and somehow I picked up a skewed view of God.

I tell you this as background to figuring out love and how it fits in my life.

When every decision you have ever made has come from the premise of fear, or lack, it is not so easy to see love, or accept love.

The way we view things taints the way we respond to things. Looking back, (hindsight is a marvelous thing, for learning, no so great to live in, you can’t survive there though.) Looking back over the years I can see now the love of friends and family, at the time I was blind and my heart was closed off. I was forever looking for the sting in the tail of any friendship.

These last few months I have been working on my thought processes around seeing every thing through the lens of love and joy.

It is my belief, that if I can think a thought, then I can change a thought.

Seeing the world as being out to punish me, get me, or sabotage my every move, was not serving me in how I want to live my life today and moving forward.

I began to change the thought, that I’m not worthy. To the thought that the Universe has my back. I am worthy of the best this life has to offer.

I began using the thought ladder to upgrade my thoughts around love.

If love was always wanting my best, how would I think and feel in this situation?

If I loved myself totally, how would I treat myself?

If I leaned into my life through the lens of love and joy, what would I be willing to try?

If I believed that I was worthy of love, what would change in me and my surroundings?

What would I stop doing, or putting up with?

What would I begin to do and expect from others?

What if asking for what I wanted was normal, an act of love to myself and whoever I was asking something from?

What if there reply was all about them and not about me at all?

This kind of love feels a lot like freedom to me.

So my question to you is, What shade are your lens?

Would you want the freedom of love? Unconditional love for yourself and others if it was offered to you.

Would you even begin to recognize it as love? I know I didn’t.

This is a part of my journey I have just begun, I feel like I have turned a corner and the blinders have fallen off. I’m realistic enough to know that my history is deeply embedded in my brain and my habits. Learning through love and joy is not a one and done deal, and I don’t expect it to be. I anticipate this is something I will be growing into for the rest of my life.

I would like to invite you to learn more about love and joy.

Shifting the way you see your life.

If you are not getting the results you want, then I’d say you have a belief lens that is blocking your vision.

Belief lenses come in all shapes and sizes, they come in the form of I am not enough,

I am unlovable, I am not pretty enough, I am not smart enough to start a business, I am not rich enough to by my own home, I am unworthy, I am unforgivable, I am a disgrace, I am guilty.

They come in the form of I will never make friends, no-body wants to know me, what do I have to offer anyone else, who am I to want to be loved, accepted, and valued?

They come in the form of I have always been broke and I always will be, no-one in my family ever went to university and got a degree, no-one in my family ever owned their own business, I never have good luck at anything, I am poor, money runs through my fingers, I can’t find the money to pay my bills.

These are all lens’ and they can all be changed. They are thoughts.

If you can think a thought you can change a thought.

When you change the thought, you change the emotion that the thought creates.

When you change the emotion, you change the energy vibration in your body, which is the feeling you have around the thought.

When these change, your beliefs change and then your actions change, from the inside out, which makes the change permanent.

I invite you to email me (authenticliviingwithlinda@gmail.com) for coaching on how to change your life, to live from love and joy instead of fear and dread.

Also find me on Facebook (@lindacodlin25) (authenticlivingwithlinda) and investigate the topics of self love, confidence and communication.

Until Next Time.

Be your true self, and let your love shine.

xox Linda Codlin

How Important is Your Personality?

Your smile is your logo,

Your personality is your business card,

How you leave others feeling

After having an experience with you

Becomes your trademark. –

Jay Danzie

  1. Hello, My Friends.

This week, my smallest grand child stayed over night. He is so charming, engrossed in the cars he was playing with. Small children are wonderful at reminding me to enjoy the moment, they are completely focused on the now. When they are hungry, they let you know. When they are listening to music on the ipad, they are wrapped up in the rhythm, moving slowly in time with the beat.

As adults we forget how to live in the moment. To be completely wrapped in the moment, focused on what we are doing now. I love having children to stay, they always bring joy and memories.

Have you ever thought about your personality?

Personality is defined as the characteristic sets of behaviors, cognitions, and emotional patterns that evolve from biological and environmental factors. Most theories focus on motivation and psychological interactions with one’s environment.

The psychology of Personality refers to individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. The study of personality focuses on two broad areas: One is understanding individual differences in particular personality characteristics, such as sociability or irritability. The other is understanding how the various parts of a person come together as a whole.

Your personality is central to who you are, it determines how you respond to the stimuli in your environment.

Often when we don’t know our core identity and this can cause stress to us.

The Myers Briggs foundation introduced the terms,

  1. Introversion and Extroversion.
  2. Intuition and Sensing.
  3. Thinking and Feeling.
  4. Perceiving and Judging.

These terms represent ways in which we view the world around us. Everyone uses all eight of these characteristics to come degree. Each of these categories go together in pairs, and according to some are opposing characteristics.

I wonder if as an individuals, we have both of these characteristics of personality that come into play in different arenas in our lives.

Are you an introvert, or an extrovert? Do you have extrovert traits in some situations, and introvert traits in others?

An introvert is some-one who has a quiet demeanor, they enjoy their own time and company, they are perceived as socially reserved, they make decisions independently of constraints or prodding from outside influences. Introverts enjoy working on single projects without interruption, they enjoy solitary activities like reading, writing and meditating. An introvert may prefer to live in quiet, uncluttered, calm environments. Too much stimulation drains them of their energy, large crowds can leave an introvert heading for solitude to recharge before rejoining the group. Introversion is not to be confused with shyness. Introverts are equally adept in social scenes as their more boisterous counterpart the extrovert.

The Extrovert is the person who thrives off the company of other people, they are often perceived as being enthusiastic, talkative, gregarious and enjoy being in large groups of people. They enjoy loud parties, being the centre of attention. Some would say the extrovert is the life of the party, they are the entertainer. The entertainer finds the company of other people stimulating, and may find boredom setting in when having to spend extended hours by themselves. Extroverts are tuned into the culture, people and things around them, they tend to love variety and excitement.

Do you find you are energized by large groups of people? Or do you head of into the solitude of nature to recharge your batteries? You may be some-one who enjoys both of these activities, depending on your mood, and level of energy.

An Ambiversion personality is some-one who sits near the centre of the personality scale, they are both introvert and extrovert.

The Intuitive person looks at life through the lens of possibilities. It is their way of interpreting and processing information. The Intuitive interprets the information received by perception and abstract means, they tend to take a snap shot of the overall picture and draw assumptions from the information gathered, an intuitive enjoys change, they will invent new ways of doing things just because they can. An intuitive will become bored if bogged down with regular routines with out any variance. They prefer learning and gathering knowledge, thinking and working through challenging mental dilemmas, they are in their element with concepts, patterns and theories. An intuitive values initiative and inventive solutions.

The sensing person interprets life through the lens of the five senses. They take in data by sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. A sensing person will want verifiable facts, literal and factual concrete concepts that are provable. The sensing person values what the practical usage of an idea is, more than the idea itself. A Sensing person has an eye for detail, and doesn’t mind mundane work. They tend to like the familiar and trusted ways of doing things. They can become impatient when faced with theory and the abstract, preferring careful planning, details, accuracy and the known history of things. A sensory person values the practical and common sense solutions to problems.

The person with a high Thinking score on the personality test, is someone who’s evaluation criteria is more geared to logic and analysis. (Thinking in this sense is not to be confused with intelligence.) This person will write a list of pros and cons, then looking at each objectively to come to a decision. A thinking person will see inconsistencies, in what some-one says and what they do. A thinking person looks for the reasoning behind the action, or decision that has been made. They believe in truth over tact, action and task orientation, getting the job done is sometimes more important than people’s feelings. A thinking person can come across as being uncaring and indifferent, as they tend to only look at the facts, and the logical outcome of a situation.

The person with a high Feeling score is more concerned about the way a decision will impact the people affected by the decision. (Feeling is not to be confused with emotion, which everyone has.) A feeling person will weigh up people’s thoughts and ideas before making a decision, they are value orientated, they prefer harmony and compassion, having communication skills that keep the peace. The feeling person will use tact when breaking news to others, they can appear to bend the truth, and seem to be soft, and empathetic. A feeling person is the peace maker and the peace keeper in making decisions, which can create avoidance of making decisions an issue.

The Perceiving person has a tendency to be more flexible and adaptable with their outer view of the world. (Perceiving is how a person sees themselves in the world, and how they take in information and not how perceptive they might be). A perceiver is an information gatherer, they are always on the look out for more details before making a decision, they want to understand and adapt to the world, which makes them nonjudgmental, and more welcoming of new perspectives. A Perceiver can appear less organized on the outside, even though they feel organized on the inside. The perceiver tends to flow with life and situations rather than trying to change them. They work in bursts of energy and prefer to mix work with play. They can also delay making decisions until it is too late creating chaos.

The Judging person tends to make decisions in a more orderly manner, they take in information and process it, then make quick decisions. (Judging is related to the way a person see themselves in the outer world, and how they take in information, it has no connection to being judgmental) A judger appears to be task orientated, they like to get the things on their to do lists done before they feel like they can play. They are people who plan their work and focus on getting it done, sometimes this causes them to miss new information. A judger is looking for the next challenge, even before the last one has been completed.

Both the perceiver and the judger can be organized living in tidy and well managed environments. They may feel orderly and structured on the inside and look spontaneous and flexible on the outside. Or they may feel curious and open on the inside and look structured and decisive on the outside.

What do you reckon your personality type is?

You can take a Myers Briggs personality type test here.

https://my-personality-test.com/

This is valuable information to know about yourself, if you are looking at a career path, a relationship partner. Knowing how you decipher your world will help to relieve stress, and make decision taking a little easier. By knowing how you process information gives you a heads up on what is important to you, it will also give you understanding of others on how they process information and why some have more difficulty in areas that are a breeze for you.

Until Next Time, take a test and see where you sit on the scale. Use it as information to reduce stress, to make better decisions, and complete projects with enthusiasm.

xox Linda Codlin

“With Age Comes Wisdom” They say.

Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.

David Bowie

Photograph by Vivek Kumar unsplash.com

Hello, My Friends.

This week has flown by. They say with age comes wisdom, I hope so. My number increased by another digit this week, and with it the potential to heal a relationship that has been rocky for way too long.

Forgiveness is the key that has unlocked the bitterness that has lain asleep in my life.

Over the last few weeks I have been doing some serious soul searching. There are areas of life I am not happy with.

I am also not some-one who says one thing with her words and another with her actions.

It is my belief that for me to be authentic there needs to be a truth to my feelings, my actions and my words.

Every day I coach myself with the principles I am writing about each week.

I investigate my thoughts, usually based around an attitude or an action I want to improve or eliminate, I ask myself hard questions and stretch my mind to give me better answers.

I follow through on the ‘random’ thoughts that my inner self gives me, and you know what? Most of the time they are spot on. I grow my confidence, in all the ways I have written about in last months Facebook Month of Confidence. Go and have a read at lindacodlin25 or authenticlivingwithlinda, it is broken down into 28 days of Confidence.

I move out of my comfort zone, and funnily enough my comfort zone eventually moves with me. Then I take the next step.

In the Month of Self Love I talked about the significance of forgiveness. It frees us from the invisible ties that hold us captive to the hurt of our past.

One of my newest rituals is after my morning jog, while I am stretching out my muscles, I mentally go back through the previous day, investigating any residual pent up emotions from yesterdays events, harsh words, miscommunications and hurts. If there are any, (Who am I kidding, IF, it’s more like WHEN.) I then choose to forgive myself and the other person.

My life is too valuable to be dragged down with yesterday’s woes.

I action, The Thoughts Create my Life philosophy, and change my thoughts. I discover the story that holds me captive to someone else’s words or attitude. Then I work at changing it, if I need to increase my safety barrier, then I increase my barrier. If I need to change lanes to stay in my own business, I change lanes, and I choose to forgive them and I choose to forgive me.

We only have one life and we don’t know when our time will be up, it is too short to be held back by the cords of unforgiveness and bitterness.

This week I would encourage you to have a look at my Facebook page, authenticlivingwithlinda or @lindacodlin25 there is a lot of information there, if you are serious about improving your life situation, this information, if used will change your life. It has changed and continues to change mine and the lives of those I coach.

If you want to learn more hands on ways to implement these principles, email me for a consultation and we can run through the steps you need to take to bring about the result you want in your life.

I am so grateful for the freedom these principles have given me, and it is my intention that you find this freedom for yourself as well.

Until Next Time

Have a look at the Month of Self-Love, and the Month of Confidence on Facebook.

This month I will be writing about Communication, and the important role it has in the way we live our every day.

Be true to yourself, with your words, your actions, and your thoughts.

xox Linda Codlin.

Expectations, Your Secret Identity.

dock under cloudy sky in front of mountain

When you stop expecting people to be perfect,

You can like them for who they are.

Donald Miller

“When you stop expecting yourself to be perfect,

You can like you for who you are. “

Hello, My Friends.

Life has settled into its usual routine, each day following the previous one. The mornings are getting cooler, the early sky is tinged pink under the mist from the river. I put my shoes on, stretched my muscles, then walked to the open the gate. I startled a young deer that was grazing on the grass, he lifted his head, and flipped it, then bounced off down the road and into the bushes behind the houses.

It always makes me excited to see these elegant animals, the way they move so gracefully and agilely as they appear to be startled, I wonder if that is an act they put on to put us off.

This month I have been investigating confidence, what it is and where it comes from. If you want to read more head over to Facebook, look up authenticlivingwithlinda, or lindacodlin25.

What are expectations? Are they the unwritten rules that we expect everyone to know, the hidden rules that we run our lives by.

Do expectations have a lot to do with our confidence levels?

Do you know what your expectations are?

What do you expect your spouse/partner to know about you? Did you ever tell them how you like to be treated? Did you ever explain the important things that really matter to you?

Do you expect your spouse/partner to ‘just’ know these things? They have lived with you long enough that they should know what you like and what you don’t like. Healthy expectations or not so healthy? Is there even such a thing?

What about your children? Did you ever run them through what your expectations are when they are told to ‘go tidy your room, it looks like a pigsty’ ? Or what the standard is in your home about being late for dinner?

Expectations or the lack of them cause a lot of pain in our lives.

The dictionary describes expectation as a strong belief that something will happen or be the case. Anticipating that something will happen. Assuming that something will happen.

When our expectations are not met, those strong beliefs have to go somewhere, the emotion that has built up in anticipation needs releasing. Usually that release comes as a blast of disappointment in the person who didn’t met the anticipated action.

Sometimes we turn that disappointment inwards on ourselves, telling ourselves that we can’t trust others. Or that we just knew it was too to good to be true, or that we never have anything good happen to us, we always miss out. The stories continue. What is your flavour of the disappointment story?

As a girl I learned early, that if you wanted anything done, you had to do it yourself. If you wanted the job done right, you had better do it yourself or stand over the other person doing the job. Let me tell you, neither of these work. It causes resentment, in yourself and in the person you are standing over. Your energy is setting everyone up to fail from the get go.

I learned to be a ‘silent martyr’. This is funny now that I know there is no such thing as a ‘silent martyr.’ Have you ever been in the dining room, listening to someone in the kitchen banging the saucepans and clattering the plates, letting everyone in ear shot know they are NOT happy about doing the dishes. The ‘silent martyr’ is the one who sighs and groans their way through their chores. They don’t actually state what the matter is, instinctively you know to give these people a wide berth or you’ll get snapped at.

The ‘silent martyr’ has taken over some one else’s responsibility and now feels hard done by. They justify their position by stating if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. Actually what has happened is the martyr has trained those around them to wait, they know if they wait long enough the martyr will do the things for them.

Part of my teachings is to train the martyr to put the responsibility back where it belongs, and to voice what the expectation is, and then to state clearly what will happen if the expectation is not carried out.

Teaching us to stay in our own business, enables us to let go of stresses that never were meant for us. And if we happen to be the person avoiding our responsibilities by dodging the expectations of what we know we must do, then learning to be responsible and stepping into the role that is ours, will give us a sense of achievement.

The sad part about people dodging their proper responsibilities, is the illusion it gives them of having an easier life. Which leads them into the victim trap, of not feeling like they have a say in their lives, they give their power away without even realizing they’ve done it.

I have discovered that life isn’t any easier when you give your power away. Your brain and your body know what is expected of you, they know what you should be doing, and they silently or not so silently nag at us.

If I were to listen in on the conversation you hold with yourself, what would I hear? Would I hear a lot of profanity directed at yourself? Would I hear how useless you think you are? How you can NEVER do any thing right. Would I hear a lot of blaming, it’s her fault, if only he’d done … then this wouldn’t have happened? Would I hear faultfinding and nitpicking about other people? Would I hear judgments leveled at others and yourself? This internal nagging has an effect on your health. We can control what we think, but we can’t control how our body interprets those thoughts and sensations.

When you begin to let go of unrealistic expectations and perfectionism, you will begin to see you are a pretty good person. As you fill the void with positive affirmations, you will hear a difference to the way you talk to yourself. Which rubs off onto others.

What if your expectations are too low? Then raise them. The good thing is you get to decide what you want your expectations to be. You get to teach others how to talk to you, how you want to be treated. You get to decide what thoughts enhance your life and what thoughts don’t. You get to decide how you show up for yourself, how you dress, how you speak, how you do anything.

What about at work, maybe you don’t actually know what you are expected to do, where your responsibilities start and end, or what the code of conduct is. Ask, and don’t be intimidated by the blustery responses, you may find out that most of your work colleagues have no idea either. Set your own standard, and keep to it. Set it high enough to challenge you, but not so high that it demotivates you.

With expectations stated, everyone knows what to anticipate, assumptions are diminished and so are disappointments. Accountability and responsibility come into play. (These are topic for another day)

For some people these are very scary words- Accountability and responsibility. When you learn to stay in your business, and encourage others to stay in theirs, these words begin to lose their negative hold on your life, they begin to give you freedom from stress, from picking up everyone else’s unfinished projects.

Remember the three types of business.

God’s business: Everything you have not control over. The weather, politics and sports results.

Their Business: This is everything that involves other people that you have no direct control over. You actions or inactions have no bearing on these lives. Hubby choosing to smoke cigarettes, Sisters boyfriend drama.

Your Business: Every thing you do, think and feel. How you respond to others is your business, how they respond is their business. Your business is everything you have direct control over, your job, your marriage, your home, your car, your thoughts, your emotions, the food you drink, the alcohol you consume, the money you spend and what you spend it on. All your business.

When you live in your business, and put strong positive expectations in place with actions that will occur if your boundaries are breached, you will discover less stress and more freedom. You will regain your power.

Check out your Expectations, What are they? Do they serve you? Are they a secret? Share a few with close friends and family, begin to raise your standards.

Until next time, discover your authentic truth in what you expect and why your expect it.

Linda Codlin.

‘Hooked By a Feeling”

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.”

– Nicholas Sparks

Picture by Jim Strasma from Unsplash

Hello, My Friends

This week has flown by, it seems that seven days a week is not enough to do all the things I want to do.

I’m finding my days skip by so quickly, I get involved with writing and the hours melt away.

For some reason I went looking through last years diary, I was tracking down a certain date, and event.

As I read the words written on the pages I was amazed at how many had come to pass, and how many I had dropped and let stagnate.

Imagine if I had remained diligent in my goal of jogging every day, I would be feeling fitter and possibly be slimmer. This goal is again on my list to do. This time I am more determined to have the satisfaction when February comes around next year, of saying I’m doing that.

This got me thinking about all the important things I want to see happen in my life, and the seemingly insignificant things that derail, sabotage or bury them before they come to fruition.

Life has a way of capturing your attention.

If you are not alert, your minutes will slip away and with them your life.

Do you have a recurring theme, that’s like a pesky fly that doesn’t know when to quit annoying you?

I believe each one of us has certain events that run through our lives like a golden thread.

These golden threads are the values we hold dear, some are for our good and some are for our growth, they are all for our benefit.

As we learn to think on purpose and become mindful of the pesky flies that buzz in the background, not contributing anything positive to our daily living. We become aware of these threads. They can show up as consequences of behaviours that are driving our lives.

The golden threads glisten as the light hits them, revealing the character and fortitude that has been woven into the fabric of who we think we are.

Maybe the golden thread served us a long time ago, and now it is a hindrance tripping us up as we try to walk a new path.

We often need to upgrade our beliefs as we walk through the different stages of life.

Without an upgrade, the golden threads of past thoughts and habits keep us stuck in lives we no longer want for ourselves.

Have you ever wondered why you seem to always have moaning Mertle’s or discouraging Dave’s or judgmental Judy’s in your life?

I am of the opinion that these people are in our lives to teach us something. The longer we take to learn the lesson the longer they stay attached to us.

I have previously talked about triggers, and how they sit like invisible velcro hooks, unseen by the naked eye, attached to our psyche. They sit camouflaged, resting until some unsuspecting person shares their opinion, belief or judgement and accidentally spikes one of the little velcro hooks.

Then the person with the hook, reacts, unaware that they’ve been snagged. They let off a barrage of unpleasantries telling every one watching that some thing is going on.

These triggers are our emotional sensors. They let us know when someone has gotten too close to one of our pet values or beliefs, and alerts us that we need to go into protection mode.

Protection mode looks different for each situation, it may mean we become moody and pouty, or we become defensive or combative. When we are in protection mode nothing is allowed to enter.

We deflect, defer, project or attack, anything other than looking at what is actually causing the trigger.

We blame and accuse, anything to shift the uncomfortable feeling that is surging through our bodies.

The golden thread that runs through our lives is vibrating it tune.

Triggers are actually a great way to discover what emotion is being hidden.

As part of the human experience, we all have feelings. Some are ‘good’ we like these and know what to do with them usually.

Some are unpleasant, which we label as bad, these are the ones we want to avoid. And are the very emotions that have the most to teach us about ourselves.

What if the next time you have a strong reaction to “Judgmental Judy” you took a look to see what her judgement is resting on, You may find that the velcro hook is linked to some-one in your past and how they talked to you. Or to an event that caused you emotional pain and now it is has become a strong link, which may need some working to unravel.

As a life coach this is my specialty, helping people to unravel their emotional responses to triggers that no longer suit them.

Your golden thread is a reminder of where you have been in your life. The hurts that have been healed, the things you have succeeded at, the glimpses of history that rest behind your experiences.

These triggers can be the thin threads that are preventing you from attaining your goal, keeping you stuck one year from the next, in the same holding pattern.

When you heal the hook that the trigger has snagged, you will find that those people and comments no longer irritate, or give you an emotional response.

You may see the trigger for what it is, but there is no hook on you for it to latch onto.

It is my intention for you that you will uncover the main triggers of your life and heal the hook that it is attached to.

Emotional freedom is only a hook or two away.

Until next time,

Look at moaning Mertle, Discouraging Dave and Judgmental Judy with intrigue and work out how their triggers are getting caught on your hooks, so you can unravel the attitude or hurt living in the background.

xox Linda Codlin.