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Question your questions?

Asking the right questions takes as much skill as giving the right answers.

Robert Half

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.

Naguib Mahfouz

Hello, My friends.

This week has flown by for me. I have begun the tedious process of stripping wallpaper from the office walls. The wallpaper has been painted over, making the job more difficult. I’m finding the best way is to score the paper, then use the steamer to soften the outer layer for removal, and then steaming the underneath paper layer. It’s a process, and with all processes it takes time and focus. The vision I have of the completed room is what keeps me motivated when I’m hot, tired and feeling like quitting.

Questions? I remember when I had preschool children, they were learning about the world around them. They were curious, they questioned everything and everyone. Why? Why is the sky blue? Why do we sleep at night? Why do things fall to the ground when they are dropped, Why does smoke spiral up? How does the vacuum work? Why does it hold the carpet so tight? All good questions for an inquiring mind. What happens to that curiosity as we grow up? Why do we stop asking questions? Do we stop asking questions?

I think we still ask questions, but not out loud, we have turned these questions in on ourselves. For me I quickly discovered as a young girl that asking questions got you frowned on, people got angry with you and you ended up being pushed away. As a recovering people pleaser I can see how this belief has tainted the way I ask questions and interact with people.

If you have read any of my previous blogs you will be aware that I believe that what we think influences how we feel, which is the number one motivator of what we do.

Today I want to ask you a few really important questions.

What are you thinking? Right now, What are you thinking? Capture that illusive thought, pin it down. Look at it. How is it worded? If you’re like most people, capturing your thoughts is like capturing water in a sieve, they flow right past your mind without any interference.

Until you hit a pain point. A pain point is an area in your life where you are unhappy with the result you have. It might be your weight, it might be your health, it might also be in your love relationship or the lack of one. Your pain point might be your children, or your job, or the house you currently live in or any of a hundred other irritations you want to change and improve.

When you come up against your pain point, your mind becomes active looking at where you are. Lets say your pain point is being over weight. You’ve eaten dinner and feel full. Hubby makes a cup of tea and brings out the chocolate bikkies. What does your mind do? “You don’t need that, you’ve just eaten dinner.” Listen to what you say back to yourself. “oh! a couple won’t hurt me.” Then, what does your body do, if you’re like most people you’ll reach for a bikkie or two or three? Now is the time to watch and listen to the questions that cascade through your mind. “Why do I always do that?” “Why don’t I have any self control?” “Why can’t I stop at one bikkie?” “Why does he sabotage me, he knows I shouldn’t be eating those bikkies?” and on it goes. You beat yourself up. That’s not very helpful.

How are you feeling about yourself with these questions flowing through your brain? Your brain is like a super computer. With every question you ask, it goes on the hunt to find an answer, it is looking for evidence to prove what you are saying is true. As an example, lets have a look at the thought, “Why don’t I have any self control?” Your mind is now off whirling a million miles an hour to find the reasons why you don’t have any self control, it reminds you of all the times you have let yourself down, of all the times you have felt unworthy and rejected, of the times when you have felt not good enough. Your brain is looking for the evidence to join the pity party you have created with the feeling in which you asked the question.

What if you challenged these thoughts, and reminded yourself of all the times you did show up for yourself, the times that you did follow the diet, you did the stretches, that you are loved and worthy. The feeling would change and you would feel invigorated, renewed to continue with your healthy eating plan.

Asking questions of yourself about what you are thinking helps to clarify your thoughts. Questions give information about what is going on in your brain. A good quality question is like playing a game of squash, solo. As you ask yourself a question you hit the ball against the wall, as the ball returns to your racket it comes back with a reply, you send out another good question and the ball comes back with another great answer, you continue hitting and receiving the ball until you have exhausted all possible questions or until you have found a solution.

A poorly asked question is like hitting the wall with an uneven ball, the ball will go off on unwanted tangents, or land on the floor in an unhelpful heap. A poor question is a question that doesn’t lead your brain anywhere, it creates a negative and downgrading response. It leaves you feeling belittled and despondent. An example of a poor question is “Why do I always overeat?” Unless it is asked in the safe environment of curiosity, and self love it will come back with negative and harmful responses. Which make you feel bad, and when you feel bad what do you do? You over eat and the cycle repeats itself over and over, and you inadvertently build more evidence to beat yourself up with.

How you think, has a direct impact on how you behave. When you use quality questions to give your brain direction, it will happily go to work to find solutions. Your brain is like a muscle and needs to be exercised to grow strong. Quality questions exercise your brain. A powerful question looks like, How can I lose weight and have fun doing it? What do I want to see happen in my body? Where can I go for help to solve my issue? What can I do to increase my success in losing weight? What can I do today to create the slender body I want? If I could have, be or do anything, what would I want and why?

There are 5 key questions that if you ask them of yourself multiple times a day and write down your responses, your life will improve.

  1. What am I thinking?
  2. Why am I choosing to think this?
  3. How does this thought feel? Where do I feel it in my body?
  4. What am I feeling now? (It will always be a one word emotion) eg glad, sad, mad, happy.
  5. What thought is causing the way I’m feeling now? (Never an external event, always a thought)

If you want more information on how to create the life you’ve always dreamed of by asking powerful questions email me at authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com and we can discuss coaching options.

Question your questions is just the tip of the iceberg, that can change your life for ever.

This week I challenge you to investigate your thoughts, question your thoughts with the 5 key questions. Change is a thought away, your pain point is within healing range.

Until next week, create the life you want to live. Be your authentic self.

Linda Codlin

Certified Life Coach Extraordinaire

Do our Values Trigger our Motivation?

Connection Quotes Inspirational. QuotesGram

Friendship is born at that moment

when one person says to another,

“What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

C S Lewis

Hello, My Friends.

This week has been an interesting one for me. I was called on to do my civic duty and put myself forward to be a juror if I was called on. Some could say I have had a sheltered life, I prefer to think I have had a law abiding life. Any way this was my first visit in a court room, I found it interesting, even if I didn’t get to be a juror this time. I met some interesting people from all walks of life, giving evidence to how very different we all are, and yet how very similar we all are.

It is reassuring to know we are not alone when we feel, de-motivated and anxious, tired or grumpy. These are emotions everyone has at some point in their lives, the secret to living a life of fulfillment and purpose, filled with love and achievement is not to stay in the blah place, or the overwhelmed space. The secret is to learn how to move yourself forward to a spot that feels a little better. That creates forward momentum from a place of self love and self respect.

The energy with which we achieve anything, is the energy that we will attract more of the same. So if we pursue our goals and dreams from the place of lack and scarcity, running away from the stick, we will attract more things to run away from, even if we manage to create some form of success, it will have the feeling of hollowness and dissatisfaction attached to it.

If we create our dreams and goals with the energy of love, forgiveness, peace, abundance and gratitude we will receive much of the same. Have you ever heard someone say of the wealthy, “They have more money than they can spend in a life time, and they are still unhappy.” “Money doesn’t make you happy.” Have you seen also someone who doesn’t have money, wishing they had it and not being happy with the life have they got.

On the flip side have you seen wealthy people who have money, who are very happy, generous and kind. And people who don’t have a lot of money who are just as happy, generous and kind. I could almost guarantee that it has something to do with their attitude, their self belief and abundance mindset.

I’ve been thinking about motivation, and why some people are able to cajole themselves into doing the things that need doing, even when they don’t want to. What is the reward they get from doing it? Where does that inner motivation come from and how do we find it for ourselves if it isn’t readily on hand?

Like I mentioned last week it has to do with our desires and needs. Our core values are what drive us. We can use our values as a whip or a reward. The whip has the negative connotation of pain, and negative consequences dealt out by someone else, or the internal judge and jury we have living in our minds. The reward on the other hand has the inbuilt vibe of pleasure, and positive consequences, either from someone outside of us or within our own minds.

Every thing we do, we do for a feeling. We always move towards the feeling. Even when it may not be the healthiest place for us to be. For example you may want the feeling of connection, which is one of our basic needs. Depending on how you were raised and the ‘programmes’ you collected from your childhood, these will determine how you go about seeking this connection. If you came from an environment where beatings were your normal, you will feel that it’s okay to let someone hit you, or for you to hit others as a way of showing affection. You may even seek this relationship, without being aware of it, as it’s your comfortable place. If you’ve ever asked yourself, ‘Why do I let him or her treat me like this?” The answer will be in your subconscious values, and the way you see yourself. I’m here to tell you, there is a way out, to get the connection you desire without the harmful emotional effects.

If you came from a family where the normal was to speak with respect to each other and your views were valued and listened to, most likely you would expect nothing less, and should you find yourself in a place where you are not valued and respected, you would find it easier to speak up and take action to get the connection you are seeking in safer and healthier ways. Because your expectations and values are higher you would attract and receive the connection you desire. The reason for this is also in your subconscious values, and the way you see yourself.

What if these subconscious values were the trigger for our motivation? If you knew you could change them, would you? Would you want to find an easier way to get motivated and stay motivated for longer? And should your motivation waver, wouldn’t you want to have the handy tool to crank it up and get your wheels moving again more easily than you do now?

If your motivation were running high, imagine what you could do in, and for your life. You could create more with less effort.

It takes courage to identify the values that are preventing you from getting the life you want, the love and connection that you want. If you have that courage, and want to live a life of ease, if you are prepared to put in some work now, to have the easy flow that motivation brings email me, for a coaching session, together we can create the values you want to live your life by.

Motivation is an inside job. It lives inside each one of us, and needs to be drawn out and nurtured, and when it blossoms everything changes.

My challenge for you this week is to look at your motives for what you do. Are they coming from fear, lack and scarcity, or are they coming from abundance, generosity and love.

Until next Week, investigate who you really are and who you really want to be. Live you most authentic life.

Linda Codlin

Certified Life Coach

Email me for a coaching session, at athenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

or find me on Facebook @lindacodlin25

Motivation is an Inside Job.

“In my experience, there is only one motivation, and that is desire. No reasons or principle contain it or stand against it.” —Jane Smiley

Hello, My Friends,

This week a friend and I went for a guided tour through the Whanganui Collegiate School Museum and Archives. What a treat! The school was established in 1854, the museum has a record of all students who have ever past through it’s doors, some very talented men who have changed the way we do things in the world. The building architecture, brick and timber are stunning, the story of the earthquake strengthening and extensions and how they look amazingly like it was always there. We went through big school and the chapel. The atmosphere held the stories of hundreds of boys and the antics they got up to. It was a privilege to hear a little of our history. “Respect for our past is a key to the future”

This week I’ve been doing some reality checks. You know, you say you want to do something, and than you don’t do anything about it. Earlier this year at around my birthday, I decided that this was the year to remove the excess weight I’ve accumulated over the last 5 years. Here I am seven months on and I haven’t made any movement physically. Emotionally, however I have come a long way. I now hardly ever eat to hide from my emotions, I have learned to sit with them and let them be. Usually they pass within ten minutes or so, if not it’s usually something deeper and needs more coaching to ferret out the underlining issue.

Anyway, I’ve been mulling over why I’m not losing the weight, it’s not like I don’t know how. The true reason is I’m not committed to my goal.

Motivation is the reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. You are motivated to do, be or have anything from a ‘need’ that requires satisfying. In my case the need is not great enough to motivate me to eat better or to exercise in healthful ways.

What motivates you to do what you do?

Why do you go to work every day? To pay the bills, put food on the table, to have a roof over your head, to be able to do the things you love like fishing, skiing, dancing, hiking, etc.

What motivates you to achieve your goals? I’m presuming you set goals, as I said earlier it is usually an unmet need that is pushing you.

As humans we have the need to breathe, we need food, we need water, we need sleep, our body’s need to excrete waste and live in balance. These are the very basics of life.

We also need safety, we need to feel that we are safe, that we have security for ourselves and for our families. We have the need to be employed, to have a purpose. The need for safety spills across into our health, our resources, our property and our morality. Everyone needs to feel safe.

We also need to feel like we belong, that we are part of a group, a clan, society. We build friendships, we connect and identify with our families, we have a need for sexual intimacy. The need for connection has become very apparent with the requirement of social distancing.

That’s the funny thing about needs, once they are met they go away and you aren’t aware that you have the need, but unmet they push and drive and nag until they get noticed.

So, with that basic analysis of our needs, I’ll redirect us back to the question.

What is your motivation for what you do?

What is your why?

When you discover your true why, you will discover the motivation to do whatever it is you want. Your why is the force that guides you to fill the need that is nagging at you.

Using my weight loss goal, my why is not compelling enough to get me to change. In order to change this I am required to dig deep into the benefits that I think being slender will bring me. Things like- stylish clothes, freer movement, love and acceptance, better health, prettier appearance. Also on the flip side are the things I’ll gain that I don’t necessarily want, Like being noticed, what if I become sexy and have to deal with unwanted attention.

It’s about now that the brain starts to fire all the reasons why achieving the goal won’t work.

My work is to look at reason with honesty and decide if it is valid and if I want that to be the reason to stop me moving forward.

What about you? What is your goal? What is the one thing you really want to achieve?

What is the need that is pushing you, to achieve it?

How can you fill this need in a healthy way?

Motivation and filling your basic needs go hand in hand. Find the basic need that is wanting to be met and you will find the motivation to fill it.

Motivation is a huge topic and I have just skimmed the surface, I want to give you a quick overview of how motivation and our physical and emotional needs are intertwined, how your emotional needs drive your behaviour, and if you are unaware of this, your results will be less than you want.

Together we can walk on this journey of discovering our needs and filling them in healthy ways to create the dream lives we have always wanted.

See if you can find one ‘need’ that is creating pain in your life, if you want help to uncover your hidden stoppers, email me for a coaching session, you can live the life of your dreams, be the person you know is lurking in the recesses of your mind.

Until next time, choose to live your life authentically your way.

Linda Codlin

What’s in a week? 10,080 hours!

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction, ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step.

Hello, My Friends,

Some weeks fly by and others drag. It’s weird because they both have the same 168 hours, or 10,080 minutes.

What makes the difference?

Could it be the activities we are doing? Could it be how engaged we are in the activities we are doing? Could it be the way we are thinking about the activities? Does it make a difference if you have something planned, versus not having anything in particular organised?

This week I had minor surgery, nothing serious. Just enough to throw the proverbial spanner in the works. I was required to have a few days rest, and take medication regularly. One of my little foibles has been being disciplined in taking meds. I have to say I strongly dislike taking tablets. For my health to return it was required I take nine tablets at various times of the day, some with food and some without.

To create the necessary discipline required, I drew up a table showing the times and which meds I needed to take, when and put it on the fridge in a prominent place where I would see it, and my accountability buddy would also see it.

When you are trying to learn a new behaviour, how do you go about changing the old way of doing things? To change anything in your life, you have to decide it is worth the effort. Actually the very first thing is to know you need to change something. The quote goes, ” You don’t know, what you don’t, know until you do know.” and everything that is created is created twice, once in our mind and twice in our reality. So everything you have and do is a result of something you have thought in the past.

This is such good news, if you created your current results, it implies that you can also create new results.

I decided it was in my best interest to firstly investigate what wasn’t working, In this case my hearing, for months I knew something wasn’t quite right. Once the ball got rolling it took a few more months and a few tests to decipher the problem.

When you are looking to make changes in your life, you need to work out what isn’t working. What is not going the way you want? What is making you feel frustrated, depressed, angry?

Then you get to decide what you want to do about it. Will you complain to your work colleagues, spouse, kids or anyone who will listen? or Will you seek out advice and help from people who can give you helpful information? Once you have this information, you get to choose whether to act on it or not.

Often we don’t act because we are scared of the change that will be created. When the pain of change is less than the pain of staying the same, we change. Will the benefits you receive from changing your point of pain outweigh the cost of staying where you are? There are a few ways to decide this, the one I use most often is the two column, Pros and Cons lists. I write all the things for the change in the Pros list and all the things against the change in the Cons list, then I weigh them up, and make a decision. Once the decision is made the trick is to back yourself and go all in. Give yourself a fighting chance to make it succeed.

Sitting in the specialists office I was faced with a Pros and Cons list, surgery or no surgery. I decided on the surgery option as it gave the greatest benefit to me. Once the decision was made and the time booked and set up. Guess what? All my fears were triggered. What if??? What if I didn’t make it through the anesthetic, What if it didn’t work and I’d be worse off than I am now? What if my family didn’t know how much i loved them? What if my will wasn’t up to date? So many negative emotions and fears. I began the work of sorting out the rational fears from the irrational ones. Now, I know my brain was going into overdrive, it was trying to save me and keep me safe. I began letting my family know how I felt about them, I checked out my will to ensure it was up to date. I created a plan for each of the fears and as the day got closer there was only one left, What if I don’t pull through? Taking my inner self by the hand I soothed myself by choosing to think and trust the surgeon, as the time came I was nervous but in control.

I am telling you this to let you know that when you make a decision to change something in your life, your brain will throw up all kinds of thoughts of why it is unsafe, and impossible, for you to do it. You may be faced with I don’t have the time, I don’t have the money, I can’t do THAT!, maybe your mind will run with what will your friends, and family think, everyone will laugh at you.

The best way I know to get past these objections is to face them, acknowledge that they are there and move forward anyway. Take the step into the new life you want. Create a plan to help your mind and body know what is being expected from it. Be gentle and kind with yourself, should you make mistakes, which are actually stepping stones to success.

My going forward plan was the chart for medication and planning for rest. (Not so easy when you want to do all the things previously planned on the calendar.)

What a difference a week can make? 10,080 hours to create a beautiful and fulfilling dream life.

What will you create this week with your 10,080 hours? Imagine one action you could take everyday this week that would have a noticeable effect on your surroundings. You already know what it is, will you have the courage to take that action and make the impact, let those scary feelings, be scary. A bit like the boogey monster under the bed. His mission was to keep us in our beds, now as adults we know he is not real. Most of the scary feelings we have are self created by our brain in our younger days to keep us safe, and now as adults we can challenge them to see where the validity lies, and change the story that surrounds them.

If you want guidance on facing your fears and creating the future you’ve always wanted but were to scared to go after, email me on authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com to organise a coaching session, together we can bring to life the dreams, that have lain dormant.

Have a great week, Challenge the boogy monster in your closet, and live your most authentic life.

Linda Codlin.

Email: authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

Celebrating You!

A Good Life is a Collection of Happy Moments

Dennis Waitley

Life Should Not Only Be Lived

It Should Be Celebrated.

Hello, My Friends.

The sun is shining, the birds are singing loudly in the grapefruit tree outside my window.

This week has been a week of ups and downs, emotions are crazy things, they make you believe the world is going to end when you hear some news you’d rather not hear. Except I know it’s not my emotions, it’s the thoughts I’m thinking about the news, that is creating those wacky feelings. As I coach myself and my crazy thoughts, I find life has more balance and is on a more even keel. I know how to feel the sad, the hurt, and the fear without it swallowing me. Also a good friend to chat with is important. I am someone who figures things out by either chatting or writing. How do you figure out the things that you’re working through?

Okay, This week I thought I’d talk about celebrating. Yes, Celebrating is really important.

When was the last time you celebrated getting out of bed? We do it effortlessly, well, some of us not so easily, some of us hit the snooze button a few times, roll over and try to catch a few more zzz’s. Some of us dread the day ahead, knowing we have another day of same ole same ole, one foot in front of the other. Drudgery has set in, boredom, discontent and a day that doesn’t promise to be satisfying. Is this how you feel in the morning when you wake up?

What if you decided tomorrow morning you would lie in bed after hitting your snooze button and wriggle your toes, stretch your arms and yawn a huge loud yawn. Then thank your body that it can move, that you can feel your toes, that you have a voice and lungs to capture your yawn. Stand up and say ‘good morning’ as enthusiastically as you can.

We have so many things to celebrate, yet we don’t even see them. We see the dark, the gloomy, the ‘negative’ things that surround us. We also could see the light, the sunny, the beauty, and the ‘positive’ things that surround us. What we look for is what we tend to find.

Celebrate the smile of a child, enjoy their enthusiasm, even if it is in the form of raucous laughter, and boundless energy, or loud complaining and crying, children tend to do everything at full speed ahead, both the enjoyable and the tantrums. Celebrate them, find the joy in it, this time will pass and it’ll become a memory of “remember when”.

Celebrate, get together with friends and talk about the good things in your life, the things that have gone right.

I have found that most people tend to be really hard on themselves, beating themselves up for something they said or didn’t say and should have. Maybe you’re on a diet and have decided that, this is the week you won’t have cake. When one of your work colleagues has a birthday and celebrates with a cake for everyone. The dialogue in your head goes something like, ‘One piece won’t hurt’ ‘You said today you weren’t eating cake’ ‘It looks so good’ “She’ll be offended if I don’t have a piece.” ‘Go on you know you want a slice.’

You have two choices, to have a slice of cake- and make it a small one, or to walk away. In either situation, your mind is going to run through everything you did wrong. That’s how our minds are wired, they look for the danger, the harmful, what is not as it ought to be. We can teach our minds a better way. By learning to look at what is right, you can celebrate that you had a small piece of cake, and then make adjustments with your food later in the day. ( You never get thinner by being mean to yourself, be kind), and if you walked away, you can feel proud that you honored your agreement with yourself and give yourself a pat in the back. It is this small celebratory step that will empower you to make the next good choice, and before long you are on your way to being your slender self. From a place of self love, and self respect.

Celebrations are for all the little wins you have every day, the ones that go unnoticed by anyone else, but you know you chose to respond rather than react. You put the extra effort into the power point presentation, and you crushed it. You chose to drink water, for your health. You decided to go for a walk at lunch time instead of listening to everyone complaining about their spouses. You smiled at the receptionist who is snowed down with with demands of customers and is feeling stressed.

Celebrations are for the big things too. Like purchasing a home, having a baby, getting engaged and getting married. We tend to create events for the “big” milestones in our lives, and forget to celebrate the everyday things.

Personally, celebrating was not something I did for myself, I would celebrate the big events, of birthdays, weddings, and purchasing a new home. However I would forget to celebrate and enjoy the warmth of the sun on my back. My focus was on getting through life, keeping the house clean, raising kids, keeping them fed and clothed, earning a living to pay the bills, always looking at the next job on my to do list, which never seemed to end. I had my head down and was working to create a better life, but never enjoying the one I was living.

Life has a way of kicking you in the butt, derailing you from the mundane, making space for you to see what you have already got and teaching you to be grateful you have it. I believe we are here to enjoy our time on earth, we have the choice to lift our heads and see the flowers, see the love and joy around us. We have the ability to make space in our busy daily grind, to raise our heads and celebrate the beauty, the funny, the orderly.

Celebrate, get to know yourself. Get to know what makes you laugh genuinely, Get to know what you love? What always gives you that lift in your spirit? What gives that feeling of peace inside? Celebrate these things and surround yourself with them.

Celebrate the skills you have, the wins you have. Give yourself a pat on the back, and tomorrow when you get out of bed, celebrate a new day, celebrate new choices, celebrate being you.

Until next time, celebrate your life every day. It’s the only you have. Be your authentic self, and shine.

Linda Codlin.

PS If you want to know more about how you can celebrate being yourself, now so you can have the tomorrow of your dreams.

Email me for coaching at.

authenthiclivingwithlinda@gmail.com

How to create your ‘Pleasure Portfolio’ intentionally.

Sing like no one is listening,

Love like you never been hurt,

Dance like no one is watching,

Live like it is heaven on earth.’

Mark Twain

Photo by Talles Alves http://www.unsplash.com

Hello, My friends.

This week has been an interesting one, our mama guinea pig has produced four beautiful little snappy babies, they run super fast and are tricky to catch. We went ‘fishing’ on the weekend, no fish in the river again, although I did enjoy lying on the grassy river bank, in the sun, reading my book. Summer is coming, you can feel it in the air. Then the sun goes behind a cloud and you are reminded that it’s still spring. The trees are in bud and the hill behind us is beginning to change colour.

This week I’ve been thinking about all the things I enjoy doing.

You know, the things you do for pleasure. Not because dinner needs cooking, but because you like creating healthy meals that look and taste spectacular. Not sewing clothes because the children need something to wear, but because you love to create clothes that express your creativity and style. (In my distant past I would purchase the biggest dresses from the second hand store and make them into dungarees and dresses for my children, the jury is out whether this was done from necessity, scarcity or creativity.)

Anyway this week I’ve been thinking about living my life intentionally, and the things I do for fun.

What do I do for fun? What is fun to me? What do I find pleasing and pleasurable?

I’m an exclusive being, one of kind, (just like you, there is no-one else on this earth like you, You are an original) I like cleanliness and tidiness. Fun equals “wait for it” spring cleaning. Do I hear groans? Weird I know, I find the act of spring cleaning therapeutic, removing everything from a room and cleaning, beginning at the ceiling and wiping walls, sparkling the windows, sorting out everything in the room. Being intentional with what goes back in the room and with what I want to keep. I love to stand at the door and survey the cleanliness and tidiness, soaking up the pleasure of a job well done. ( I have to give a shout out to my mum, she taught me at a young age how to clean, with much resistance I might point out. It’s a skill I am grateful for now.) (To all you mum’s out there, sometimes, kids do actually learn what you’re trying to teach them.)

I decided to create a “pleasure portfolio” a while back. This is based on the concept of an art portfolio, where you put all your best works of art, but it’s everything you find pleasure in.

What kind of music do you like? Really like, who do you listen to when there is no-one around just you the stereo and a loud volume? Music that you identify with, not necessarily the music you grew up with, or learned to like because your parents, partner, social group like it. What music makes your toes want to tap? and makes you want to sing out loud no matter how poorly you view your singing? That’s the type of music that is pure pleasure, and that’s what goes into the portfolio.

What kind of food do you like? Have you ever taken the time to try and identify all the different herbs and spices in a meal? Try it, it’s not as easy as it sounds, it takes time to get to know the flavours and how they mingle together. What is your favourite food? Why is it your favourite food? Is it a take out meal, or a drive through meal? What do you like about it? Could you create a similar meal at home, taking your time to discover all the elements of creating a food dish, identifying the satisfaction in the creation and then in the eating of it? If you had to have one signature dish, that identified you. What would it be and why?

What kind of clothes do you like to wear? What kind of clothes do you wear? Are they the same or is there a wee bit of a gap in your wardrobe? If you could choose two summer outfits and two winter outfits what would they be? Have you ever looked at the style of others and thought that they look put together really well? What did you like or dislike about their style? The clothes we wear says a lot about us and who we think we are, how worthy we think we are of receiving love, attention, and recognition. Our clothes also speak to our inner confidence, self esteem and self belief. Clothes can also be used to hide who we are and to compensate for not feeling confident or good enough.

What do your clothes say about you? What do you want your clothes to say about you? What is your style? This also goes into your pleasure portfolio.

Hobbies, Sports and Recreation. This is a huge arena. What do you do for the sheer enjoyment of doing it? Not for the money, or the recognition, or because of social pressure. What do you do because it makes you feel fabulous, on top of the world? What do you that stretches you?

Are you into team sports? Or individual sports? Are you part of a club? What do you do that recharges your battery? What gives you energy and inspires you to do better? Think about all the activities you do, what are you doing for the sheer pleasure of it? Running, Cycling, being part of the walkers club.

This week we went to a wooden carving expo, so much talent and hard work- beautiful works of art. Is this you? What about yoga? Taekwando? Boxing? Kickboxing? Dancing? Rock and Roll dancing? There is so much to choose from. The important thing is that you enjoy yourself.

Are you a social person? Do you love meeting your friends for a drink and a catch up? Do you enjoy meeting new and interesting people?

Have a go at something new, see if you like it, you may never know if you don’t try it.

The pleasure portfolio is to capture the things you enjoy, the things that make you smile.

The look of surprise on a child’s face when you catch them being good and reward them with a hug.

A hot bath full of bubbles, the sun on your face, the purr of a cat, or the nudge of your dogs head in your hand, a wonderful creamy hot chocolate, the perfect coffee made just how you like it, the flowers in the vase, or in the garden.

It’s the crossword puzzle, the home repairs/renovations, the handcrafts, the art work, sitting reading a book or the latest story on your kindle. It’s the hug of a loved one, the text from a family member, the photographs of your last holiday. It is whatever makes you happy.

How much thought have you put into what makes you happy? Decide and then create that on purpose, for yourself.

Note it in your pleasure portfolio for the days when live feels tough, then make time to do something that refreshes you.

My challenge for you this week is to make the intentional decision to do something for the pleasure of doing it, look for something new, something different, something you once did and don’t do now, look for the delight in your every day and you might just find it.

Happy pleasure portfolio-ing. Until next time, let your authentic self free and experiment.

Linda Codlin

p.s. If you want more information how to gain more true pleasure in your life, email me on authenticlivngwithlinda@gmail.com for a coaching session.

Victims Taking Control.

The earth laughs in flowers….

Quote: Ralph Waldo Emerson Photo: Eilis Garvey unsplash.com

Hello, my friends.

The daffodils are out, they are such sunny flowers, their happy faces sharing joy. I love this time of year. Walking around the block, in the sun, when suddenly my nostrils are accosted with the sweet scent of flowers. I always have to find where the scent is coming from. In the ‘Sound Of Music‘ Julie Andrews sings about “a few of her favourite things.” One of my favourite things is smelling flowers before seeing them.

This week I’ve been thinking about being a victim. Lately we’ve had a few things on the news about people being victims, and sharing their stories of how a crime has impacted their lives. I do not want to minimize the impact that a crime or harm has done to any person. I do, however want to create awareness around the harm of staying stuck as a victim.

The definition of a victim according to the dictionary is a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action. A person who is tricked or duped. A person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment.

The victim mentality is very sneaky, it’s agenda is to keep us stuck.

A victim feels like the entire world is conspiring against them? It doesn’t matter what they do, they can never get ahead? They feel like they have no control over anything that happens to them, or around them.

A victim tends to believe that others deliberately do things to harm them or inconvenience them. Like parking in their parking spot, or that the traffic lights deliberately changed to red because they pulled up to the intersection, or that the door swung shut on them because they were about to go through it. That the cat deliberately sheds his hair on the couch, to make more work for them to clean up.

A victim enjoys sharing their tragic story with others, they enjoy the attention their story gives them. They continually live in the past, reliving the harmful scenario over and over. They believe they are powerless to change the situation or the outcome.

A victim continually puts them-selves down, believing they don’t deserve a good life, or that they are unworthy of love. A victim will speak harshly to and about themselves. They use words like, “I am just no good, no-one could love me, I’m too fat, I’m too unlovable. I always get hurt.”

A victim will blame others for everything that happens in their lives. A victim is never responsible for anything that crops up in their lives. Life is something that creates results that they can’t do anything about. They blame their spouse, partner for their unhappiness. They complain endlessly, nothing is as they want it to be. They blame the weather, the dog, the neighbour, the other driver, their parents, their brother or sister, any situation is caused by some-one or something outside of themselves. A victim will also blame themselves as well, but never take action to create change. They attack and accuse those around them verbally, in an attempt to diffuse the feeling of being out of control, powerless and hopeless.

The victim mentality is subtle.

To begin to break free from the hold of playing the victim, we have to notice it. The first step is to become aware of the language we use. Ask yourself is my language predominately negative, blaming, complaining and accusing? Do I often feel angry, hurt, helpless, hopeless, powerless, judgmental and not good enough?

If a bottle of milk slipped out of your hands and smashed on the floor, would you blame the bottle for being slippery, or would you blame your child for not putting it away after them? Do you begin the silent rant of “You are such a cluts, you can’t even hold onto a bottle of milk.” “I always drop everything” ‘ Now you have a mess to clean up, typical!”

Awareness of the stream of words you are using to describe the situation will give you a clue if victimness is sheltering in your life.

When we live in the victim mentality, we are hurt and offended easily. Everything becomes about us, everyone is out to get us. We can’t trust anyone. We think we are protecting ourselves from more harm. However the reality is that every-time we react to someone or some event from a helpless and defensive position, we give our power and control away to those people we perceive are hurting us and offending us.

How would life look if you let go of being the victim and took responsibility for one area of your life? Finances, Love and Romance, Work and Career, Sports, Health and Well-being.

Let’s say you want to lose weight. In the victim mode of operating it is not your fault you have gained weight. It’s your family’s fault, It’s the take away’s, It’s the sugar drinks, It’s the health system, it’s the food prices, it’s whatever is handy to deflect attention from your behaviour. You blame the diet that you’re currently on. You blame the weather, Your metabolism, any thing and everything. Your inner voice jumps in and tells you how you are useless and fat you are, and so on.

You have made your family, your food, your body, the weather, any thing you blame for your current condition the villain.

Every victim needs a villain.

What if you made a decision to take control of your life in this area of weight loss? You acknowledge that you need to lose weight, you figure out where you are and where you want to be. Then you make a choice, one little step towards being a slimmer you. You recognize that you have a choice, you can make a decision to walk for 10 mins, You recognize you get to choose what food you want to eat, you get to choose when you eat and when you stop eating. You get to choose to stay a victim, or you get to choose to follow your new plan and create the life you want.

Each time you make a deliberate choice you are shutting down the insidious, subtle victimness, that seeks to keep you a prisoner in your own life. Every time you make a decision to be responsible for the way you think and act you are taking the control of your life back.

The victim mentality is a loop of thoughts that spin round and round in your mind, they are usually triggered by an event in our past, and can be derailed by thinking new positive thoughts. Reading positive affirmations, gives your mind new thoughts to dwell on. Write on a card. ‘ I CAN DO HARD THINGS.” Carry this with you and when life feels hard or against you read it, and push forward.

This week I challenge you to spring clean your thinking, weed out the victim thinking that holds you back from laughing aloud, trusting that life does want you to have the best, to feel the joy of being alive. Make a step towards changing one area of your life that is creating pain and heart ache.

If you want to know more on how to break the cycle of being a victim in your life email me at authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

Until next time, be true to yourself and live you most authentic life.

Linda Codlin.

Imagination the Stuff Dreams are Made of.

In your Imagination,

You can be any one you want to be,

You can have anything you want,

Imagine – Act – Imagine – Act

You can have, be or do any-thing.

Photo by Steven Libralon (www.unsplash.com)

Hello, My Friends,

This week I’ve been thinking about Imagination.

When was the last time you dusted your imagination off? Took it out of the box, in the back of your mind and let it run free?

As a young girl, my parents purchased a house in a new development, being a cul de sac made it a safe avenue. Over the road from our house were a number of empty sections that backed onto farm land. Our avenue was nick named nappy ave, the population of children around the same age snowballed, which was great for us growing up, we had nearly ready made friends and ‘enemies’ as kids do. One of our favourite past times was to roll in the long grass, flattening it into pretend rooms. I recall spending late afternoons in the summer, laying on my back in the flattened grass, watching the clouds drift lazily by, creating animals and birds from the wispy white fluff. Imagination was never far away, I could be reading a fairy tale book and be taken off into the story. Wrapping my life around the characters, becoming the heroine, or the villian. I used my imagination to make the Saturday family chores more fun. When we polished the floor in the kitchen, I was a ballerina in my imaginary ballet socks. I had so much fun.

Now as an adult and dabbling in writing, I’m finding that re-introducing myself to my imagination is not as easy as it was. My adult brain continually interrupts with a yeah but….. that won’t work, and trails off into a monologue as to why.

When did I stop using my imagination? When did you stop using yours?

As small children we saw the invisible world in our minds as if it were visible. We built forts and castles out of over turned tables and chairs, we used the old box-thorn hedge at the end of the road as the moat to protect us of the ‘monsters’ that lurked beyond. Using our imaginations, we went places where there were no limits, nothing was out of bounds, life was exactly how you wanted it to be. At the end of the day we would come home tired from fighting imaginary battles, setting up imaginary homes, having been all over the world, conquering places we dreamed of.

As an adult I’ve learned that things are created twice. Once in your imagination, and twice in your reality. Everything we own, sit on, drive, wear, watch, sleep on, and eat from was all in some-one’s imagination. They imagined it, then began to create what they saw in their mind’s eye into reality, some of the things we have now are upgrades, of some-one else’s vision.

Imagination is one of the keys to creating the life you want? That’s why advertising is so powerful, it creates the idea, and drops it into your mind, your imagination talks to your rational mind, and you begin the process of creating the thing you saw advertised into your reality.

Imagination can also be an unsafe place to live, especially if you are trying to escape the reality of where your life is now. If your current reality isn’t what you want it to be, then create a new reality. Imagine your life as you want it to be, be very specific, note all the minute details. Imagine your life as if you are living it now, then bring that reality to life, starting right where you are.

Make the choices to create, to act rather than re-act to your current situation. Your imagination will show what to do next. Your work is trust yourself, and work on the inner critic and nay-sayer who will be telling you, “this is not possible” “Who do you think you are” “Really, you want to do THAT”

As you imagine your future the way you want it to be, Notice, who you are with?Notice how they think, how they behave. What are the people in your future wearing? who are they hanging out with? how do they hang out? What types of food are they eating? What books are they reading? What do they watch on television, do they watch television? What do they do on social media, How do they use social media?

Notice all the subtle little details, imagine what will be different in your life, and also notice what will be the same. Use your imagination to create, the drive, the motivation, to take you from the now to the future.

The only way to get from here to there is with planned action.

Ask yourself the hard questions? What do I have to let go to get what I want? What do I need to pick up to become the person in my imagination? What skill do I need to learn? What qualifications do I require?

Imagination will begin the process, action and determination will continue to keep you moving forward. When you hit a troublesome block go to your imagination and look into the future where you’ve already done it, see how the block was overcome and then do it.

Imagine – act – imagine – act and repeat.

Eventually you will make the picture/ movie in your Mind’s eye your new reality.

Imagination is a gift we have been given as children, which most of us lost as we grew up.

Join me in rediscovering the joy of imagination and action.

To the future of your dreams.

Cheers, until next time, be your best authentic self.

Linda Codlin

Legacy, the story we leave behind in others.

To my sister, gone but not forgotten.

Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you. —Shannon Adler

Hello, My friends.

This week I’ve been thinking about getting older, having birthdays, and the final roll call.

I was thinking about my sister, Sandra, who passed away 32 years ago, and the legacy she left behind. What I recall about her time on earth with us? The impact she had on those around her? How many people actually remember her and the things she did with her life?

This got me thinking about the things I have done with my life and who I am today.

Have I lived as fully and as well as I want? Have I achieved what I want my life to achieve? Do I have all the stuff, I want to have? Have I experienced everything I want to experience?

No! No! and Nope! Not even close. I feel like up until recently I’ve been living my life in a shoe box.

I lived in fear, and that fear kept me thinking small, and living a very contracted life. I had my little circle of safety wrapped around me, I was comfortable living in my shoe box. Everything was familiar, safe and secure. My shoe box was my entire life. What I didn’t realise, or allow myself to know was my shoe box was like a coffin, in a cemetery, it was holding me in, restricting me, and preventing me from creating and experiencing all the things that I have desired all my life. My shoe box was self inflicted, self restricting, and self confining. I could leave at any time.

In the leaving of my shoe box, I have had to develop different ways of thinking, and being.

One of the tools I have used to define what I want my life to look like, is to go to the end of my long and prosperous life, and ask myself these questions, and writing down my answers. (this gives clarity and allows you to see what you are really thinking, and whether those thoughts are helpful or not)

What does my life look like at 90 years old?

Who am I and Who have I had to become to get here?

What is my reason for being here?

What is my purpose? How well have I fulfilled that purpose?

What difference will I make? What difference did I make?

How will I be remembered? What legacy will I leave behind?

Who will miss me when I’m not here?

By answering these questions honestly and more than once I was able to drive down to what I want my life to mean for myself and for others.

Now this bit may seem a bit morbid, stay with me. Go forward to your funeral, you are in the middle of the congregation, people are milling around you, some are tearful, some are laughing and joking, some are reminiscing about how you touched their lives, some are pleased, most are sad.

What are they saying about you?

What do you want them to say about you? About where you are living? How you treated people? How you ran your business? Or earned your income? How you served your community?

What do you want them to remember you for? Your sense of humour? Your humility? Your generosity? Your kindness? Your sincerity? Your hobby? Your passion? The fear that stopped you? Your meanness? Your style? Your ability to read people?

Who do you want to be known as?

I have been told that when it comes time to meet our maker, people often spend the last little while in regret over what they did, that they shouldn’t have done, or in regret over what they didn’t do, and should have done. We carry our regret like a badge of honour. What if we could drop the regret and let that weight go? What if we made the choice to behave and think in a new way?

Write down three things you regret doing or not doing?

Forgive yourself and those you hurt, also forgive those who hurt you, and let go of the regret. Make a decision to live with no regrets, decide on purpose how you want your life to look.

Write down three risks you wish you had /hadn’t taken? What would your life be like now with or without these risks?

Who would you love more, or love less? Who do you wish you had been there for? Who do you wish you could show your true self to?

If you were given a second chance, how would you live it?

These questions can change your life, They can help you to let go of the past, and guide you to move into the future with confidence. Think about these questions, let them simmer, write you answers.

Then choose to create a future you will be proud to live, that you will be proud to hear people talk about at the end of your long, exciting, and prosperous life.

I challenge you to write your eulogy, as if it were to be published in the newpaper or read out at your service. What would you want to be known and remembered for? Who do you want to be? What legacy do you want to leave for the next generation? Include memories you want to create with the ones you love, places you want to visit, places you want to live, people you share your life with, communities that benefit from your time, money or skills.

Then begin to create your legacy, become the person in your eulogy. Live your biggest and most expansive life.

Remember thoughts create things.

If you can think it you can create it.

Your actions come from your feelings, which come from your thoughts.

Have fun dreaming who you know you are, let the dream out, and then move into action to create it.

Until next time, become the person you want to remembered for. Live your most authentic life.

Linda Codlin

If you want help to gain clarity, to create your legacy, email me for a coaching session.

Email: authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

$50 Million, would it make a difference?

Abundance is not something we acquire

It is something we tune into.

Quote by Wayne Dyer

Picture by Micheile Henderson (unsplash.com)

Hello, My Friends.

This week the ‘LOTTO’ draw rose to $50,000,000.00. Yes fifty million dollars. Where I am, in my present journey in life, this is more money than I could imagine. I ‘googled’ What would 50 million dollars look like?This was one of the images that came up.

50 Million Dollars in $100 bills.

What would you do with this amount of money?

This week I have been having a peek at some of my attitudes around money and wealth. This is a part of my journey that I’m still in the investigation and discovery space.

Let me share a few of the things I uncovered in my dalliance of imagining this amount of wealth in my life, and maybe it might spark an interest for you.

I asked myself a few questions. Things like.

What would change if I had this money in my life? E-v-e-r-y- thing!

Would I live in the same house? The same area? The same country? Would I wear the same type of clothes? Would I continue to do what I’m doing for a living? Would I drive the same car? What about friends and family, would having this money change me, or them?

What would stay the same if I had this money in my life? Hmm, good question.

What would stay the same? My personal hygiene routines? The way I exercise? The sun rising and setting, The people in my life?

To answer this question I had to dig deep, beneath all the surface things. Would this money change me? If so how? Would it make me a better person or not? Who would I need to become to manage all the demands that would be placed on me from other people wanting a share?

Who would I need to become to be a savvy investor?

How do I want to feel about this money? ‘I’ll never win it, my numbers never come up.’ or ‘I have the same chance of winning as anyone else, money is energy and flows where it is wanted.”

What do I want to think about money? What do I believe about money? Is it dirty? Is it hard to come by? Is it something you have to work hard for? Is it only for those who inherit it, or steal it? Money is hard to keep, it slips through your fingers like water, Is money only for those with money? There isn’t enough for everyone. and the list goes on……. What are your beliefs around money?

I’ve read the stories about people winning large amounts of money and losing it just as quickly. Relationships being strained and some broken because of mismatched values.

Throughout the week I looked at the items I purchased and asked the question, Would I be buying this if I had $50 million in the bank? I began looking at the motivation behind the purchases. What was the feeling I wanted the item to give me? Was I filling in a void? Boredom or an emotion I didn’t want to feel?

I began to ponder scarcity verses abundance. Coming from a place lack, or not having enough, or holding onto something because I may not get it again. I compared that to always knowing there will be enough, to having more than enough, holding onto something because I love it and it makes me feel good. I began to view the things I have in my home with fresh eyes.

Thinking about the 50 million dollars, and pretending it was in my bank was creating a different way of viewing wealth. It brought it to me, I started hearing myself talking about the haves, the rich getting richer, those landlord’s, all the little jibes and niggles that we poke at those who have what we don’t. By pretending, that the money was in my bank account moved me out of the have not’s and into the haves mentally. I was amazed at how many times, I knocked the wealthy, or the rich.

As I stated earlier this is an ongoing lesson for me, and one I am determined to master. I am amazed how much of my thinking is from scarcity and lack, from fear of losing what I have, or making what I have go further. Most everything I have done up to this point in my life has been done from the point of view, that there isn’t enough, that money is hard to get, and even harder to hold onto. Fear that what I do have will be taken off me.

What if I had 50 million in my bank, would it satisfy? I don’t think so. I’m beginning to think it’s not so much the money as it is the attitude and the thoughts we have about the money. I could have $50 million in the bank and still be afraid of spending it, or losing it. I could be a miser and hoard the money, I could spend it and donate it until it was all gone and I was back in the rut that I’m familiar with.

If everything is energy, and it is. Then it holds true that money is energy. The way we think about money and wealth creates energy. What if we thought that money was easy to come by, that there was more than enough for everyone? Would that take the pressure off the way we handle money? Would it release the way we think about people who have what we don’t.

I’d like to encourage you to have a think about the way you think about your money.

Do you come from a place of fear and scarcity, around money?

Or do you see the abundance around us. Nature is full of abundance.

If I were to ask you to list 10 things that you want in your life right now, could you?

I listened to a lady speaking this week about abundance, She said, “The reason we don’t like to want for things, is it reminds us that we don’t have them, and probably never will.” she then asked the question above, about listing 10 things you really want. Easy right.

Part of the lesson in wanting, she said, “Want what you already have, it takes you out of the feeling of lack and puts you in the feeling of abundance.” Aha moment, She is so right. I got to thinking about all the things I have in my life right now, that were once a want on a to do list.

The man of my dreams, A brand new kitchen, my treadmill, the children I have, the clothes I wear.

Everything I have and do right now are things that once upon a time were on my one day dream list, I didn’t know how I was going to get them back then, but here they are in my life.

She suggested, “When you write out your list of wants, make every second item something you already have and are thankful for.”

This has changed the way I look at my life and everything in it. The $50 million dollar ‘LOTTO” draw has been a catalyst to new ways of thinking and wanting.

If you’re interested in becoming more abundant, I would challenge you to write down ten things you want and then slide eight things you already have between them. Feel the blessing of those items and build on one of the I wants. Dream about it, make it feel fabulous, write it out and watch how it appears in your life.

Until next time, be your most authentic life.

Linda Codlin

P.S. The ‘LOTTO’ draw was won by many people, may the money be used to expand and increase their abundance.

If you want to discover your INNER PEACE, PASSION and PURPOSE, email me for a coaching session on authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com