Vulnerability is the ability to stand alone with your emotions when the world is a hard and rigid place.
Picture by Markus Spiske on unslash.com
Hello, My Friends
The end of the year is racing into view. Did you set goals at the beginning of this year?
Now is a great time to pull them out and see how you went in accomplishing them.
This is not a time to mentally, or verbally beat yourself up. Intentions are a fabulous place to begin. Without an intention or a want nothing would ever come into being.
As I look over the goals I wrote for myself at the beginning of the year, I notice with interest that there are quite a few that have not been achieved. Do I throw them aside and plan new goals for next year?
No! Now is the time to dissect them, to gain more clarity. Asking why they didn’t get accomplished builds a foundation of learning for next year. What wasn’t I clear about? Do I still want this goal? Why do I want this goal? Can I see and feel myself living in this dream fulfilled? These are all great questions, that over the next month I personally will be delving into to gain a clearer understanding of what is working and what isn’t, what requires adjustment and what needs eliminating. My energy and time are important to me, and as such they need to be a part of my decision making for 2022.
So that’s a little of what I’ve been doing this week.
This week I want to talk about vulnerability. Last week I shared a struggle I was facing. It’s amazing what a difference a week and mindset work can make.
Vulnerability is the reason we build walls. Emotional protective walls. In Facebook this month we have been looking at connection. The deeper I probe our connections to each other, and what stops us from reaching out, the more I am finding it is because we fear being vulnerable.
The fear of being vulnerable or appearing vulnerable comes from feeling exposed. When we reach out to others we are allowing them to see us as open, unguarded. We are trusting that we won’t be hurt or deceived, and this is where our emotions step in to try to protect us.
Have you ever shared a personal story with someone trusting that they will respect your privacy? To find that it was shared with others almost immediately. What was your reaction? Were you angry at the betrayal you felt, or did you go into full accusation mode? Lashing out, on the defensive, having to justify and protect what was left of your dignity.
Vulnerability feels life threatening, and it can be in certain situations. Mostly though the feelings of betrayal, hurt, humiliation, guilt and shame are emotions that we have a desire to hide and hold close. These feelings are often seen as negative. It is my belief that these are the very emotions that are holding you back from being honest and vulnerable with yourself.
It is unwise to share your deepest personal stories with just anyone, choose carefully who you confide in. Test out the waters, see if the one you are choosing is worthy of your trust.
Vulnerability is an asset, it is part of your human-ness.
8 Ways to embrace your vulnerability.
- Set yourself up a safe haven, somewhere you feel completely comfortable and relaxed.
- Prepare to coach yourself, be kind and loving to yourself. Have your journal handy.
- Get real. Look at the event/fear that is preventing you from being honest with yourself.
- Begin small. Choose a vulnerability event you feel confident you can overcome.
- S is for Sensation: Sensation is the vibration of energy that you feel in your body. It is where you feel tension or excitement. Where does the sensation of vulnerability sit in your body? Where do you feel it?
- E is for Emotion: Emotion is always a one word descriptor. Your vulnerability may be in the form of anxiety, this is your one word. You may describe it as fear. Fear is an umbrella word, underneath this umbrella sit many other descriptive words, it is helpful if you can get as specific as possible. Fear: rejection. Fear: judgement. Fear: insecurity.
- T is for Thought: Thought is the sentence that sits behind the emotion. Your vulnerability thought might be, “If they really knew me, they wouldn’t want to be around me.” (rejection) “They might think I’m not a very good parent, house keeper, person. (judgement) “I will be exposed for the fraud I am. ” (Insecurity)
- Write in your journal S.E.T. get real with your body and your mind. Remember awareness is the beginning of change. To become comfortable with being vulnerable in a safe way, you must become comfortable being vulnerable with yourself, your sensations, your emotions and your thoughts. There is no right or wrong, these are your observations. Honesty is the foundation for vulnerability with yourself.
- Story writing. What is the story you are telling yourself about this event? Are you the hero or the victim? What do you want to be? Rewrite the story to give you an ending you are happy to live with.
- Feel the new ending in your body, Do the S.E.T. exercise again, this time from your happy ending, and appreciating your ability to feel vulnerable and come out stronger. Shred or safely burn the story you no longer want to be living. Release those thoughts, emotions and sensations. Then step into the new thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Imagine yourself physically stepping into a stronger, healthier, more confident body, with emotions of love, peace and harmony, who thinks about what you want, gaining personal power over your ability to think in a manner that empowers you to be who you see yourself being.
Vulnerability can be a strength, it is in the way we view it. How willing are you to sit with uncomfortable emotions, yours or someone else’s without shutting them down or shunting them off with some form of activity?
When you are ready, I am someone who will support you on your journey. to find strength in vulnerability, comfort in sorting through your emotions. My contact details are below.
Until next time, Live in your authenticity, enjoy your vulnerability.
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