HAPPINESS IS…..
The smell of freshly baked bread
Hello, My Friends.
As the rules around lock-down loosen, I trust you are keeping safe. This week has been a busy one, I have painted the ceiling and the walls in the kitchen, hubby has installed all the units and the sink. Our kitchen is beginning to take shape. Do you ever find yourself stuck trying to make a decision? That was us this morning. Standing in the tile shop, with walls and stands covered in many different tiles, of varying colour and texture. Our splash back area, required a decision, and choosing the colour and texture tile was where we got stuck. In a bit for simplicity we opted for white glossy tiles, I figure we are better to keep it simple, and white won’t clash with anything already in the kitchen.
In my history as stay at home mum, one of my ventures was to bake bread from scratch by hand. I recall it took a few attempts to get it right. The first few tries were inedible, even the birds had to wait for a rainy day to soak the bread before they could break the surface. Once I had mastered the art, of kneading and shaping 25kg batches of flour into loaves and buns, I sold the bread and fresh cream buns to family and friends. (Early signs of entrepreneurship)
Have you ever looked over the fence at someone else living their life, thinking they’ve got it so much easier than you have? I’m certain this is one of those human traits we all have, thinking every-one else has life easier than we do, that they have a better car, a bigger house, nicer clothes, more obedient children, a wonderful loving spouse. What if, what they had really wasn’t any better than what you have right now? If you really wanted the things they had, you would have them. You would be willing to pay the price to get them. That price comes in many forms, it maybe working long hours, working inconvenient, anti social hours as a shift worker. The price may come in the form of ill health, emotional isolation, or even having people expecting you to do you favours. Things don’t necessarily make you any happier or at peace with your self and sometimes the sacrifice of gaining those things is just too high.
I remember walking through the appliance shop, looking at the bread makers. My mind was very busy trying to sell me one. “You really do need one, it’ll save you so much time.” Look it even has a kneading setting so you can still make buns.” “Imagine, coming home to freshly baked bread, or getting up to fresh bread in the morning, hot toast dripping with butter, without you having to put in all that work.” “It doesn’t cost that much, you’ll recoup that money back in no time.” My sensible self was arguing back, “No, you are quite able to continue making bread the way you do.” “You can use that money for clothes.” “What will ‘so and so’ say about you wasting money.” “You don’t need it.” I walked out of the shop, empty handed. My sensible self smugly congratulating herself on a victory.
Two days later I went back to purchase the bread maker. I had justified the benefits to myself, and they outweighed the financial pain, they promised to fulfill some emotional need I had, that just wasn’t being met right now. I wasn’t buying a bread maker, I was buying the promise of a better life, an easier life with more time, the promise of feeling richer, smarter, more lovable, the promise of being a better mother and homemaker. The reality was the bread maker didn’t have the impact I had hoped it would. It caused an argument between the adults, created financial stress and in the end became a shelf decoration, hiding in the back of a cupboard.
How many times do you sell yourself on something that will absolutely change your life? You look at the brochure, you turn it over in your mind, you nurse it and think about it. You may even write a list of pros vs the cons of having it. You go through all the different scenarios of how you could achieve what you want, you talk to your friends, you seek council from trusted associates. Looking for people and events to prove that you really do need this thing. Then you make a decision. Depending on how well you justified the item, deal, contract, or thing will determine whether you chose to go ahead or not. Now the decision in itself may be helpful or not, the item useful or not, the deal one in a lifetime or not, and the contract the best thing ever or not. The outcome will basically come down to two things, how well you sold yourself that it really will give you the feeling you are looking for. which could include the feelings of mastery, confidence, wealth, health, happiness and prosperity, or it will eliminate an area of pain in your life. For example a heat pump will keep you warm, a secretary will organise your office and free up your time, a Ute is essential to carry the tools of your trade.
Everything we do moves us either towards pleasure or away from pain. We justify to ourselves that we deserve something to make us feel better or we punish ourselves using pain to make us stop doing something, whenever we justify our actions we are trying to prove that we are right. If we didn’t believe we were right we wouldn’t do anything.
Are the things you are justifying to yourself coming from a place of pain or pleasure?
Are the items in your environment there because you chose them, or are they there because aunt Mary-Sue gave it to you for xmas and you feel guilty just thinking about re-homing it. Does this item bring you pleasure or pain? Does it make you smile, and think kind thoughts of aunt Mary-Sue, or do you cringe every time you look at it? Do you love the items in your office, your home, your wardrobe, Are they things from your past that you no longer use, need or like? By removing the things you no longer love or enjoy you free yourself up to create a space that satisfies the emotional harmony that seeks to give you inner peace.
Once I realised that I didn’t use the bread maker and that it was an emotional tie to a bad memory, I let it go, releasing with it a little bit of the tension of my past. As I move through my home and life updating my environment to match who I am today and what I love now, my life has more peace and harmony. My aim is that everything in my space will bring me joy, be useful and beautiful. The letting go of the emotional ties, the freedom of being true to myself draws me forward into a brighter future.
It is my desire is that you will find the emotional freedom that comes with letting go of the things that hold you in a past you no longer belong to, or desire to be a part of.
Remember The beliefs you hold about yourself are what drive you to take action. Beliefs are changed by the way you think. You get to choose the thoughts you think. You get to choose the decisions you make which drive your actions, which create habits, which create the life you are living.
Choose to lighten your emotional load by lightening your environmental reminders.
Have a great week, until next time. Be your most authentic self.
Linda Codlin.