Coming Home After Self-Abandonment

This is the first week in the Becoming Self-Present series. Each week builds gently on the last, moving from awareness to understanding, and eventually into the lived experience of coming home to yourself. You don’t need to read them in order, but together they form a deeper unfolding.

Welcome to Authentic Living Coaching.
I’m Linda Codlin, Transformational Life Coach.
Welcome, my friends.

Becoming Self-Present
Coming Home After Self-Abandonment
Week 1: Becoming Aware — Noticing Where I Leave Myself

There is a quiet kind of moment that many of us learn to overlook.
It doesn’t announce itself loudly. It doesn’t always look like a big decision or a dramatic collapse. Often, it happens in something as ordinary as saying yes when the body is already whispering no, or pushing through fatigue because stopping feels inconvenient, or smiling when something inside feels tight and uncertain.
This is the beginning of self-abandonment—not as a flaw, but as a pattern of adaptation.
There is nothing to fix here. Only something to notice.
Self-abandonment is rarely intentional. It is often learned in small, repeated moments where staying with ourselves felt less safe than adjusting, pleasing, or pushing through.
This week is not about changing anything. It is about seeing clearly, perhaps for the first time, where you have learned to leave yourself.

The Teaching: What Self-Abandonment Actually Is

Self-abandonment is not always obvious. It is often subtle, internal, and automatic.
It can look like:
·         overriding your body’s signals
·         dismissing your own discomfort
·         prioritising other people’s needs before checking in with your own
·         disconnecting from what you feel to keep things smooth or manageable
·         making decisions quickly to avoid uncertainty or tension
From a nervous system perspective, self-abandonment is not failure. It is protection.
At some point, your system may have learned that staying fully connected to yourself was too overwhelming, too unsafe, or too costly in relationship or environment. So instead, it adapted.
It learned to leave in small ways.
Not emotionally leaving your life—but leaving your internal experience of it.
This is important to understand because awareness without shame creates space for something new to emerge.
You are not trying to remove a part of yourself. You are learning to notice a pattern that once helped you belong, survive, or cope.

A Moment from My Own Journey

For many years I didn’t know I was abandoning myself. I thought I was being responsible. Helpful. Reliable. If someone needed something, I found a way to make it happen. If I felt tired, overwhelmed or uncertain, I simply worked harder. It never occurred to me that my body was trying to tell me something. Looking back now, I can see I wasn’t choosing against myself—I simply didn’t know there was another way.

Recognition: You Might Notice This As…

·         Saying yes before checking how you actually feel
·         Feeling tension in your body after agreeing to something
·         Ignoring fatigue until you crash
·         Talking yourself out of your intuition
·         Minimising your own needs
·         Feeling “off” but continuing anyway
·         Apologising when you haven’t done anything wrong
·         Feeling disconnected from your body in decision-making
·         Needing time alone after social interaction but not allowing it
·         Over-explaining your choices to others
None of these are problems to solve.
They are simply places where awareness is beginning to grow.

Practice: The Pause of Self-Recognition

Several times this week, pause gently and place one hand somewhere on your body—your chest, your belly, or simply rest your hands together.
Take one slow breath.
Then ask:
·         Where am I right now—in my body?
·         What am I feeling in this moment?
·         Am I with myself, or have I moved away from myself?
There is no need to change anything.
The practice is simply to notice.
Even one moment of noticing is a return.

Reflection Questions (for journaling)

1.    Where did I notice myself leaving myself this week?
2.    What situations or patterns tend to trigger this for me?
3.    What sensations did I notice in my body when this happened?
4.    What did I do instead of staying with myself?
5.    What might I have needed in that moment that I didn’t give myself?

In Closing

Self-presence does not begin as something we master.
It begins as something we notice.
Each time you become aware of a moment where you left yourself, something important is already shifting. Not because you are trying to change, but because you are beginning to see.
And seeing yourself clearly—without judgement—is the first step in coming home.
Self-presence is not something we achieve. It is something we begin to notice.

oxo Linda

This post is part of the Becoming Self-Present series: Coming Home After Self-Abandonment
You are welcome to move through this series in order or begin wherever you are.

↓ Current Focus
Week 1: Becoming Aware — Noticing Where I Leave Myself
→ Next Step
Week 2: Becoming Compassionate — Understanding Why I Learned to Leave Myself

Week 3: Becoming Loyal– Practicing Staying with myself
Week 4: Becoming Self-Present – Feeling at home within myself

Share Your Reflection

You might like to take a few moments to notice what stood out to you as you read.
What are you becoming aware of in your body, your thoughts, or your responses?
You may find it helpful to gently observe this over the next few days — patterns often become clearer with time and awareness.
If it feels supportive, you’re invited to reflect a little more deeply here:

👉 Share your reflections (this opens a short reflection form)

If You’d Like to Explore This Further

If something in this stirred recognition, and you feel curious about understanding yourself more deeply, you’re warmly invited to take the next step.
I offer a free 30-minute introduction to coaching — a gentle, no-obligation space to meet, ask questions, and sense whether this work feels right for you.

👉Book a free 30-minute introduction