Coming Home After Self Abandonment: Becoming Loyal

This is the third week in the Becoming Self-Present series.
In Week 1, we began noticing where we leave ourselves
In Week 2, we began understanding why those patterns exist
This week, we gently begin practicing something new—not perfectly, but in small, real moments of staying with ourselves.

Welcome to Authentic Living Coaching.
I’m Linda Codlin, Transformational Life Coach.
Welcome, my friends.

Week 3: Becoming Loyal — Practicing Staying With Myself

Awareness changes how we see ourselves.
Understanding changes how we feel about ourselves.
But something deeper begins to shift when we start to respond differently in real time.
This is the moment where insight becomes practice.
Not in a perfect or consistent way—but in small, human moments where we pause long enough to stay with ourselves instead of automatically leaving.
This week is not about fixing behaviour.
It is about building a new relationship with yourself through presence.
A relationship based not on control or improvement, but on loyalty.
Self-loyalty simply means:
I do not abandon myself in the moment I most need my own presence.

The Learning: What Self-Loyalty Actually Is

Self-loyalty is not a personality trait. It is a nervous system practice.
It looks less like big boundary declarations and more like:
·         pausing before responding
·         checking in with the body before saying yes or no
·         noticing overwhelm before pushing through it
·         allowing discomfort without immediately escaping it
·         staying emotionally present with yourself, even briefly
Self-loyalty is not about always getting it right.
It is about shortening the gap between:
noticing yourself… and leaving yourself
and slowly beginning to replace it with:
noticing yourself… and staying
This is where self-trust begins.
Not in certainty.
But in repeated presence.

My Story

I began noticing something unexpected.

The more available I became to everyone else, the less available I was to myself.

Decisions became harder.

Rest felt uncomfortable.

I often didn’t know what I wanted because I had spent years practicing what everyone else needed instead.
I began to feel how heavy it was to see how often I left myself, how many decisions were actually made with the well-being of others at the centre, often at the cost of my own well-being.
By beginning to notice the gap, I have been more able to choose myself first, or at least question what I might actually want.

Recognition:

You Might Begin to Notice This As…

·         pausing before automatically saying yes
·         feeling a “gap” between stimulus and response
·         noticing your body before your mind justifies something
·         catching yourself mid-pattern and softening instead of continuing
·         choosing rest instead of pushing through once or twice
·         staying with discomfort for a few extra breaths
·         feeling unsure, but not abandoning yourself in the uncertainty
This is not regression.

This is re-patterning.

Practice:

The Pause of Self-Loyalty

Once or twice a day, pause before a decision or response.

Place one hand lightly on your body.
Ask:
·         Am I about to stay with myself or leave myself?
·         What would staying with myself look like right now—even in a small way?
Then choose the smallest possible act of staying.
Not the perfect one.
The possible one.

Reflection Questions

1.    Where did I notice myself almost staying with myself this week?
2.    What helped me pause, even briefly, before an automatic reaction?
3.    When I did stay with myself, what did that feel like in my body?
4.    What makes it difficult for me to stay with myself in certain moments?
5.    What is one small example of self-loyalty I experienced this week?
6.    How is my relationship with myself beginning to shift through these small moments?
7.    What would “staying with myself” look like in one everyday situation next week?

Closing Thought

Self-presence is not something we achieve. It is something we begin to practice.

Next week we integrate what we’ve been practicing.
We become familiar with
·         staying with yourself during discomfort
·         not abandoning yourself in emotional waves
·         experiencing a growing sense of inner steadiness
·         feeling “home” in your own presence

From practice to embodied self-presence

oxo Linda

This post is part of the Becoming Self-Present series: Coming Home After Self-Abandonment You are welcome to move through this series in order or begin wherever you are.

Current Focus

Week 3: Becoming Loyal- Practicing Staying with myself

→ Next Step

Week 1: Becoming Aware — Noticing Where I Leave Myself
Week 2: Becoming Compassionate — Understanding Why I Learned to Leave Myself
Week 3: Becoming Loyal- Practicing Staying with myself

→ Next Week
Week 4: Becoming Self-Present – Feeling at home within myself

Share Your Reflection

You might like to take a few moments to notice what stood out to you as you read.
What are you becoming aware of in your body, your thoughts, or your responses?
You may find it helpful to gently observe this over the next few days — patterns often become clearer with time and awareness.
If it feels supportive, you’re invited to reflect a little more deeply here:

👉 Share your reflections (this opens a short reflection form)

If You’d Like to Explore This Further

If something in this stirred recognition, and you feel curious about understanding yourself more deeply, you’re warmly invited to take the next step.
I offer a free 30-minute introduction to coaching — a gentle, no-obligation space to meet, ask questions, and sense whether this work feels right for you.

👉Book a free 30-minute introduction