Embracing Self-Care

How is your self-care routine?
Do you take care of your body well?
Do you take care of your mental wellbeing?
Do you take care of your emotional states?
This week we talk about five ways to set boundaries around self-care.

Welcome to Authentic Living with Linda
I’m Linda Codlin

Welcome, My Friends.

When life gets busy, stressful and over whelming what is the first thing that gives way?
This week I received an SOS call from a family member. Life had thrown yet another curved ball their way.
They were requiring an ear to listen, so they could gain perspective around their situation.
One of my top suggestion is personal self-care.

The person who tends to get lost in the busy, stressful and overwhelming is you.
When the pressure builds, usually the health care routine drops off.

Today I want to talk about self-care and stress management.
Embracing self-care isn’t just about indulging in the occasional treat.
It’s about developing a holistic approach to nurturing your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
Self care is one of the cornerstones of creating resilience and a well rounded mental health care system.
As we have already talked about in other blogs, things like getting sufficient restful sleep, ensuring we’re getting the most nourishing nutrition for our body to utilize in creating good health.
Self care includes engaging in mindful practices, such as prayer, meditation, journaling and generating meaningful relationships with family, friends and acquaintances through hobbies, interests and volunteering.

When we recognise the importance of setting boundaries, managing stress, and listening to our inner needs, we honour our mind-body connection, tending to both the physical and the emotional needs, which cultivates a sense of balance and harmony.

Caring for yourself is about setting healthy boundaries for yourself to adhere to, and to let other people know what your standards are.

Here are 5 simple, (not necessarily easy) ways to set boundaries and manage stress to maintain your mental health and overall wellbeing.

IDENTIFY YOUR LIMITS:
What are your upper limits of what you will tolerate?
What is the lowest standard you have that you can tolerate?
By taking time to reflect and consider what you want in your life, how you want to treat yourself, and how you want other people to treat you?
Look at your life, what isn’t working, what is generating the most discomfort in your daily experiences?
These are the clues of what needs to change.
Understanding what is stressing you and what is making you feel out of control is the beginning of finding out what you really want.
Write out two lists. One of what you don’t want, and one of what you do want. For every don’t want- find the opposite do want.
We want to create our boundaries from the positive energy of moving into what we do want, rather than moving away from what we don’t want.
The energy with which you do any thing, affects the result you end up with.
Awareness in knowing your upper and lower limits will help you to communicate your boundaries effectively to yourself and to others.

COMMUNICATE CLEARLY:
Clearly stating what you want, and what your expectations are, ensures that every one knows the base line standards.
Clear communications shed light on the unwritten and unspoken rules that we have for others, and that they have for us.
When we step over an unseen boundary, either ours or someone else’s, we find ourselves in a battle zone, often we’re not aware what happened, what the cause was for the outburst, cold shoulder, or emotional reaction.
Clear communication helps to give voice and validation to what your boundary is, it defines what you want and what you don’t.
Self-care is all about knowing yourself, how can someone else know you, if you don’t know yourself.
Speaking up for yourself, builds your confidence, enables you to keep yourself safe, emotionally and physically.
Practice using I feel statements. Then describe what you are feeling in your body, without blame or criticism. This is not as easy as it sounds.
If you say, when you do this, I feel this. You are blaming the other person, and giving them your power, they become responsible for your reaction.
This takes away your ability to take response- ability for yourself.
Clear communication is owning your own feelings and response. It is saying ‘no’ when you really want to say ‘no’ and saying ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘yes’. Honesty with yourself first.

PRIORITIZE SELF-CARE:
Take care of yourself. You would think this is self-explanatory. Many women do not know how to begin to put themselves first.
Start by taking care of your body, get yourself showered and dressed first, then care for the children or the household.
Make time to exercise, even 15 mins of walking will make a big difference in the long term.
Try out new ways of relaxing, and reducing your stress. This could include things like meditation, yoga, sitting in the garden under your favourite tree.
Self-care can also come in the form of getting the dental work you require done. Making the health appointments you know are needed for your long term wellbeing. Having your nails done, getting your hair cut in a style that suits you.
Self-care is an attitude you have about your worth and your value.
If you struggle to feel worthy, you will most likely struggle to take the best care of yourself, emotionally and physically. Why would you care for something you don’t consider to be valuable? This is where mindset work will help shift your view from the inside out, and as you build your belief in your worthiness, you reinforce this belief with the physical activities you are doing.

ESTABLISH HEALTHY BOUNDARIES:
Know your limits, and with this in mind, set clear boundaries around yourself and others regarding what you will tolerate, how much time you are willing to invest in activities and relationships, knowing your energy levels, what drains your energy and what gives you energy and the resources that are available to you, including things you may need to complete projects, be aware of the resources you are willing to share, so others don’t take advantage of you. Know the resources you want to keep for yourself, without guilt.
Ensure you have a result that will happen if your boundary is violated. This is where clear communication becomes very important.
You state, this is my boundary, it is here to help me, and if you choose to ignore my boundary this is what I will do to enforce my boundary, so I feel …
The boundary may be around time: You are tired of being late to important events. Boundary: I will leave with plenty of time to make my events and appointments before the expected time. Friend: State the boundary to your friend, who has a history of being late. Let them know your time frame, when you will be leaving for your event. And let your friend know that if they are not ready or at the prior agreed meeting place at the time stated, you will leave without them. Then you get to do the brave thing and follow through, your friend has a preset habit of lateness, and will most likely be very upset you left without them.
In this case you are proving to yourself and to your friend that you are worthy of your boundary. Notice that this boundary is not about your friends lateness, it is about your boundary of being on time for appointments and events. You can not change another person’s actions. You can only manage your own actions.
You will need to manage your thinking around what your friend may say, what you may think about yourself.
Maintaining boundaries gets easier the more often you do them. Remember to tap into your authentic feelings around why the boundary is in place.

SEEK SUPPORT:
Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends and family who understand what you are working towards achieving. (Be careful about sharing with those who don’t have your best interests at heart.)
You may require support from mental health professionals. Therapy can be beneficial in learning and maintaining healthy boundary setting skills.
Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries, your journey and offer you support during times of stress.
Self-care is not a solitary journey, there are many people, groups and clubs that are willing to encourage you to be your best self, every single day.

Remember that boundaries are about you, they are in place to enable you to take care of yourself.
The more space you have between you and your boundary, the greater the buffer zone between stress, burnout and feeling overwhelm will be.

Until next time… Identify your limits, Communicate what you want clearly, Prioritize your self-care, Establish healthy boundaries, and Seek support to empower you.
If you resonate with setting boundaries and want directon on how to set specific boundaries in your life, connect with me.
Find me on Facebook:lindacodlin25
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OXOXO Linda

As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

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When you are ready to make a transformational difference in your life, contact me for a one on one coaching session.