Cultivating Resilience

Have you ever wished you didn’t have to go through a messy situation?
Then once you have come out the other side you realise you learned so much about your self.
That’s the beginnings of resilience.

Welcome to Authentic Living with Linda
I’m Linda Codlin

Welcome, My Friends.

I am amazed at how resilient some people are.
Life can throw some huge hurdles their way, they don’t run and hide from the challenges, they walk up to them, face them head on, they may have an emotional meltdown, then they pick themselves up, work out what Is next and progress forward.

I’ve witnessed people going through seemingly minor events, who crumple and fall apart to not move forward. They become stalled by the overwhelming emotions they are feeling.
What is the difference?
This is what I want to talk about today.
Resilience: the dictionary says resilience is the ability to withstand adversity and bounce back from difficult life events.
Being resilient does not mean you never experience stress, emotional upheaval, and suffering.
Resilience involves the ability to work through emotional pain and suffering.
Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even significant sources of stress.

To cultivate inner strength, you must embark on a journey to mental resilience.
Mental resilience is a powerful asset that enables you to weather life’s storms, with a bit of grace and grit or fortitude.

Can you think of a time when life handed you a challenge you didn’t think you would survive, and by some miracle you did?
For me it was when my ex husband left. I had no idea the break up was coming, and I had no idea how I would manage on my own.
I had to face a lot of emotional drama, the opinions of others around a failed marriage, the actual rejection of a man I’d been with for 25 years actually leaving, my own self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Over time I managed to collect myself, face the fear, realise life was not going to end and I’d have to continue on and find a new of being.
Looking back now, I grew my resilience, I grew in trust for myself, I grew in trust for close friends, who didn’t judge me, I grew into a stronger version of myself.

There are 4 ways I developed resilience.

1. I developed a growth mindset.
   Instead of curling up in bed and giving up. I got up each day, I went to work, I cleaned house literally and figuratively.
   I began to see the hurdles in front of me as opportunities for self-development and learning.
   On the days when all I could do was cry, I cried. I nursed my broken heart and continued day by day.
   I reframed my self-doubt, the self-recriminations into areas I could grow and become a better woman. I grew in confidence and determination.
2. I began practicing healthy coping strategies.
   I cried and let my emotions show, instead of bottling them. Thanks to a few close friends who held me as I went into the pain, I was able to build some great strategies for managing my pain.
   This all happened before I found my life coach, who gave me even more strategies.
   At this time my coping strategies was to move, I sold the homestead, environment matters. I was homeless for a while, then I bought a home for me. This feeling was so powerful, I did everything I needed to do, on my own, with the support of those close friends.
   If I could take care of myself to buy a home what else could I do?
   I exercised, I began eating the food I love, I listened to my music, I watched the movies I wanted. Resilience was kicking and I was loving my life.
3. I learned that life isn’t supposed to be smooth, problem-less.
   I gathered myself together to face what ever difficulties I had to face. I tackled the banks and their unwritten rules and regulations, I went through the process of divorcing with a lawyer.
   None of this was smooth or pleasant. But with every challenge I over came I knew I deal with the next one that arose.
   Resilience was becoming part of my normal life.
   I learned to figure out the set-backs, discovering I was not a failure, that I was not going to be defeated by these challenges.
   I learned to persevere even when I wanted to quit, when I wanted to give the responsibility to someone else. I knew it was up to me, so I kept going.
   Looking back now, I can see the huge strides I made in becoming the woman I am today.
4. I began to nurture myself with compassion.
   I stopped beating myself up for all the things I’d been told I was. This did take a long time, and it is still a process that I’m working on, in the here and now.
   I don’t think my child brain will ever be totally free from my childhood training, although it does become easier to reroute those thoughts.
   I learned that I am a strong woman, I can face whatever comes my way and I can be gentle with myself while I’m at it.
   I made time to find out what I liked, and added that to my life.

So how do you build resilience into your every day.
You develop a growth mindset. Heading towards the challenge with the idea of working it out. Improving your skills and abilities to handle your biggest fears or set-backs.
You build coping skills into your every day. You get up have a shower and do the most important thing required that day. You bring relaxation and mindfulness into your days, you find what you are grateful. You include your friends in your day, letting them support you.
You bolster yourself by using the things that don’t go your way the first time, as reasons to study and learn, to reflect on yourself and the situation.
You persevere until you overcome.
You take care of yourself, always. You treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You do the things that help you manage in a healthy and wholesome way. You realize you will make mistakes and that is okay. You are okay.

Resilience is something with time you can develop. The more you face life’s challenges head on and allow the emotions to be a part of the journey you will grow stronger, you will gain wisdom of what works and what doesn’t, you will overcome obstacles, you will begin to bounce back faster and you will stop reacting to life and begin to set your own course.

You only have one life, use it to live your life as fully as possible, that includes the set-backs, obstacles and challenges.

Until next time: Begin to build your resilience, choose one challenge in front of you and figure out how to adapt to it, making it part of your growth journey.

oxoxo Linda

As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

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