Relationship: Values and Goals

We all have relationships.

The quality of our relationships are dependent on the values and goals of that relationship.
Today I list 5 values and goals that can help you to have successful relationships wherever you find yourself.
Being authentically you, gives you a solid foundation for friendships.

Welcome to Authentic Living with Linda
I’m Linda Codlin

Welcome, My Friends.

We have officially become autumn. The mornings are getting darker and cooler.
We emptied the pool this week, knowing we will not be swimming or dipping into it again this season.
One of the great things about knowing yourself, is you get to be honest about what you will and won’t do. Which means that decisions are made in a snap of time, and followed through with, pretty much straight away.
Each week has it’s own set of challenges, as I have been learning about myself and the way I respond and yes, I still react in ways that have me breathing to myself, “Why on earth did I say that, or do that?” I am uncovering patterns that govern my life.
Ever wonder why you seem to be on a treadmill and going nowhere, maybe there is a pattern of behaviour that is keeping you, unwittingly in your loop.

This week I want to talk about relationships, and within those relationships values and goals.

A solid relationship is often built on shared values, interests, and long term goals.
When we don’t know ourselves very well, we can often lose ourselves in our relationships.
For me, this looked like doing whatever the other person was into.
As you may have guessed, I love reading and self-development.
For the longest time, the people I chose to hang out with didn’t appreciate my love for learning.
If I suggested we stroll through a book store, I always got moans and groans. Which frustrated me, I felt like I was always doing what they wanted, and never what I wanted.
Then the topic would turn to something my friends enjoyed more.
I came to realise our friendship was built on our mutual love of gardening, eating, and chilling out.
We were both happiest when we did these things together.

This is true for every relationship you have.
Each relationship is or was built on a mutual goal or value, or ideal, or interest.
Everything we do, we do for the feeling we believe we will gain from doing it.
This is true for our relationships.

Let’s take a look at a few of the values and goals that may contribute to you growing and living with strong relationships.

1. Communication: All relationships are built on communication, how well we express ourselves, and listen to how others express themselves, has a huge impact on the satisfaction level of your relationship. It doesn’t matter whether the relationship is a close personal one, a parent, child relationship, or a business, career relationship. Everyone of us wants to be heard, to feel valued and important in our exchanges with others.
   The value is open and honest communication.
   The goal is to establish clear, and transparent ways to express your point of view, and to understand others points of view. This type of communication helps to avoid confusion, and misunderstandings, and helps to build trust between the two parties. (Each party is required to be bold enough to state what they want and need.)
2. Trust: If your relationship is built on mutual trust, you will be able to relax and be your authentic self.
   If however you feel, that there is distrust in your relationship, where your body and brain have a check about being able to trust what someone is telling you. You would be wise to investigate further.
   Investigate your ability to trust, and be trusted first. Do you do what you say you’re going to do? Do you always expect the worst of people? Do you anticipate being hurt?
   You can only trust others to the degree that you can trust yourself.
   After investigating your responses, it is time to investigate how you feel around this person, or organization, or business. Your body doesn’t lie.
   Once you learn to listen to your body, it will always tell you everything you need to know. Listen to it.
   The value of trust is to be trustworthy, reliable, and dependable.
   The goal is to demonstrate your consistency of following through on your commitments. You have the choice to build trust, by acting with integrity.
   Trust is difficult to gain and very easy to shatter.
3. Respect: Every human being, animal and plant, has a need to be respected. We share respect with each other when we acknowledge each person is on their own journey through life, and their journey may not look anything like ours. And this is okay.
   Your relationship with someone may be for a certain time, or a certain event. Mutual respect has both of you feeling heard and valued.
   The value of mutual respect is in giving every person a save space to share their opinions, perspectives and boundaries without judgement.
   The goal is to create an environment where everyone feels like, what they have to say is valuable, and is appreciated. That their contributions make a difference to the relationship.
4. Empathy: Empathy is not the same thing as sympathy. Empathy is walking in the shoes of those in a relationship with you, it is offering understanding and the acceptance of where they are, is not where they have to remain.
   Empathy builds connections, generates understanding, and has safe boundaries in place, to encourage a healthy interaction between people.
   The value of empathy is in understanding the feeling and perspectives of other people, we also have the ability to consider how others might be feeling.
   The goal of empathy is to enhance and expand the emotional connection between people, to cultivate a strong connection of loyalty to each other. It also has the goal of helping each of us to move through conflict constructively, giving and receiving opinions and perspectives.
5. Accountability: No relationship gets away without some form of accountability. Each person is responsible for their actions, and non actions. (Which is actually an action by omission.)
   In a relationship, people say things they don’t mean, (and sometimes they do). People do things that feel threatening and harmful, deliberately or in ignorance.
   Each one of us has the opportunity to grow and learn how to respond to a situation, or person within a relationship. Isn’t that what relationships are for?
   Our PET’s (Personal Emotional Trainers) show us areas we are weak on, or areas they are weak on. Maybe they are calling out our behaviour as inappropriate, showing us a better way to be, showing us that we have more power than we believe we do.
   The value of accountability is we get to take full responsibility for our actions. Even if the other person did not respond well, you still get to decide how you will respond, and who you will be.
   The goal of accountability is to hold ourself accountable for the attitude we bring to our relationships. We get to learn from our mistakes and make them part of our daily skills. We are always moving into continually improving, each situation, has in it the lesson for us to learn. In the middle of turmoil, we can stop and take a moment to think and decide how we want to be, to decide how we want to be proud of ourself.

When we align these values within ourselves, with the values of others around us, we build strong relationships, that nuture and empower us to continue to be ourselves.

It is good to have multiple friend groups, each providing an avenue for communication, trust, respect, empathy and responsibility that line up with the things that inspire and motivate you.

In your personal relationship, the better you know your authentic self, the easier it will be for you to communicate your needs, which prevents resentment from building up, And the more your partner knows themselves, the easier it will be to have meaningful and deep conversations and to do the activities that rejuvenate both of you.

Until next time my friends. Look at your friendships. What do you get from each relationship? Is this relationship giving you energy, or is it sapping your energy.
You get to decide what you prefer for yourself. As we talked about last week, you have the choice of putting up your red velvet rope, and informing people of the policies that allow them to stay in your life.

oxoxo Linda

As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

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