Dynamic Living: How to deal with Triggering Situations.
Hello, My Friends
In line with yesterday’s post about connection, I want to mention about the ornery people you may encounter on your journey to friendships.
Ornery people are people just like you and I. The difference is they choose to let their pain out to harm themselves or others.
Each of us has a choice how we treat ourselves and how we treat others.
The saying that hurt people, hurt people is true, only because most hurt people don’t know how to deal with their hurt.
Or their hurt is too confronting for them to admit to themselves and it is easier to put it onto someone else.
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And sometimes hurting people, or being spiteful because you can is someone’s happy place. I know it’s hard to fathom, but some people are not happy unless they are making someone else miserable.
Or they only feel happy when they have something to complain about.
The good thing about this is that they can be their ‘unhappy’ happy selves, and we can be our ‘happy’ happy selves.
No-one can make you feel anything. Let me repeat that.
No-one can make you feel anything. When this actually sinks into your being, and you get it. I mean really get it.
It creates so much freedom.
What someone does in the office only affects me because I let it.
Once again it comes down to the red velvet rope policy. What are you prepared to put up with? And when you’re not prepared to put up with nonsense anymore you will put a boundary around you, and let others know that certain behaviours are not acceptable from yourself or from others.
Remember the policy always begins with you. You move into the healthy place of taking care of you first. Then when you are confident in your ability to follow your own rules, you can let others know your boundaries, I can guarantee they will already have begun to notice changes in you.
Triggers, these are the behaviours of ourself or others that create an emotional response within us, and often the response follows the trigger so closely you would think they are one and the same action.
Most triggers are indicators that there is something within the triggered person that is wanting to be healed.
If there wasn’t something in you feeling threatened, then the behaviour or words of another wouldn’t mean anything to you.
You may feel sorrow, when someone shares a horror story with you, but it won’t trigger an overwhelming response, unless it has something to hook into, within you.
For example when I’m feeling judged, the judgement within me is awake and beating up on myself or someone else.
This becomes my clue to look at what I’m thinking, to ask myself, “What hurt is being activated by these words, or actions?
Remember it all begins with thoughts. An action triggers a thought, which triggers and emotion, which creates a response.
The quicker the thought, emotion and action response is the less you are thinking and the more likely you are in subconscious lash out mode.
The best part about triggers is we have the ability to retrain our brain on how we want to respond.
The first step is to be aware that we are triggered. (Can’t work with something we don’t know anything about.)
The second step is to pause, take a 5 second break. (Break the immediate cycle and breathe)
The third step is to activate your brain, do a quick mental scenario projection. (If I do this, then this could happen, which would cause this to happen and so on.)
The fourth step is to decide on an action that could give you more of what you do want and less of what you don’t want. (Choices, choices choices.)
The fifth and final step is to take the action that gives you the closest result to what you want.
Simple, yes! Easy? Not so much in the heat of a situation that is loaded with past habits and expectations.
This is where visualisation can be really handy, you mentally see yourself in the sticky situation, and pre-plan how you will manage yourself in that situation.
By knowing what you want to do, you give yourself more opportunity to follow through and do it, the more you see yourself being the type of person who does not rise to triggering situation, the more you become the person who doesn’t rise to the occasion.
Today’s Pearl of Wisdom is Triggers are indicators of hurts waiting to be healed.
As a life coach it is my intention to help you to live your best life, every day.
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