Being offended, choice or response.

People who wish to be offended will always find some occasion for taking offence.

John Wesley

Hello, My Friends

This week has been full and busy with lots of everyday kind of things happening. Life happens in the everyday things. It’s in the normal that we find the attitudes that can be a little off centre, or that we get our feelings hurt.

A young man once said to me, “Offence is never given, it is always taken.”

Think about that, Offence is never given, I can not offend you, you can not offend me, ever. Unless and until I take the offence or you take the offence.

I witnessed this the other day. I was having a conversation with someone, and in this conversation I was endeavouring to explain how in my view boundaries work, I could see he wasn’t getting what I meant so I used an example, and shifted from talking in the third person, he, she they, them to You and I which made it more personal. As I spoke the words that to me were an illustration of a boundary being crossed, and the response of how I would choose to handle the breech of my boundary.

He turned to me wounded, that I should accuse him of ever treating a person in the manner of the illustration.

I didn’t realize he hadn’t understood, and that he was taking what I was saying personally, so I continued on with the illustration, wondering why he was being so defensive, and combative.

The conversation changed, however the attitude was still combative and defensive.

It was only later in contemplation and conversation, that I realized he had taken offence at what I was speaking.

This pointed out to me, that I need to be way more aware of my audience, and how easily someone can pick up an offence when one wasn’t intended.

Imagine if I had been offended at his being offended with me. We could have ruined a great friendship.

How many times have you picked up an offence when there was none to take?

Even if the other person was deliberately setting a trap for you to become offended, you always have a choice, you can choose to let the venom of the words lie where they land and leave them there, knowing the words are saying way more about the speaker than they are about you.

However if you pick up the offence, the offence tells what is important to you, the offence reveals an area in your life where there is a wound, or where there is a healing scar of a past wound.

Part of mindset work is becoming unflappable, unoffendable, and keeping calm.

The better you know yourself, and accept yourself, all the wonderful bits, and all the dark and shady bits, the less you will have to be offended about.

Most offences cling to a belief we have about ourselves, how society is supposed to work, or an opinion we hold to as being true, and the offender has said something opposing these beliefs.

The joy of knowing and living in your business is that you become less available to collect other peoples opinions and offences.

Are you easily offended?

Remember, Offence is never given, it is always taken.

Don’t take offence. Let it sit on the table and dissolve into idle words.

Until next week, notice when you take up the offences of other people, or collect offences for yourself.

oxoxo Linda

As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

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Instagram: @lindacodlin

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Instagram: @lindacodlin

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