Confidence: LISTEN or Silent
Hello, My Friends
Often when we are feeling discontented and our feelings need to be heard, they can have us acting out, being loud and trying to be heard, they can be moody and can use body language to manipulate how others feel.
Nobody likes to be ignored, everyone wants to be heard.
Step three in becoming more confident is to listen.
I think its amazing that one of the anagrams of LISTEN is SILENT
When we be still for a few seconds and breathe, we give ourselves time to think and choose a response.
When we find ourselves in the middle of a disappointing situation, it is wise to step back emotionally, ask a few well aimed questions to gain clarity.
Active listening involves activating our senses, and being in tune to the verbal and non verbal clues that others are saying.
Our Acronym for today is LISTEN
L= Learn
I= Intently
S= Speakers
T= Truth
E= Enlist
N= Negotiation
LEARN. INTENTLY. SPEAKERS. TRUTH. ENLIST. NEGOTIATION.
Disappointment strives to shut down communication, whereas confident people are willing to feel the uncomfortable emotions and sensations to come to a resolution.
Confidence is about knowing yourself.
Learn to read body language, learn to read what is not being said, as well as what is being said. Use your innate radar to read the situation.
Learn to use empathy, to hear where they are coming from. Learn to use both ears, and silence your mental chatter, who wants to respond instantly.
Intently means to be focused on what the other person is saying, how they are saying it, are they defensive, are they combative, are they sorry, are they trying to pass the buck, are they being genuine?
Intently is to use all your senses (Your internal and external senses) to be aware of everything that is happening in this exchange.
Speakers, something or someone has caused offence at some stage for the speaking person to be defensive, combative or undermining. As a confident person you have the knowledge and security of knowing who you are so you don’t have to react to another person.
You want to ask great questions to understand the situation rather than pass judgment, or condemn others.
Allow the speaker to answer fully before posing any further questions.
If you are disappointed by a thing, let’s say something you purchased broke, or something you created didn’t work out the way you wanted.
You can still use this format to question yourself- Without judgment. Of course.
An inner dialogue with respect may give you clues to what went wrong and how you can fix it, or be prepared for it next time.
In this case your inner self becomes the speaker, I find journaling thoughts work, by putting the thoughts on paper it gets it out of my head and I get to look at it without bias.
Truth, Find the truth, generally your gut instinct will know the truth.
Have a truthful conversation about what happened from your end of the story, listen to their truth and then without judgment share your truth.
Enlist, If you need help to come to an agreement on a way forward, enlist the aid of someone who can help.
Go to the manager if the supervisor is not being helpful.
Go above the manager if necessary. Take the broken item back to where you bought it.
Confident people are not afraid to confront inappropriate behaviours, they have safe boundaries around themselves.
Enlist support if you require it. Do what you feel you need to, to get your needs met in dealing with the disappointment at hand.
Negotiation, Go into a negotiation knowing the outcome you want. Do you want a replacement for the broken item, or do you want a refund?
Do you want the project manager to correct the error, to redraw the plans to correct the oversight?
Do you want to have a heart felt genuine apology.
Go into the negotiation of how to move forward in correcting the disappointment armed with what you want to see happen in the future.
This could include what you don’t want to see happen again.
Work out what you want from the disappointment, what caused the disappointment.
What expectation wasn’t fulfilled and how do you want it filled in the future.
Confident people use LISTEN as part of their tools to create a safe space to investigate disappointments and work their way through them.
LISTEN
LEARN. INTENTLY. SPEAKER. TRUTH. ENLIST NEGOTIATION
Today’s Seed of Greatness is Avoid gossiping and complaining. Words have power.
oxox Linda
As a life coach it is my intention to help you to live your best life, every day.
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