Confidence: How to identify a rescuer.
Hello, My Friends
Let’s talk a little more about rescuers, these are the people who come along and help you out of a tight spot.
The people who give you a hand up, and a light so you can see the path you are walking on will always allow you to make your own choices and will allow you to feel the result of those choices.
The rescuers who like to keep you dependant on them are the ones that sap your confidence.
Without actually telling you, “You are useless, You’d be no-one without me” You sense this energy and with enough exposure you believe you can’t manage your life without them.
These are the people you turn to first for advice, for protection, for emotional support.
Rescuers are not actually interested in saving you, or helping you.
Their motivation is in the feeling of power they have over you, they know if they set up enough situations where you will fail, you will continually come back to them.
The setting up may be in the way they influence you to think about yourself, or in the way they sows seeds of distrust of the opinions and views of others.
The rescuer may come across as being super helpful, having the answers you need. But the way these answers are given could give you a clue that you’re about to get enmeshed in a snare that will cost you way more than you gain.
Confidence comes as you learn to ask yourself questions like, “What is really going on here? ” and then trusting your answer.
When I discovered I was in a relationship with a rescuer, I was ensnared and the cost was extremely high, I nearly lost everything I hold dear.
One way I realised I was ensnared with a rescuer was the amount of drama that followed this person, they created drama everywhere they went.
Drama gives rescuers a reason to rescue.
Turning to a rescuer for emotional support is like entering a pit of quicksand, the more you try to gain emotional freedom, the more you sink into the sand.
Rescuers appear to have their emotions under control, they appear to be the calm in the middle of the storm.
In reality what I found was they were using my lack of emotional stability to strengthen their lack of self.
To move yourself out of the reaches of a rescuer, means learning to trust your own emotional strength.
Trusting that you actually do have all the answers within you.
Beginning to know and believe you are not broken and you do not ever need fixing.
You have the ability to stand up for yourself. Begin. Prove to yourself you can. Grow and keep on growing.
It’s a bit like going to the gym to build muscle mass.
You need to go regularly and do reps.
You also need to find a guide who knows what they’re doing, preferably someone who has a track record of accomplishing what you want.
You also need to believe you can do it. If you struggle with this, find someone who believes in you.
Look at the results of your coach, mentor or guide. If they have what you want, and they are not surrounded by drama, or wrapped in the lives of everone around them, then follow them.
A valuable coach will guide you, will teach you, will train you, and support you. They will not do it for you. They will keep you accountable to what you say.
They will not control the way you think, or try to shelter you from the results of your thoughts and actions. These are the life tools that will give you more confidence than any word ever spoken.
Today’s seed of greatness is Create supportive rituals for yourself.
As a life coach it is my intention to help you to live your best life, every day.
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If you want to gain mastery over feeling anxious and uncertain and replace these emotions with empowering confidence contact me for coaching.
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