Harmony: Personal Standards
Hello, My Friends
Today I want to have a look at what staying in your own business looks like.
Staying in your own business is taking care of your self, taking care and responsibility for your emotional states of being.
Which means owning and feeling all your emotions.
Including the messy ones. Or maybe I should say especially the messy ones.
Staying in your business is using the red velvet rope policy to raise your standards.
Often we give our power away to others, hoping that they will do a better of job of dealing with our emotions than we believe we do.
The sad thing about this is, we often give away so much of ourselves we are not even aware of it.
And the people we give our emotions too, are unable to deal with their own emotions and so we become enmeshed with their dramas believing them to be ours.
When you are staying in your business, you put an emotional space around yourself.
Often we have boundaries that are too close to our emotional triggers, which keeps setting off our alarm bells and keeping us on a tight rope of emotions.
By putting space around ourselves and raising our standards to actions that we decide on purpose about how we want to be treated, and what we expect to happen around us, we elevate our emotional resilience.
However, what tends to happen is allow anyone to come stopping around in our garden, we run from one disaster or stressful event to another, living in the constant danger zone of putting out fires, instead of removing the fire causing circumstances.
A simple of example of this is, every morning you spend ten minutes looking for your house keys, you life cushions on the couch, rummage through papers on the table, you trip into the bedroom to investigate your pockets. All the while your temper is beginning to flare, you are getting short with your family, you command that they stop what they’re doing and help you look, you watch the minutes on the clock knowing you’re going to be late. Again.
One way to stay in your business is to elevate your standards.
You place a small bowl on the counter in the hallway, and you train yourself to drop the keys into the bowl every night when you get home.
This small action is you taking responsibility for your emotions and your actions. It is the red velvet rope policy in action.
For the little training it takes to learn to drop the keys in the bowl, you reduce all the tension in the morning.
Raising your standard, also works for dealing with people.
You decide what in advance how you want things to be for you. This process is about you, it’s about your emotional maturity and feeling better.
Then you decide what will happen when the standard you are wanting to raise is not fulfilled.
This is about you, it has nothing to do with anyone else, if you want to punish, or seek revenge, you have more thought work to do.
Then when your standard is impinged, you let the person impinging that standard know they have stepped over your red velvet rope and if they choose to continue to impinge your standard, you let them know the pre-decided action you have preplanned will happen.
And the next time they over step you follow through, for you, to maintain your new standard.
Today’s question is… Do you have a red velvet rope policy?
Until tomorrow, think about where you want to raise your standards so you can ceases putting out fires and diminishing your emotional energy.
As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way.
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