The only thing that will make you truly happy is being happy with who you are.
Hello, My Friends
It’s been a busy week, everyday I’ve been doing a 60 days to sixty challenge, which, if you’re interested are documented on my Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/linda.codlin.
Happiness is …
What is happiness to you?
This is one area of my life that has been challenging for me, which is part of the reason for the challenge above and finding what type of things I actually enjoy. Rather than what I’ve been told I should enjoy.
What I have found is that happiness is never outside of ourselves, It comes from within and is an attitude which we can actually control.
There are at least two types of happiness, today I want to talk about these.
- False Happiness.
This is the temporary happy feeling that we get when we are avoiding something. It might be using social media, scrolling mindlessly, looking for a distraction. It might be watching movies on various television channels, instead of doing the things that need to be done. It might be heading to the shops for some retail therapy, purchasing items that you may or may not need. Temporary happiness may also be found in food, usually fast foods, or foods that are loaded with sugar and flour, which can be very addictive. Sometimes the use of drugs, legal or otherwise are used to numb the feelings that are too difficult to deal with, also alcohol may be the preferred way of opting out of feeling.
In my past, I would head into town to ‘window shop’ with the children, to avoid my responsibilities of caring for my household. And all the judgement that came with not being a ‘good enough wife, or mother.’ Town was one of my false happy places, another was binge eating, exercising, and strict dieting. This cycle was my ‘happy place’ it kept my mind busy, my emotions at arms length, and me on the treadmill of feeling insecure, unacceptable and unworthy.
What I didn’t realize, was how hooked I was on the cycle of false happiness. I believed I was happy, or as happy as I could expect to be.
Do you have a similar cycle that seems like happiness, but always have a kick in the tail?
As I progressed on my journey, I discovered that false happiness has a sting that comes to bite you later on. For instance, heading to town to avoid housework, the mess was waiting for me when I got home, and now it was compounded. Breakfast had now dried onto the plates, the washing still needed to get into the machine and onto the line, the toys were still all over the floor. AND now, I’m physically tired from all the walking, and I have grumpy, hungry, and tired children, who need more attention and care. The sting was worse than the initial thing I was trying to avoid. Add to this physical weariness, the internal dialogue of my inner critic, who was having a real party with my emotions, beating me up about my worthlessness. The emotional weariness was harder and heavier than I had the tools to deal with.
False happiness comes with baggage. When the avoidance action is over and we have to face the reality of what we were avoiding, we often feel worse and go looking for more ways to dull this pain.
Can you identify any situations where false happiness is taking charge of your emotions and time? What is your go to false happiness avoidance technique?
That brings us to the next form of happiness.
2. True happiness.
This happiness has rejuvenating powers, it leaves you feeling lighter and more joyful. True happiness has no regret attached to it.
What types of activities do you enjoy for the sheer joy of doing them?
Watching children sleep, a hot chocolate with whipped cream, sitting with the sun on your back, reading a good book, having an afternoon nap. All things that give delight without costing a lot of money, time or effort.
Happiness is an inside thing. Happiness is a choice that you make, it is not dependent on your situation, or anything that is happening outside of you. You may be in the place I was in, before I proved this to be completely correct. You can prove it to yourself too.
Happiness comes from your thoughts. The way you view and think about anything is how you will perceive that thing.
True happiness gives the feeling of peace, harmony and restfulness. It uplifts your emotional vibrations.
What I found has helped me to move from depending on external emotional support was to be honest with myself, to follow the S,E,T way of identifying what I am feeling and thinking.
Remember; S stands for Sensations, these are energy vibrations that we feel in our body, these physical sensations are identified in your body, sometimes they are felt as tension, headaches, a knot in your belly, discomfort. These are usually the sensations we are trying to avoid.
E stands for Emotions, emotions are named by one word. Such as anger, nervous, happy, sad, disappointed, confident. This one word describes what you are feeling in your body. Most people are unaware of what they are feeling, and are unable to label their emotions accurately. The better we can label our emotions the better we can use them for our good. Emotions are neither positive or negative, it is the meaning we give them, that determines what we make them mean to us. All emotions are acceptable.
T stands for Thought. Thoughts are described in a single sentence. Often our internal language begins with I am … and what we say to ourselves after these two words are so powerful, these are what create our future. A thought is an idea or opinion that comes from your brain. Thoughts are seeds, and can be sown by anyone at any time. A thought that is repeated often enough becomes a belief, and a belief can become an unconscious programme or habit, these habits then run our lives without our conscious awareness.
So, Happiness is … A choice that we make by the thoughts we think about every situation we face.
Happiness is … An emotional reaction to our thoughts, that we feel in our body.
True happiness doesn’t have any side effects, it leaves you feeling better, than before happiness was present.
What do you do for happiness?
What are you thinking when you are feeling happy?
How can you think like this deliberately?
Use S.E.T. to unravel your sensations, emotions and thoughts. Learning to sit with these thoughts, emotions and sensations without having to do anything with them or about them, creates emotional freedom. Know that the sensations can not harm you, they are just energy vibrations moving in your body, they will be uncomfortable but not harmful. (If you require help to unravel these sensations, contact me for coaching.)
Until next time, discover what makes you happy, and repeat often.