Week 2: What Are You Actually Afraid of?

Last week, I began noticing something I had previously moved past without much thought.
The way my body reacts before something happens.
That moment where:
my heart starts racing
my chest tightens
and there’s an urge to either avoid… or push through
Instead of doing either, I’ve been practising something simple:
Noticing.
Naming it.
“My body is activated.”
No fixing.
No forcing.
Just becoming aware of what’s already there.
And from that place of awareness, something interesting begins to open up…

Welcome to Authentic Living Coaching.
I’m Linda Codlin, Transformational Life Coach.
Welcome, my friends.

“What Am I Actually Afraid Of?”
Understanding the Meaning Beneath Anticipatory Anxiety

Sometimes the fear is not really about the thing itself.
Not the appointment.
Not the conversation.
Not the monitor.
Not the social situation.
Sometimes the nervous system reacts to what the thing represents.
And often, that meaning exists so quickly and so deeply that we don’t even realise we’re assigning it.

My Experience

As I sat with my own anticipatory anxiety, I began to notice something important:
The reaction wasn’t really about using the monitor.
It was about everything my mind connected to the monitor.
Responsibility.
Restriction.
Identity.
Being “someone with a problem.”
The possibility that life might need to change.
The fear was layered.
And underneath it all was a quieter question:
“What happens if this changes how I see myself?”
That awareness shifted something.
Because once I understood the meaning beneath the reaction, I could respond with more compassion instead of just frustration.

Anxiety Often Protects Meaning, Not Reality

The nervous system does not only respond to physical danger.
It also responds to emotional meaning.
Sometimes we avoid things because they symbolise:
Loss of freedom
Fear of judgment
Fear of failure
Fear of responsibility
Fear of change
Fear of being seen differently
Fear of disappointing ourselves or others
The mind creates a story around the experience before the experience even happens.
And the body reacts to that story as if it is already true.

The Invisible Equation

A lot of anticipatory anxiety follows an unconscious pattern:

“If I do this… then something painful will happen.”

For example:
If I wear the monitor → I’ll lose my freedom
If I speak up → I’ll be judged
If I go to the event → I’ll feel exposed
If I succeed → more will be expected of me
These meanings often develop quietly over years.
Not because we are irrational—
but because the nervous system learns through association.

Why Understanding the Meaning Matters

When we only focus on the behaviour, we often stay stuck.
We try to “make ourselves do the thing.”
But deeper change happens when we become curious about what the thing represents.
Because often the fear is not:
“I can’t do this.”
It is:
“I don’t know if I’ll be safe emotionally if I do.”
That is a very different conversation.

A Gentle Reframe

Instead of asking:
“Why can’t I just do it?”
Try asking:

“What does this mean to me?”

Not to judge yourself.
Not to talk yourself out of it.
Just to understand the deeper layer your body may already be responding to.
Awareness softens resistance.

This Week’s Gentle Practice

Choose one thing you’ve been avoiding or resisting.
Complete this sentence slowly:
“If I do this, then __ will happen.”
Keep writing until the deeper fear appears.
You might be surprised by what your nervous system has been trying to protect.

Journal Prompts

What am I actually afraid will happen?
What meaning have I attached to this situation?
What identity fear might exist underneath this?
What am I trying to protect myself from feeling?
Is this fear based on the present moment—or past conditioning?

One Real-Life Step

This week, practice separating:
the actual event
from
the meaning attached to it
When you notice activation, gently ask:

“What story is my mind attaching to this?”

No need to fix it.
Just notice the association.

Closing Reflection

Sometimes the fear is not about the moment itself.
It’s about what the moment has come to represent.
And understanding that can become the beginning of compassion instead of self-judgment.
You don’t need to rush this.
Your body is learning safety—one moment at a time.

As I’ve been exploring what sits underneath the reaction, one thing has become clear:
It’s not just the situation itself that creates the intensity.
It’s what I believe about it.
The meaning I attach.
The outcome I imagine.
The version of myself I think I’ll have to become.
And when those feel big, overwhelming, or restrictive…
it makes sense that my body would want to pull away.
So the question becomes:
How do we move forward without forcing ourselves through something that feels too much?
Next week, I’ll be exploring a different approach—
one that isn’t about pushing through fear,
but about making the step small enough to feel safe.

oxo Linda

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Share Your Reflection

You might like to take a few moments to notice what stood out to you as you read.
What are you becoming aware of in your body, your thoughts, or your responses?
You may find it helpful to gently observe this over the next few days — patterns often become clearer with time and awareness.
If it feels supportive, you’re invited to reflect a little more deeply here:

👉 Share your reflections (this opens a short reflection form)

If You’d Like to Explore This Further

If something in this stirred recognition, and you feel curious about understanding yourself more deeply, you’re warmly invited to take the next step.
I offer a free 30-minute introduction to coaching — a gentle, no-obligation space to meet, ask questions, and sense whether this work feels right for you.

👉Book a free 30-minute introduction

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Anticipatory Anxiety — From Avoidance to Relationship

Each post builds on the last, supporting a gradual shift from avoidance toward relationship with ourselves.

In Week 1, we explored: When Your Body Says No.
Your body is not failing you—it is responding from learned protection.

In Week 2, we explored: What Am I Actually Afraid Of?
The nervous system responds to emotional meaning, not just external events.

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As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

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