5 Tips for Healing a Triggering Relationship

Often the relationships we have with other people can be the deciding factor of how happy we are in our lives.
Relationships can be enjoyable and fulfilling.
Today I share 5 tips to a relationship breakthrough

Hello My Friends

This week has been a big breakthrough week in personal relationships for me.

There has been a relative in my life, who has always been a trigger for me.
This person has always been like the grain of sand in your shoe, the more you walk with it, the more tender your feet become until you can’t walk anymore.

I have been working on being the woman who doesn’t hold hurts or grudges.
Whenever this person was in my space all my good intentions flew out the door.

One day as I was meditating about my relationship with this person, I realised I had an agenda.
There were things I wanted from this person.
There were behaviours I wanted them to do, needs I had that I was wanting them to fulfill.
I had all these expectations around this relationship.
This person was not fulfilling any of them.
How could they, I had not voiced my needs to them.
I was too afraid they would reject me, so I was rejecting them first.
This way of being was not suiting the way I want be.

Let me share the process I went through to gain my breakthrough.

1) I had to accept this person as their own individual person. A person who makes there own decisions, who lives their life the way they want, even if it isn’t suiting them.
This person gets to make their own way. AND it doesn’t have anything to do with me.

2) I spent a lot of time journaling about my expectations. Asking and answering questions about what I thought I was owed in our relationship.
What do I need from this person?
Why do I believe they owe me this need fulfilment?
How can I fulfill this need myself in a healthy and satisfying way?

3) Then I pulled out the big guns. I went through my forgiveness process.
With both this person and myself.
Relationships are never totally one sided. I had my share in the responsibility for it not working in a healthy and mutually beneficial way.

I sat still, calming myself with my breathing, then I imagined this person sitting opposite me.
I opened my heart to pour out all the reasons I was sorry the relationship hadn’t been fulfilling for me.
Then I imagined how the other person would respond in an ideal world. (this is all happening in my imagination, my ideal world)
Saying they were sorry for their share in the relationship, telling me all the things I felt I needed to hear them apologize for.
When all the ‘I’m sorry’s’ were complete.

We moved into the Forgive me phase. I asked for forgiveness for all the expectations I had, for the way I had behaved, for the belief I had around our relationship.
Then I imagined the other person asking me for forgiveness for their part in our relationship, for all the things I needed to hear.

Remember the forgiveness process is about you, it is for you and about you.
In this case it was about me, and for me.

The next step after we had forgiven each other, was to say our I love you’s.
Mentally seeing this person sitting opposite me and telling them I love them, let me know I was no longer holding any grudges or hurts.
And receiving an I love you back from them was also healing to my spirit.

We then moved into sharing our gratitude for each other.
Saying Thank you for all the skills I had to master because of their actions or inactions.
Thanking them for being a part of my character building process. I wouldn’t who I am today without their input, positive and negative.
Being grateful for this person shifted my energy.

Then allowing myself, in my imagination to see how I also had impacted their lives in both the positive and negative ways, building them into the person they are today.
For me this created humility, realising that my actions and inactions have an effect.

Once I’d done this process, I let it sit for a while, a few weeks actually.
Every time I thought of this person, I tried to remember I’d forgiven them and myself for our old patterns.

4) I sat down with my journal and asked myself questions about how I wanted our relationship to be going forward.
How would I respond when certain conversations or actions appeared?

5) When I knew I was about to have physical contact with this person. The morning of that day, I asked myself a series of questions.
These questions guided the way I interacted with this person, helping to create the breakthrough I experienced.
I determined ahead of time how I was going to respond.
Will I take what is being said personally? “Nope”
Will I be offended by what is being said? “Nope”
Will I be interested in the story behind the story? “Yes definitely”
Will I argue and try to change their point of view? “Nope”
Will I give them space to vent and share? “Definitely”

I was privileged to witness the pain and hidden beliefs that have been driving this persons life.
I got to feel compassion for their pain and hurt and understanding why they do what they do, and why they treat people like they do.
Including me.
I got to forgive this person a little more.
I got to let go more of my hurt feelings.
I got to see them, without my needs colouring what I was seeing.

I’m hoping that this process will help you to have a breakthrough with someone in your life who you feel keeps triggering you. If you want help moving through this process my contact details are below.

Until next time.
Give someone who triggers you this 5 step process.

oxoxo Linda

As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

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