Everything You Do, Fills a Need.

Do you sometimes wonder why you do what you do?
How you can be so polished in some areas of your life and not in others?
Every action you take, every thought you think, and every feeling you have is designed to fill a need, whether you know it or not.

Hello, My Friends

Do you find some weeks are emotionally draining?
Other peoples drama’s and attitudes take over every conversation.
This week end was one of those weekends.

When people monopolise the conversation, hijack the meeting, coerce other people and generally bully, kindly of course, other people to behave in a way that suits them. How do you respond?
I think the way we respond to situations like these say so much about us, our way of being, our thought processes and our needs.

Everything we do, we do to get a need met.
When I first heard this I didn’t believe it.
I told myself things like, I enjoy helping people. (and I do, my motive wasn’t always pure though.)
I told myself that doing or saying a certain thing was my ‘right’. I was allowed to have my say. (and I am, however why do I feel the need to have my say, to prove I’m right and they’re not)
I told myself that, this is the way I am, ‘they’ had better get used to it, I’ve always been this way and I’m not changing now. (not always helpful in gaining understanding, and I can change at any time I choose to.)

Everything you and I do, we do to get a need met.
It may be an unconscious need.
We may feel we are invisible so make a grand entry to be seen. This entry can be elegant, poised and graceful, or it could be tripping up, and bumping into people.
Your mind doesn’t really care how the need is met, so long as it is.
We have more unconscious needs than we know about.

When you have the need for security, you will find that security in relationships, even when those relationships are not good for your health and well-being.
Some times you stay in relationships that are detrimental to your life, so you can feel safe. The safety you know, even when it is unsafe is easier than moving to somewhere physically safe but emotionally insecure.
You will seek security by working hard to earn money, which you may or may not spend. The feeling behind spending or not spending, could be lack and scarcity.
Your form of security might in holding onto items, not being able to throw things away, or give things away.
Your form of security might be in property, ensuring you always have an address to come home to.
Each of these is the outworking of a need. The route to getting the need met can be completely different however the end result is you need to feel secure.

I want to suggest another way to feel secure, to gain all the security you need, and maybe bypass some of the external things that hold us down and hold us back from making better decisions, in other areas of our lives.

This way is to begin to ask yourself, “How do I need to feel secure right now?”
Or if security isn’t your thing, ask yourself, “How is what I’m doing filling a need in me?”
Every time you find yourself buying something you don’t really need, or can’t really afford, ask these two questions, then give your brain the time to find the answer.

Remember, we never ever beat ourselves up. We put on the detective hat, and seek out where our hidden needs are.
The motive for seeking our hidden needs is to heal them, to bring them into our conscious awareness.
Once we are aware what we are doing, and why we are doing it, we then have a choice as to what we want to think, how we want to feel, how we act or react and who we want to be.

Every little shift in the direction of awareness and better choices moves us into the life we really want.

If security is your subconscious need, becoming aware that having a certain address or area code could be part of your need to feel secure.
Once you are aware you get to decide whether this need is something you are wanting to embrace or wanting to change.
What if you have never felt comfortable living in a stately home, a space that shows wealth and opulence but to you feels like it has no heart, and your hearts desire has always been to travel the world.
The need for security has kept you in this home, (there may be other needs piggy backing this as well.)
You may decide to downsize, sell up completely, purchase a motor home and see the world. Following your dream.
You may decide you want to keep the home, and lease it out, and travel the world.
Once you see the need, you can work with it. You get to let it be, or you get to grow through it.
You get to decide if the need is serving you or not.

Everything we do, we do to fill an emotional need.
Freedom is on the other side of these needs.
We get to understand that everyone is exactly the same, we all have needs, and sometimes how we get those needs met may create drama, and difficulties.
Sometimes getting our needs met can create reactions in others.
We are responsible for our lives, for seeking the needs that drive our behaviours and generating those in ways we are happy with.

Remember everything you do, you do to get a need met.

Until next time my friend, put your detective hat on and go looking for one need that your actions are filling.

oxoxo Linda.

As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

If what I am sharing resonates with you, follow me, reach out, share with a friend, like or leave a message below,

When you are ready to make a transformational difference in your life, contact me for a one on one coaching session.