Leading: 5 reasons for wanting to lead.
Hello, My Friends
Five reasons you may want to lead, yourself or others.
1) The need to be in control.
Often people will try to control other people to feel like they have control, when there is little of no personal control in their own lives.
2) The need to have things happen in certain ways,
to create a set of situations that feel supportive, to reduce fear.
3) The need to affect an outcome of a situation in a certain manner,
to ensure certain behaviours are adhered to, or eliminated.
4) The need to help people to become their best selves,
which can come from a position of lack, scarcity and trying to earn trust or worthiness.
5) The need to punish ones self for the perceived wrong done in ones life.
Click on the link below to see today video clip.
You’ll notice I have deliberately focused on the not so positive sides of leading.
This type of leading has an ulterior motive, which usually has the leading person gaining something from keeping other people in check.
People who feel like they do not have control in their lives, will strive to control everything around them and about them.
This could look like having a picture perfect home, where nothing is out of place, where the house looks like it has been prepped for a photo shoot.
It could also look like over focusing on small seemingly insignificant details, like having the grout in the bathroom sparking clean all the time.
Needing to be in control of all the details could look like micro-managing every detail, children’s schedule’s, clothes choices, where each family member is at what time.
People who need to have things happen in a certain way, lead to reduce their anxiety, they insist on activities being done a set way, at a set time.
They often don’t do change well, and they can lose self control when feeling stressed, due to changes in their routines.
This type of leader is willing to do what is needed to keep the order they need to feel secure and supported.
The need to affect the outcome of a situation can see people in lead roles bending the rules, using coercion, or bully tactics to get their own way.
Often people with this type of leading have a low self esteem and require the feeling of being the boss or being right to bolster themselves.
They can bolster their need to see a set outcome as the best situation for everyone and be hard nosed as they strive to have everyone adhere to their perception.
The helper, uses softer tactics, like manipulation, and guilt to get peolple to do what they want. The person coming for help often comes from a place of lack which gives the lead the feeling of power.
The helper acts like they want to help the person, but actually perpetuates the victim role in the helped, by keeping them dependant on the helper.
This form of ‘help’ is another form of control and can be very hard to recognise in both the helper and the helped.
This one is the leader who punishes themselves for percieved wrongs committed. This form of leading looks like a very self-controlled and organized person.
The motive for the things they do, is punishment, is to even the score, to prove themselves.
This can look like excessive exercising, strict adherance to diets, and like the first two they will control everything about their environment.
These leaders have a tight reign on themselves, never really trusting themselves. They appear to be very responsible, and put together.
However they also feel like they are not in control of their lives.
Each of these 5 forms of leading are harmful, to the lead and to those being “lead”.
If you see yourself as either the leader or as the one being ‘Led’, please do not beat yourself up.
Awareness is the beginning of all change.
Conect with me through facebook Linda Codlin 25 -authenticlivingwithlinda and we can create a coaching plan to move you into the positive swing of leading.
Today’s Inspirational droplet is Those who need to control others, feel out of control themselves.
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