Hello, My friends,
How was your Valentines Day? Did you spend time with your significant other? Did you make time to celebrate with your friends?
My hubby and I had dinner with my brother and his wife, we shared great food and excellent conversation. We also watched a movie that was on our love to see list, and to top it off we came home to see the deer from the hill behind us, pop out of our neighbours garden, look at us and trot on down the road.
What if I were to tell you, you can have Valentines Day everyday of the year. Would you call me crazy? Tell me that you’d go broke, buying that many gifts.
What is Valentines Day? When we strip the commercialization away, the “I have to get her/him something big, or expensive to symbolize my love and affection.” Valentines Day boils down to a day to celebrate the ones we love.
My belief is that we can only love someone to the extent that we love ourselves. Love is a thought, followed by a feeling/emotion, which we then put into action.
Imagine, that your life is like a water fountain, when the water is flowing freely, you have more than enough to share, the water splashes over the edges and trickles into the crevices, nourishing everything it touches. Love is the water, love is one of the most basic needs a human being has.
Your authentic self is the source of that water/love.
If you neglect the source you won’t have anything to give.
To love yourself, to have genuine self acceptance, to be truly confident in who you are and what you can do, is the spring that the water/love flows from.
In your life you may have gremlins working hard to squash any form of self love, telling you, “Who do you think you are? Loving yourself is vanity, it’s stupid, it’s prideful, you’re too fat, too thin, not smart enough.” This list is endless. It is an untrue list.
We deserve love because WE ARE.
Let me repeat that, “We deserve love because WE ARE.” Not because of what we can do, but because we are. We are not human doings, we are human beings. We are alive, today, hence WE ARE.
I’m not talking about the love of anyone else, I’m talking about the love of the most important person in your life. YOU!
I can almost hear some of you laughing at me, “Yeah,right! you don’t live in my skin, you haven’t done the things I’ve done, seen the things I’ve seen, or lived through the things I’ve lived through.”
You are right, I haven’t.
I have lived my own version of a life without love. To me it wasn’t pretty either, it has left scars and insecurities, hurdles that I am still working to overcome, I guess that’s part of what it means to be a human being.
However, loving ourselves is entirely our choice. We get to choose how we think about ourselves. The next time you head to the bathroom, stop in front of the mirror, wink at yourself and say, “You’re looking good.” If you’re alone and feeling brave say it out loud so your ears hear it.
What is the response that comes back instantly? Is it uplifting and encouraging, or is it deflating and pessimistic?
Whatever it is. It is good, notice it, observe with interest. DO NOT beat yourself up! This is your starting place.
To move forward from where you are, you need to know where you are. By observing your reaction to the mirror conversation, you have a starting point.
Every morning when you have your shower, shave or apply your make-up, look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say, “I think you’re the best.” “You’re looking mighty handsome/sexy this morning.” Watch with interest what comes back at you, these are the things you can begin to find the opposite of and start reassuring yourself with.
For example, My past Linda would say, “You look lovely today.” into the mirror and instantly the reply would be, “Who are you kidding, your hair needs a cut, your face is too fat, and those clothes, argh.” Nasty Linda was in her prime. I learned to shut her down by listening to what she was saying, acknowledging the grain of truth and by taking care of me, I got the hair cut, I told her this is my face, then I began to care for it, I began a beauty routine. I may not be able to change it, however, I can work with what I’ve got, I began taking better care of the clothes I had. With each action I shut the voice down. Then I’d say something new to myself in the mirror and listen to the response and take action to counter what I was hearing.
Once you’ve mastered giving yourself genuine compliments, you can look yourself in the eye and say with conviction, “I love you.” Using the same process, of watching with interest the thoughts and reactions that come up, finding the positive opposite and reinforcing that. The depreciating self-talk will be eliminated and only love will be reflected back to you.
I am statements are the most powerful things you can say about and to yourself. Ensure they are positive and in the present tense.
I am Confident
I am Responsible
I am Beautiful
I am Kind
I have found that this has been the quickest way to retrain my mind to think in a way that allows my fountain of love to flow freely, to and through me.
Valentines Day everyday, is learning to love ourselves without conditions.
To love ourselves, because WE ARE.
The greatest gift we can give ourselves and those we love, is to speak kindly, to show acts of thoughtfulness, to have compassion, and to be our true most authentic selves.
I want to leave you with a challenge I was given a while ago.
For the next thirty days first thing in the morning, and last thing at night, by yourself, in front of a mirror, stand up straight, square your shoulders, look yourself in the eye, and quietly, but with conviction, say in the first-person present tense.
” I ________ am a person of integrity, I am enthusiastic, I take pride in my appearance and what I do. I have a sense of humour, I have empathy, compassion and dedication.
I have character, I am knowledgeable, I have a healthy self-image, a passion for what is right. I have faith, wisdom and a vision for my life.
I am honest, sincere, disciplined, and motivated. I am focused, I get things done in a timely manner. I am bold, authoritative, and confident. I am humble, fair and sensitive.
I am an active listener, a student, a teacher and a self starter, I am an excellent communicator, I am resourceful, creative, competent and intelligent. I am health-conscious, I am active, flexible, punctual and persistent. I am developing winning habits.
I am an honourable person who is truly grateful for the opportunity life has given me. These are the qualities of the winner I was born to be, I am committed to developing these marvelous qualities with which I have been entrusted.
*Tonight I am going to sleep wonderfully well, I will dream powerful, positive dreams. I will awaken energized and refreshed, and tomorrow’s going to be magnificent!
*Today is the first day of the rest of my life, I am blessed, today is a wonderful day to be alive.
Choose one quality that you want to improve, study that quality and implement it in your life. I can guarantee, that you will see a difference in how you show up for yourself.
This week let your water fountain, of love, splash those around you with the authenticness of who you are. Happy Valentines Day every day of the year.
Until next time
Linda Codlin