Overcoming Persecution Mentality: Insights on Trauma

Welcome to Authentic Living Coaching
I’m Linda Codlin, Transformational Life Coach.

Welcome, My Friends.

This week we celebrate Easter. In New Zealand, Easter is a four day public holiday. Easter Friday and Easter Sunday the shops are closed and the Television stations and Radio’s are advertisement free.
I am reminded of a time when weekend shopping was not available, if you didn’t do your shopping or groceries on the week days, you had to wait till the following Monday.
Imagine that, not being able to purchase anything on the weekends.
That’s a mindset shift right there.

Today I want to talk about a few of the causes and contributing factors that can lead to having a persecution mentality.

These causes and contributing factors are for information, they are not intended to place any judgment or guilt, or excuse making on anyone.
If you find yourself reflected back in any of these factors, please seek out professional advice.

Trauma:

Trauma is often at the root of a persecution mindset.
The definition of trauma I want to use is …

“Trauma is what happens when something overwhelms your ability to cope, process, or feel safe- and your body and mind remember it, even when the moment has passed, your body and brain continue to act like it is still happening.”

Trauma isn’t just about the event- it’s about the impact the event has on the person.
Trauma includes both BigT Trauma (like violence or accidents) and littlet trauma (Like rejection, shame, or emotional neglect)
The trauma response honours the nervous system’s role, which explains why people might react strongly, (overreact )to things that seem small on the surface. It acknowledges that the event was too much for your system to handle at the time.

Some of the common types of unresovled trauma or abuse that can manifest as a persecution mindset.

A) Childhood Neglect:

Is not always about what was done to the child- it’s often about what wasn’t done that should have been.
Neglect is when a child’s basic need for love, attention, safety or care are not met.

1. Emotional Neglect: This is when a child’s feelings, thoughts, or emotional needs are ignored, dismissed or not responded to.
2. Physical Neglect: This is where a child’s basic physical needs like food, clothing, shelter, hygiene, or medical care are not being met.
3. Educational Neglect: This is where a child isn’t being supported to learn or to attend school or opportunities to learn.
4. Supervisory Neglect: This is where a child is not protected from harm or proper guidance and boundaries have not been provided.
5. Spiritual or Identity Neglect: This is where a child’s natural curiosity, beliefs, and sense of self are dismissed or shamed.

B) Low Self-Esteem:

Is when a person struggles to believe they are valuable, worthy, or good- just as they are.
Low self-esteem shows up as self-doubt, self-criticism, and a consistent persistent sense of not being “good enough” in all the facets of the not enoughness, broken, underserving or wrong belief structure.
Low self-esteem is learned, often early in childhood, very subtly- through repeated experiences that shape how they see themselves.
Contributing factors are…

1. Chronic Criticism or Harsh Expectations: A repeated pattern of being judged, corrected, or expected to perform at a high standard- often without emotional support, encouragement or acceptance.
   This is when someone keeps pointing out what you did wrong, or only notices and comments when you are not doing something to their standard or way of living.
2. Emotional Neglect: This is when someone’s feelings, thoughts or emotional needs are ignored, dismissed or not responded to, which creates the internal dialogue of “My feelings don’t matter- so I don’t matter.”
   An emotionally neglected person learns to hide themselves, to not make a fuss, or not to bother anyone. Or they become loud and attention seeking, desiring to get their needs met.
3. Unmet Need For Attachment and Validation: This is when a person’s deep need to feel securely connected, seen, soothed, and accepted by others isn’t met consistently.
   The need for attachment and validation is learned in response to receiving love, praise or acknowledgement only when they perform in ‘acceptable’ ways, behave in a certain manner, or when they please other people in keeping the peace.
   This leaves the person feeling unsure of their worth.
   If they are not proving themselves, keeping others happy, striving to be safe and wanted, they don’t feel loved or acceptable.
4. Shame-Based Upbringing: This upbringing is where love, acceptance, or belonging were tied to being “good” or “right,” and mistakes or emotions were met with blame, punishment, or silence- rather than understanding.
   The belief that comes from a shame-based childhood, is that there is something wrong with you for feeling that way, doing that thing, or being who you are. That you are not good enough, that for some reason you are so bad that you strive to be ‘good’ and ‘right’ all the time. This is where perfectionism can begin to grow, the fear of making a mistake becomes ties to your identity.
   There is no differentiation between action and being. Instead of knowing you did something bad, you feel you are bad.
5. Abandonment: This is the experience-real or perceived- of being emotionally, physically, or energetically left alone when you most needed connection, comfort, or protection.
   It’s about the felt sense of being unwanted, unimportant, or invisible.
   Physical abandonment is when a parent, loved one, partner, (any other person, who was important to you) leaves. Leaving can be a separation, divorce, death, addiction, work, illness, incarceration or literally walking out and never returning.
   Emotional abandonment is your significant person is present in body, but is disconnected, unavailable or dismissive. Your emotions or needs are minimized, ignored or shamed.
   Inconsistency abandonment is when love and attention are sporadic, sometimes love is given, and sometimes it’s not, sometimes attention is given and sometimes it is not, sometimes there is warmth and caring, sometimes there is rejection, there is no consistency to allow trust to grow. The behaviour can be the same, but the attention is dependent on the significant other person’s state of mind or being.
   With abandonment the belief learned is it isn’t safe to connect with people, they can leave at any time.

C) Cognitive Distortions: (Twisted Thinking.)

These are automatic, unhelpful thought patterns that twist how we see ourselves, others, and the world.
The brain sometimes gets the facts wrong and turns them into scary stories, especially when they are formed from past experiences, particularly painful or unsafe experiences, these become mental “shortcuts” that the brain uses to make sense of things.
These shortcuts often exaggerate, assume, or distort reality, leading to the feelings of anxiety, worthlessness and being stuck.
The belief becomes I need to control everything that happens to me, and as such the blame game plays a huge part of this belief.

1. All or Nothing Thinking: (Black and White thinking) This is seeing things in extremes-good or bad, success or failure, winning or losing, right or wrong- with no room for the in-between stages.
   This is a survival mindset that tries to simplify things so we can feel safer-which also leaves no space for growth, progress or self-compassion.
2. Overgeneralization: This is when one painful experience gets stretched into a broad rule about life, people, or yourself.
   Overgeneralization is usually accompanied by the words, “always,” “never,” “no-one,” or “everyone.” The brain does this as form of predict and protect function to keep us safe.
   This form of thinking often keeps us feeling stuck in fear and disconnection, preventing us from seeing or taking advantage of new possibilities.

3. Catastrophizing: This is when the brain jumps to the worst possible outcome, even when there’s little evidence for it.
It turns small challenges into huge threats, and uncertainty into danger.

It’s often rooted in anxiety or past trauma, where the nervous system learned to expect the worst as a way to stay ready, prepared, or safe.”
Catastrophizing creates a physical response in your body, it triggers the flight or fight response which floods your body with adrenalin, without an emergency actually being present.
This can create a feeling of being powerless, or responsible for other’s moods or actions.

4. Mind Reading: Mind reading is when we assume we know what someone else is thinking—especially about us—without checking in with them.
   Mind Reading is usually negative, based on fear or past pain, and it skips over facts in favor of assumption.

The mind does this to stay prepared, avoid rejection, or to stay in control.
However, it often creates disconnection, anxiety, and self-sabotage. We guess how others feel, we experience rejection, shame, or fear by what we have decided the other person is feeling.
This creates false stories that feel very real, which cut off communication and connection, creating stress, withdrawal and people pleasing.

This is not an exhaustive list of the causes and contributing factors that effect the way we think, which has us thinking in a persecutory manner.

Did you see yourself in any of these outlines and definitions?
Remember the purpose of this blog is for information, if you want to investigate any of these ways of seeing the world, you can connect with me, or see a therapist to help you build a strategy and support system around you to enable you to gain your power back.

Over the coming weeks I will be diving into some of these topics to expand on them a bit more.
If you are interested to know more, remember to like this post, click the follow button, and book a free 30 minute call.

Until next time: Do you find…
You feel stuck in your head—constantly second-guessing yourself, overthinking conversations, and imagining worst-case scenarios.
You find it hard to trust others… or yourself.
You often assume people are upset with you, even when nothing has been said.
You carry the weight of perfectionism, shame, or the belief that you’re “too much” or “not enough.”
You feel responsible for other people’s moods, needs, or reactions.
You’ve tried to “think positive” or “just move on,” but deep down the old wounds still show up in your thoughts, relationships, and self-talk.
You’re not dramatic. You’re not weak.
You’re patterned. And those patterns made perfect sense at the time—but they’re not serving you anymore.
If you’re ready to gently but powerfully unravel those old stories and build something new, I’ll walk alongside you every step of the way.

xoxox Linda

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As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

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