Mastering Speaking with Confidence in Social Situations

By focusing on authenticity, showing interest in others, and preparing conversation topics, individuals can enhance their social skills and boost self-esteem.

Welcome to Authentic Living with Linda
I’m Linda Codlin

Welcome, My Friends.

Speaking with confidence.
Do you ever feel self-conscious when you enter a room of people you don’t know?
Today I want to talk about this feeling and how we can learn new ways of handling ourselves.

When I joined Toastmasters in the town where I live, I didn’t know anyone.
I had seen an advert somewhere, and wanted to improve my speaking style.
At the time, I felt so overwhelmed at the thought of talking to a room of people I didn’t know.
I would forget what I had planned to say, and would stand in awkward silence.
Toastmasters is a great club to join if you are wanting to gain confidence in your ability to speak to people, whether in a business scene or whether you have a presentation you are giving to your favourite club.

How to speak with confidence to people you don’t know yet?

The very first thing I learned to do when speaking to people I don’t know yet, was to stop the inner dialogue in my head.
My inner dialogue would run away with me, it would compare me to the person I was planning to talk to.
The dialogue went something like, “she looks so put together, why would she want to talk to me.”
“I’m not as smart as she is, I’ll open my mouth and put my foot in it, better to be silent.”

What do you do when you negatively compare yourself to another?

You shrivel up inside, it sucks the confidence you do have right out of you.
Comparing ourselves with others never works for giving us confidence to begin a conversation.
When we focus on ourselves and our overwhelming feelings of inferiority we give our power away before we even open our mouths.
The people in the room have already read your body language, they have sized you up, this is providing they even noticed you.
Most people seldom notice others, you know why, they are absorbed in themselves.

Do You want to be the most liked person in the room?

Be yourself, when you are authentically you, you are likeable.
When you are feeling good about yourself, you portray yourself in a way that is naturally attractive.
However, if you feel like you have to behave in a certain way to be noticed or to gain the attention of someone you consider to be above you, in my experience, it never works. You may get the attention you seek, but your inner self knows you sold your self out to get it.
And the next time you meet these people you have to remember to act in the same way you did before, to maintain your cover.
This is when the imposter syndrome has the opportunity to knock at your heart.
When you are authentic to you, you are never being an imposter.

Being the most liked person in the room.

Talk to people about the topic they love the most.
Themselves, find out what they love to do, ask interested questions, be interested in their responses.
Share a little about yourself, your hobbies, your vocation then swing the conversation back to them again.
It’s a bit like playing a tennis game, each person gets to volley the ball (conversation) back and forth.
Ask open ended questions, questions that require an answer not just a yes or no. Yea or no answers are like the ball hitting the net and dropping to the ground. Play has to begin again with a new serve.
Also learn to read the body language of the people in the room.
This will tell you in advance who is open to having a conversation and who is not.
Move amongst the people, stopping to compliment, genuinely of course, notice something about each persons outfit that you can comment on, politely, you really don’t want to deliberately offend people.
You can be the person who wears a piece of clothing or jewellery that will start a conversation.

Speaking with confidence.

Know your topic, plan what you want to talk about with the people in the room.
For example if you are at a Spiritual retreat, you could ask about healing modalities, being prepared to share the knowledge you have.
If you are at a child’s birthday party, create speaking opportunities around childhood memories, a favourite birthday, ask the parents present, what stage of growth their child is going through at the moment.
If you are at a work meeting, know the topic of discussion, be interested in the presentation and the presenter. Offer praise for what you appreciate about the presentation.
Get to know the people you are meeting. Each environment has it’s own clues as to how to open a conversation.
Often we are too busy being self-conscious to notice the energy or vibe of the room.

Focus your attention outside of yourself, do everything you can before you attend to reduce your nervousness. Make sure your clothes are comfortable and suitable, ensure you are looking and feeling presentable then forget about yourself and focus on the people around you.

Until next time: Put yourself into an unfamiliar situation and start a conversation with someone you don’t know yet. Practice and hone your skills of conversation starting.

Are you ready to take your self-esteem to the next level and become introducing yourself to people you don’t know yet? I can help you to help yourself with that. My contact details are below, lets connect.

oxoxo Linda

As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

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