Socializing Children

Welcome to Authentic Living with Linda
I’m Linda Codlin

Welcome, My Friends.

We are celebrating, my brother has been transferred to our home town.
Almost nine months after his accident, he is almost home. There are a few tests and steps he has to go through before he’s able to return to his new normal life. It’s been a long road for him to travel on.
On the home front here, we also have had some difficult decisions to make, some dreams and desires to let go of.
I’m amazed at how this process doesn’t seem to feel any easier, the letting go of dreams always feels deflating and disappointing.
Sometimes we hold too tightly to what we want and we suffocate the life out of it, sometimes the timing just isn’t right, and sometimes we haven’t grown into the people we need to be to own it.
Whatever the reason, to me it still feels like I’m losing something, even though I know something better will come along because everything that happens to me, and through me, is happening for my good.

Today I want to talk about socialisation.
As human beings we are social beings, we live in families, communities, and countries with other people.
Learning to get along with these other people is a big part of what living is all about.

I want to share my point of view on socialising children.
There are 5 aspects of I want to focus on, if we can help our children gain mastery over these things, moving into adulthood may actually be a little easier.
I would also like to add that as adults these 5 aspects would also increase our ability to relate to other people as well. Just because we are in a bigger body doesn’t mean we have mastered every one of these skills.

Encourage your children and yourself to play.
In my accountability group this week we have been discussing what play looks and feels like to us as adults.
Do we actually make time to play?
Play is one of the fundamental ways children learn social skills, it’s how they practice taking turns, they learn kindness, what will work and what doesn’t work when sharing, they learn how to negotiate, to ask for what they want, to give something when asked for it.
Children’s interactions with each other teach them how to resolve conflict.
Siblings learn very early on how to play the game of life, to get what they want from adults and other famiiy members.
Play can be structured, as in team sports, board games, or cards.
Play can also be unstructured as in playing at a park, being given art supplies to use how they wish, or alone time to daydream and construct their own imaginings, like cars out of boxes.

Children learn a lot through observation. They watch and learn how to be in their world, by watching the behaviour of the adults around them .
We as adults model how life is to be lived in everything we do, without even trying. And children pick up on this.
I grew up in a family, where my dad would say. “Do as I say, not as I do.” Words count less than actions.
We teach our children how to have respectful conversations, how to say what they are feeling without attacking the other person, or avoiding the issue at hand.
We show our children what empathy in action looks like, we teach them how to solve problems, how to patiently work through situations till we get the solution we are aiming for. Children learn how to behave socially by watching and listening to the adults in their lives.

When we expose our children to a variety of social situations regularly they learn how each situation calls for a different set of behaviours.
For example, being in a church environment requires a different set of social skills, and behaviours than when they are in the park on the playground equipment.
Children who are exposed to many social settings and are taught the skills to manage well in these settings generally develop a level of comfort that allows them to feel more at ease, and less self-conscious when facing unfamiliar situations.
A few ideas for providing your children opportunities to interact with other people are playdates with friends or cousins of a wide range of ages, family gatherings where they meet aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents. (People who have different belief systems to their nuclear family.) School events such as galas, pet days, discoes, and sports days. And community activities where they can experience different cultures, people who don’t look and act in ways they are familiar with. Be prepared to explain to your children the differences they are seeing in a way that is inclusive of everyone.
Socialing children can be fun when it includes a vast range of diversity as in cultures, creative arts, and history.

This aspect of socialising children is dear to my heart.
Teaching our children to understand and manage their emotions.
Givng them opportunity to recognize their own feelings, to figure out how their feelings can impact other people, and realizing that other people also have feelings that impact on them.
Validating their feelings as being okay, and modeling appropriate ways to express these feelings will foster empathy, and improve their ability to get along with others.
Helping our children to value the feelings and emotions they have builds a strong sense of self-identity in our children.
Children who can relate to their own body and feelings have a greater capacity to identify with the emotions and feelings of other people.

Our final aspect for socialising children is helping them respect the boundaries of others and to set and maintain clear boundaries for themselves.
As adults when we set clear and consistent boundaries and routines for our children we give them structure and help them understand what behaviour is acceptable in the social settings they are about to go into.
Helping your children to adhere to the expectations by enforcing these boundaries helps children to self-discipline or self-regulate what is acceptable and what is not. This builds respect within your children for themselves and for others.
Each of the boundaries you put in place will require you to explain what the purpose of it is, and what the result will be if this expectation is not carried out, I would recommend having this conversation before going into new or challenging social situations, so your children have the abilty to perform to your known expectations. Set them up for success at the outset.

The five aspects for socialising children, and ourselves are…
1, Encourage Play
2, Model Positive Behaviour
3, Provide Opportunities for Social Interaction
4, Teach Emotional Management
5, Set and Enforce Clear Boundaries.

By helping our children to master these 5 areas it is my hope that children will move more smoothly into adulthood, as well as have an enjoyable and memorable childhood.

Until next time my friends, pick one area you want to encourage your child in socially and create a great memory for them while they learn.
Remember as an adult we can do any one of these for ourselves to widen our socai expertise.

oxoxo Linda.

As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way. 

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