The unwritten rules of our lives guide all our thoughts.
Which influence our actions.
What are the top three rules you live by?
Do they serve you?
What would you rather have as a guide for your life?
“What do YOU really want?” for your life.
Hello, My Friends
What rules do you live by?
I was asked this question, it seems to be a relatively simple question.
What rules do I live by?
The more I thought about it, and the more I dug into the answers, I found it to be a hugely valuable question.
The rules we live by whether we realise it or not have an effect on our lives.
Some of the rules we live by have been handed down to us from the generation or generations before us.
Some of the rules we have picked up along the path of living, because they work for us.
Some of the rules we live by can only be seen from the outside looking in.
A few of the rules that governed my life in the past were…
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
This is a good rule, isn’t it?
On the surface it’s a noble rule.
As I worked deeper into my soul and authenticity, this rule had morphed into an excuse, a reason to please people and not listen to my gut instinct.
Each one of us has a love language, has a particular style of communication, has a preferred way of seeing the world around us.
By treating each person in the manner I wanted to be treated I was not giving those closest to me what they really needed.
I was seeking approval from others by the way I was interacting with them.
This rule kept me silent, when I wanted to speak. I didn’t want to offend, because I didn’t like being offended.
I gave too much, because I wanted people to give to me.
I cried out for affection, by giving too much affection.
When we come across as being needy, people know it and they run for the hills.
This one rule kicked into my need to please people, it was an excuse for me to give, to “be nice”, to feel justified in living the lie I had built around myself.
I was telling myself I am a “nice” person. Everyone wants to be “nice” right.
The thing about nice, for me was it wasn’t authentic.
It was a face, a facade, a cover up.
The real me wanted the freedom to speak her truth, to wear the clothes she wanted, to do the things she really liked to do.
She wanted to be seen for who she really is, rather than the reflection of those around her.
My new rule is…
Be authentically me, ASK, What do I really want right now? Then have the courage to make that come to life.
The second rule of my life was…
Emotions are dangerous, they are to be avoided at all costs.
This rule was an unconscious programme running in the back of my life.
This rule created havoc with everything.
I ate food to avoid feeling my emotions.
I exercised to punish myself and to release the energy of emotions.
I was constantly angry, feeling like something was wrong with me.
I was lonely, I wanted emotional connections, and chose ways of gaining connection with people that put me in vulnerable situations.
I spent money I didn’t have to purchase things to prove to myself and others that I was okay.
When we avoid feeling our emotions we do all sorts of things to make ourselves feel better.
The ones that work are the ones we carry with us.
Have you ever wondered why you always do certain things, it’s because some where there is an emotional pay off.
Unravelling this web, has been so freeing for me.
Actually seeing it as a rule that I was living by, opened my eyes to so many other areas, habits, beliefs, and fears.
Emotions are for feeling, they are telling us something about our situation, about ourselves, they are a safety net, and a safety valve.
When an emotion is felt, it dissapates.
What I found, was that because I had bottled all my emotions for so long, it felt like I was being swamped with emotion.
So, I began to unravel one emotion at a time. I started with my default emotion. Anger.
My new rule is…
Embrace your life, Life is for living.
I embrace my life, I choose to live today to the fullest that I can.
The Third rule I was living by was…
Life is hard, and it’s out to get me.
This rule was foundational, life is hard, and there is nothing you can do about it, you have to make the most of it and survive the best you can.
For me this rule kicked me into victim mode.
I was not in control of anything in my life, everything was a struggle and it was ‘supposed’ to be.
I was on guard, my shield was up, if life was hard then I was going to control how that hard affected me.
I expended a lot of energy trying to create a life that wasn’t hard.
Seems counter intuitive, I wanted a less hard life, but my belief was that life was hard and it was out to get me
This also dove tails into not feeling emotions.
And I think it has been one of the most difficult to beliefs to adjust.
This rule sneaks up on me all the time, I am constantly reminding myself that life is good, and that things are working for me.
My new rule is…
Include some fun, joy and pleasure in my everyday.
This I have to admit is a struggle for me to remember to do.
But when I do, my days feel lighter, my energy flows better.
I am happier.
Isn’t that what we all want to feel, happier, more energetic and emotionally free.
What are the secret rules you are living by?
Are they working for you?
Hint! Follow your gut feeling, your body already knows the answer to this.
Ask yourself this one question throughout the day.
WHAT DO I REALLY WANT RIGHT NOW?
Then ask, How can I make that happen for me?
Remember to be kind to yourself and others.
Have the courage to begin to give yourself what you really want.
Be your authentic self
Embrace your life
Include some fun, joy and pleasure into your days.
Until next time, My friends
Your challenge for this week is to ask yourself, “What do I really want?” and then to begin to step forward into creating that for yourself.
As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way.
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