Hello, My Friends
I hope you have had a week of blessings, that what you have put out into the Universe has come back to you.
That has been my experience this week. When you put out confidence, confidence comes back to you. When you put out fear, fear comes back to you in many disguised forms. When you state what you want and put in the action to back that want up, you find it comes to you, as you planned or in better ways.
This week I’ve been thinking about the subtilties of blame.
Who do you blame for the life you are now living?
Your parents? An Ex? Your spouse or partner? Your boss, current or past? The weather? Climate change?
Blame feels good, you get to lay all your problems onto some-one else. If only they did more, or did it this way, if only he/she didn’t argue so much. If only I was treated with more respect.
Blame lets you pass your life off to someone else’s control.
This is all well and good, when things don’t go right, when you can side step the wrath of some-one who has been hurt or property that has been damaged, and needs replacing.
The thing about blame is, it is a silent killer. It comes in quietly one thought at a time and steals your control, it steals your dreams, it steals your ability to make decisions.
I believe we lay blame because it is easy, it lets us off the hook. We get to point the finger at some-one else, indicating if they hadn’t done what they did then we wouldn’t be where we are now. And there is an element of truth in this.
Today I want to sow a new seed of thought.
What if we took responsibility for everything in our lives?
Instead of blaming our partner for not taking the rubbish out, we take responsibility for it.
If the trash doesn’t get taken out, who does it bother. You or your partner?
You, right? You want the space to be tidy, it is your emotions that are being upset, it is your energy that is being expended.
How about asking your partner to take the trash out? Oh, you’ve tried that, you say, and it sat all day in the house. So, what if you took it out yourself? “Then my partner wins.” What do they win? The laziness game, getting you to do more so they can do less.
If this is the foundation of your relationship, ask yourself, “Does this serve me?” Why would you want to be in a relationship that isn’t built on mutual respect?
In the rubbish scenario, you are giving your emotional power away over a bag of rubbish. If you are unable to take the rubbish out, employ some-one else to. Gain your emotional power back, stop blaming your partner for not fulfilling your needs. Find another way, that doesn’t harm you or your partner to get your needs met.
As you take responsibility for every decision you make, and every action you take, you will regain your power.
“What about things beyond my control?” You ask. You always have a choice, some times the consequence of one choice is less painful than that of another choice, their is always a consequence. Either way you will pay, every time you place the blame on someone else, and take the victim stance of this happened to me, I didn’t have a choice, you give the offender your power. And Yes, maybe they were in the wrong, but you are still suffering the consequence of your choice.
What if you had done a bit of background work and figured out what the long term result would be of not reading the entire contract before signing it, or presuming the other person had your best interests at heart, when your gut was telling you otherwise.
The thing I want you to think about is, who pays the price, the person you are blaming or you.
It is always you.
When-ever you give your energy away to some-one else’s behaviour, you pay the price. By blaming them, you are handing them the reins of your life, you may as well become their slave. They become your excuse for not following your heart, they become the reason you didn’t do as well as you could have done.
What about taking back the reins, acknowledging that your parents, your ex, your boss, your spouse or partner did mess up? What about, telling yourself they did what they did, and it can’t be changed now? What about letting the past go, and living in today.
The thing about blame is that it lives in the past, people may try to place the blame on you for some-thing that hasn’t happened yet, this is a form of manipulation and control. The blame is their issue not yours.
When you choose to be responsible for your thoughts and your actions, all of them, the ‘good’ ones and the ‘bad’ ones, you take back your control, and your power. By being responsible for everything that pertains to your life, you get to make decisions for your life. You take back power over the rubbish, you take back power over your boss, you take back your power over how you allow others to treat you.
Blame strips you of the power to act, it puts you in the passenger seat of your life. You are at the mercy of who ever is driving. Why not be your own driver? Face fear for yourself, instead of because of some one else, face your future head on, rather than through the lens of some-one who doesn’t want what you want.
Will things have to change? Yes! Will you be empowered to do so? I hope so. You are going to live your life anyway, why not make it on your terms? Why not live for your dreams? Why not pay the price for what you want? You’ll be paying a price either way, just with blame you pay the price by giving your power and control to others, when you choose to be responsible you pay the price of learning and growing, becoming empowered and strong, dynamic and victorious in your life.
Until next time, release blame and begin to walk into your power by taking responsibility for every aspect of your life, control all the things within your personal space. (Side note- you can’t control other people, only yourself, your thoughts and your actions)
Happy authentic living, being who you know are meant to be.
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