We can get lost in our pain,
We can also find and cut all the cords that keep us tied to it.
It is time to live again.
Quote by Roxana Jones Picture by Dorothea Oldani unsplash.com
Hello, My friends.
This week saw us heading out in the early morning, fishing. Surf-casting to be precise. The sun rise and the snow capped mountain were stunning. We were the only two on the beach, perfect. The only thing wrong with this picture was the amount of fish we were catching. It turns out the crabs were hungrier than the fish and stripped out bait relentlessly. No fresh fish this time, lots of fresh air and good company. Totally enjoyed our outing.
Last week I mentioned I’d talk about forgiveness. So, this week I’m going to jump in and tell you how I go about forgiving myself and those who hurt me inadvertently and purposefully.
First, let’s have a look at what forgiveness is. Forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. When we carry the hurt of some-one else’s actions, or in-actions, words or beliefs within us, we carry a heavy burden. This burden causes us pain, and stress, it creates tension in our bodies, we are not at ease with ourselves or those we hold a resentment towards. Anger, stress, pain, and distress does not care how it presents itself, it knows it needs relieving and tries to off load itself on anyone and anything within it’s vicinity.
Have you ever wondered why you snapped at a random stranger, who never did anything to you?
Your pain is looking for an out. Sometimes your pain buries itself deep in your body and causes illnesses, aches and headaches, that don’t seem to have any physical reason to be there. It could be your body is bearing the brunt of your emotional pain.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Forgiveness lifts the burden of carrying the person who hurt you from your body and life. Forgiveness does not mean you forget, condone or excuse some-one else’s behaviour. Forgiveness does not mean you allow people to treat you poorly.
Forgiveness is the act of setting yourself free from the invisible cords that tie you to those who have harmed you. Imagine every-time you take offense at some-one’s words or actions, they send an invisible dart into your heart. Once the exchange is complete you nurse the hurt, and coddle it, you try to make sense of it. Each time you handle the hurt you are creating a stronger tie to the person who hurt you. Also ignoring it and letting it fester under the surface causes pain and grows the tie. How do you feel when-ever you see that person? Are you happy to see them or do you seethe a little, as looking at them reminds you of the way they treated you?
If forgiveness is not part of your daily life, you can have hundreds of invisible cords attached to your body. Have you ever thought to yourself that you feel like you’re being held back? That you’re weighed down? That you’re carrying a dead weight? Maybe you are, in the shape of some-one who has harmed you.
I discovered this system about a year ago, I was listening to a podcast, and the lady mentioned the format I use. While researching this further I discovered it is called the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono Meditation.
The way I use this system is to imagine the person I have had an altercation with is sitting opposite the table from me. I look at them in my minds eye, and I say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for …. and I list my part in the altercation, sometimes I’m sorry for how I think they feel, I’m sorry for their actions. ( I’m taking responsibility for my part in the altercation.) Let’s say he hit me, I say I’m sorry I let you hit me. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry…… I’m sorry. Coming from a place of remorse.
The next step I do is to say I forgive you, ( the system says please forgive me) I forgive you for hitting me, I forgive you for hurting me. I get as detailed as I can with how I feel they have wronged me and forgive them. I forgive you……
The next step is to say Thank You, thank you for teaching me how to stand up for myself, thank you for the good that has come from this. I look for the life lesson that this situation, event has taught me, and I thank it for my strength, my compassion. Whatever I learned from the altercation I Thank You.
The last step is to tell them I Love You. I choose to love you no matter how you treated me. I love you. I love you.
This system works. It’s like the Universe is listening, and going through the steps above releases all the invisible cords that are tying your heart down. You never actually have to speak to the person who hurt you, and you’ll find your attitude to them changes. You let go, the cords are broken and you are free.
I do this regularly with myself. I apologize to myself for not showing up for myself in the way I know I should. I forgive myself, I thank me for the lessons I am learning, and I tell myself I love me. Then I let it go.
Beating myself up is no longer an option. Being mean to myself is becoming less. I’m treating myself with more respect.
You can have this for your life too.
When you decide to take complete responsibility for everything in your life, you discover that you have the ability to change anything you don’t like in your life.
If you are in an unsafe space, seek the help you need to get free.
Put safe boundaries around yourself. Forgiveness is not a reason to allow anyone to physically or emotionally harm you.
Forgive:
Ask the Universe, God, Your Inner Self, Whoever you believe in, to show you the invisible cords keeping you tied to people and events that you want to let go of.
Step One: I’m Sorry
Step Two: Please Forgive Me. (I forgive you)
Step Three: Thank You
Step Four: I Love You
And enjoy the freedom of a light soul.
Till next time be your best self. Live your most authentic life, your way.
Linda Codlin
If you’d like to walk through this process with me, email me to organize a time for coaching.