Each person holds so much power
within themselves that needs to be let out.
Sometimes they just need a little nudge,
a little direction,
a little support,
a little coaching,
and THE GREATEST THINGS CAN HAPPEN.
Hello, My Friends
Part of the joys of having a coach is they give you fresh ideas and accountability. This week my coach gave me some information that sat me on my butt.
Part of being coachable is hearing the previous unhearable things about your life.
Part of growth is letting the unexpected and to be honest, the unwanted, to sit and permeate through your mind.
I know my first instinct was to shut the conversation down. This is normal, my clients do the same thing. The human brain doesn’t want to hear what isn’t familiar, and it certainly doesn’t want to change.
Part of a successful coaching session is preparing ourselves to hear some of the hard things that we may not have considered before, these could be the very stumbling blocks that are preventing a breakthrough in an area we’ve been struggling with.
There are three ways to deal with uncomfortable news.
- Ignore or deny. This is often our very first response. “That can’t be true.” “It’s not like that, not really.” Part of being in denial is to make excuses for or validate the behaviour or person that is being spoken about. If it our behaviour, we tend to go into attack mode. Even if we are not being attacked. The best form of defence is attack, so we flip the uncomfortable news or information onto the speaker.
- Become the victim. We fall into the mode of it wasn’t my fault, and then procede to blame everything and everyone else for the situation, as if we don’t have a choice, or that it was beyond anything we could have done. The victim mode is a cry to have the bearer of uncomfortable news feel sorry for the receiver and to rescue them.
- Listen, think and observe. This response gives us time to take in what is being said, it gives time to work through all the emotions that surface, and it gives time to decide on the next steps that have to happen. Listening is an active activity, it is being present in what is being said, instead of being off in our mind preplanning a response that detracts, diverts, or derails the speaker. Thinking is also active, noticing what your responses are, both in your body and your mind. What are your instinctive thoughts? What are your immediate feelings in your body? How do you want to deal with these thoughts and feelings? Observe, watch what you do next. The next thing you do will tell you a lot about your subconscious beliefs about yourself and what you have been told. Do you reach for the biscuit tin? Do you change the subject? Do you have an emotional response of anger or tears? Do you go into hyper-active mode? Observing how you respond to the news, to your thoughts and to your body, gives you so much more information about yourself and how you normally behave.
As we learn to handle ourselves, our emotions and become more honest with ourselves, we give ourselves space to be, without having to compensate with an unhealthy action, without having to judge or blame ourselves or others, we also learn to allow ourselves to think the thoughts that come up, burying thoughts is unwise as they will pop up elsewhere, and maybe in a less fortunate place or manner. We also allow ourselves to feel all the emotions that surface. This is by far the hardest part of any of the emotional work you will do, this is because you are allowing yourself to be authentic, raw, uncomfortable and honest. Acknowledging your emotions and realizing you have the ability to let them be without eating, without spending, without doing distraction, then you gain power over them.
You discover if you can feel an emotion you can change and emotion. Thoughts create emotions. By changing your thoughts for something that makes you feel a little better you are changing the way your brain responds to situations, do this often enough and you will reprogram your subconscious beliefs to work for you instead of against you. Which in turn manifest in your actions, then the whole cycle is changed permanently.
Ever wonder why you don’t have permanent change. That is why. Your beliefs are running the show, but most of the time we have no idea what those beliefs are. Your actions and your results reveal what you really believe, these can be changed by feeling different feelings, thinking different thoughts and behaving in ways that support your new thoughts, feelings, emotions and beliefs.
Living an authentic life is about getting in tune with the true you.
Which often entails hearing the things we don’t want to hear, or admit to ourselves. Coaching is good for opening eyes, for opening ears, and for opening hearts.
If you are ready to make a lasting difference to your life, call me for a coaching session and see what difference we can make together to your world.
As a certified Life Coach, I help you to help yourself, so you can create a well lived life your way.
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When you are ready to make a transformational difference in your life, contact me for a one on one coaching session.
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