Don’t let life’s situations take up too much of today.
When you feel better, you take better action, and then you get better results.
Hello, My friends.
Do you ever feel like life rises up and smacks you around the ears?
That life gives us the exam before we learn the lesson. This week saw a wide variety of things happening in our family, stretching my boundaries.
As with all growth there is pain, knowing how to deal with the pain is the secret to success.
Events will happen, things that are beyond our control pop into our lives.
What I have come to realize is that when these events occur, We have the choice of responding or reacting. Reacting is where we take the event personally and make it all about ourselves, it’s where we dissolve into tears, ranting and raving about how unfair it is, how we’re going to make someone pay. Reacting is when we behave poorly shooting words like a machine gun firing off rounds, not caring who gets in the way, or who gets injured in the cross fire. The harm and the hurt of our reaction can end up causing more pain than the actual event.
When we respond to the event, we take the time to weigh up the event, look at all the aspects and the possible outcomes.
We may not be able to control the things that happen in our lives. I believe that we always have the ability to control the way we think about the situation. We get to make choices on the story we want to tell about the event.
First, look at the event, find the facts, these are the non emotional facts. This happened and then that happened, then the next thing happened. Facts can be stated in a non emotional state.
Second, investigate your initial emotional reaction. What is the top feeling that flashes hot? Hold that feeling for a few seconds, being aware of them, do not act on them. Is it anger? shame? disgust? Be aware that generally our first response is ‘negative’ and strong. This is our brain in protection mode. It wants to protect us and will focus on what will harm us. The good thing is we have the ability to put distance between our initial feelings and our actions. Notice where this feeling sits in your body, does it sit in your shoulders, the pit of your belly, your lower back or does it show up as a head ache.
Third, this is where the work comes in, being aware of the feeling of your initial reaction, and noticing where you feel it in your body is the beginning. Behind every feeling you have is a thought driving it. The work is to find the thought creating your feeling. A feeling is always one word, and the thought will always be a sentence about the way you feel about the situation.
As an example the situation is, you were meeting a man on a first date, you see him in the mirror and notice he sees you, then leaves(The facts). You feel rejected, abandoned and unlovable (The feeling), you feel this in your chest as a tightening (Where in your body). The thoughts you could be thinking are, “typical, I will never find anyone to love me, they always walk away when they look at me, I am so unlovable, who would love me when I look like this. ” The emotion this triggers can be sorrow, pity, anger or depression. The action or reaction could be to drink yourself into a state where the pain is reduced or you eat until you’re stuffed so full you can’t move, or you spend your wages at the pokies, or on clothes anything to numb the pain of rejection, abandonment, and unlovable-ness.
The best news about this is that you get to decide what you want to think about the situation and create a feeling that works for you.
Fourth, decide if this feeling is working for you. Do you like the way you feel? Does this feeling move you towards your goal? Does it create peace or happiness? You have the privilege to decide what you want to feel. In the above example, you may want to feel confident, to create that feeling you would think something like, well, that’s his loss, I am a wonderful woman, I love who I am. Then you would carry on with your meal, enjoying the food and your company.
Fifth, choose the thoughts that enhance your feeling, make your thoughts positive, make your story about the event suit what you want to believe about it. You do not have to take events that happen in your life personally, this is a choice. Use the two most important words in the English language for you. Those two words are ‘I AM’ I AM has the power to retrain your brain and create emotions that lead you into your goals achievement. Examples are “I am confident” “I am strong” “I am good enough” “I am a person who follows through on my goals” “I am loveable” “I am choosing to think on purpose”
You get to choose what you think about any event that is happening in your life, or that has happened in the past. It is your thoughts that create your feelings, if you choose to think differently about the situations your feelings will change. Create a story that brings you peace and happiness.
Using this five step process, I worked my way through my emotions, quieting my feelings and creating better ones that were more appropriate to the situation. My self esteem remained intact and my life continued on an even keel.
If you want to know more on how to use this five step process to relieve the emotions that flare and take over, to having control and feeling happy with your emotions and the situations that arrive in our lives. Connect with me for a coaching session.
Until next week, be true to yourself, find your authentic self within the life you are living today.
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If you are wanting to gain control over the situations of your life, present and past, and the emotions that these events have you feeling.
I can help to bring permanent relief,
Email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org for a coaching session.