Our problem is that we make the mistake of comparing ourselves with other people. You are not inferior or superior to any human being….. Only ever compare your accomplishments to your capabilities. Never with any one else’s.
Zig Ziglar Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash
Hello, My Friends,
This past week has been so inspiring. I went to the Capital City for a five day course. I met the most diverse yet wonderful group of women. Women who come from wide and varied backgrounds, and all over New Zealand. These women have skills and abilities I have never thought about, they are real and embracing their lives and everything that entails.
Today I want to share a story.
Once upon time about 50 odd years ago, Mama and Papa were expecting a baby. On this particular Sunday the Mama went for a walk up the mountain, and on her return the baby decided today was a great day for a grand entry. The little girl arrived as babies do, and grew up in her little one horse town.
When she was five, the family moved to a three horse town. She progressed through the education system, not feeling overly academic, she picked up the idea that she was somehow inferior to others.
Carrying this chip on her shoulder she lived her life in a kind of dull despair, knowing life wasn’t what she wanted but never quite discovering what was missing.
Fast forward to her middle aged years, She’s been through her share of life disappointments and hurts. On her travels she discovered she wasn’t broken, and she wasn’t inferior, she was exactly who she was meant to be.
Sitting in a room of well dressed executive type woman triggered an emotion she hadn’t felt for some time. A twinge of inferiority surfaced, She had been thinking, “I’m not like these woman, I come from a little country town, I have nothing to give.” As she thought these words, her behaviour became more withdrawn and isolating. She didn’t participate as enthusiastically as she had previously.
She began looking to these women for approval. Realizing what was going on she took herself aside and counselled herself. Lovingly, she revealed the monster that had woken to stir up strife. Acknowledging that he was there, she asked the inferiority what it wanted her to learn.
Start treating yourself
As if you are the most important asset you’ll ever have.
After all , Aren’t you.
Anonymous
This week I want to have a look at VALIDATION
The Dictionary claims validation is the action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of something.
1/ The action of making or declaring something legally or officially acceptable.
2/ The recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.
We as human beings are wired for connection. When you believe you are less than someone else, you don’t tend to show up as your best self. You often go looking for approval from people who are in no position to give you approval, and if you don’t get their approval in a way you think you should, or a way that you believe you deserve, your self esteem drops further down the I love myself scale.
Seeking out approval from others changes the way you see yourself, it warps the way you think about yourself and this in turn alters the way you behave to yourself and to those around you. If you think you need the approval of others to know how to act and think it changes what you believe about yourself.
When you learn to trust yourself, one tiny little action at a time, you build belief and success that you do know what you want, that you are important, that your point of view does count.
As you begin to build that trust and self confidence in who you are, you discover you are not broken, and that your feelings and opinions are valuable. You find connection and support with others as an equal, from a place of inner power and strength.
You find you are worthwhile and your ideas are meaningful and contribute to the well-being of others around you.
Validation in a healthy environment offers understanding, and connection. It draws people together, it communicates that your relationship with others is important and solid even in the face of disagreements.
Validation gives acceptance and recognises the thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviours of another as real and understandable. Validation in a healthy environment creates a space for growth in all parties.
Approval is an inside job. It begins inside you. Approval accepts that you are where you are, that you have made mistakes and done stupid things. Self approval is the beginning of self forgiveness. It is the beginning of you knowing you are worthy, you are enough, and you are valuable. With no qualifiers, no because’s, no buts, no should’s and no-one else’s opinion.
You are enough. Full stop.
Before asking someone else for their opinion, check in with yourself. Ask yourself a few pointed questions like… What do I really think about this? Do I like my reason for thinking this? Is my point of view reasonable? Is my opinion different to my peers? If so how? If not why not? Challenge the normal things you say and think? Validate yourself, back yourself, trust that you actually do know what is best for you.
How could you you validate yourself, give yourself the recognition and affirmation that you are worthwhile and valuable?
What would self validation look like to you?
How will you know if you are being validated by yourself or by others? What does self validation feel like in your body? Where does it sit? What colour is it, if it were a colour?
Validation is realizing your true and authentic self, giving yourself the authority to be you. It gives you the operational right to be the driver in your own seat, taking responsibility for your life.
This week have a wee peek to see where you get your validation from. Does it come from with in you or from some one outside of you. Tap into your authentic self this week and let your positive self worth overflow into someone close to you.
REMEMBER: Thoughts practiced over and over become your belief systems.
THOUGHTS create FEELINGS, FEELINGS create ACTIONS, and ACTIONS create a WELL LIVED LIFE.
Until next time; Be your truest self. Everyone else is taken.
Linda Codlin