Distraction versus Freedom!

Be the reason someone smiles today.

Hello, My friends,

Week two for us in our little home. It has been an adjustment. We have had to re-arrange the way we do things to accommodate each other. Hubby is a very hands on type man, and now that he’s done as much as he can in the house he’s looking for other ways of keeping busy. I on the other hand am a book type person and I am quite content to read and journal, keep in touch with family and friends on social media. We have managed to find a happy compromise, and are settling into a new rhythm.

Just the other morning we were sitting on the deck, watching all the extra foot traffic, parents with their children, dogs and their owners, mum and dad strolling hand in hand. The cyclists out and about. Everyone was being safe and aware of who was around them. I watched the young girl over the road, lean over her fence to chat to the little child on the other side. Apparently, when we’ve been in lock-down, starved of other peoples company we seek a friendly voice and a new friendship begins.

What makes you happy?

Is it the things you have around you?

Is it your children, your significant other, your friends?

Is it the security of a well endowed bank account, a full pantry, fuel in the vehicle?

Are you happy with who you are?

During this lock-down time, you have more time to investigate what it is you enjoy in your life, or don’t enjoy in your life.

Do you eat to distract yourself from your thoughts? Do you eat because you’re bored? Do you eat to relieve tension between you and someone else in your bubble?

At this time it is difficult to use retail therapy as a distraction. What have you been using instead? Binge watching Television? Social media scrolling? Taking more regular trips to the supermarket for alcoholic beverages to numb the nagging pain inside?

What would happen if you sat for a couple of minutes and felt that nagging pain?

If the pain could talk what would it say to you?

Would it identify a hurt from your childhood? Or anger that you’re harbouring against your spouse, mother, father, brother, sister, for some wrong that was committed in the past? Would it identify an incidence that occurred, that was beyond your control but you got swept up in it, and you’re feeling sorrow and self pity for not being more?

This week was one of those weeks where I spent time thinking about “Who am I? Who do I really want to be? and What is stopping me from being her? I sat quietly contemplating the answer, when an incidence occurred that triggered an emotion I had buried some twenty odd years ago. Way back then, I found myself in a situation I had no control over, I was responsible in ways I’d never imagined I could have been. To cope, I took action and in the process I buried the emotions, deep, ensuring they would never emerge again. I didn’t want to feel the guilt and shame that came with the situation. I began eating and exercising to numb the pain.

I have learned there is fact and fiction in every story we tell ourselves about every event and situation we go through. In this event, the facts were, I had inadvertently set up a string of events that caused a lot of people a lot of pain.

It happened.

I can’t change it now. I am sorry for my part of creating this story.

The fiction is all the negative self talk that I have been telling myself, beating myself up with. Things like, “I told you, you were no good.” “You will never be good enough.” “You always hurt people.” and so on.

The consequence of these statements were self-loathing.

How could anyone love me?

How could I love myself?

These and many more negative thoughts and statements I had been making about myself were sabotaging me.

The new and better story I get to tell is, “I made a mistake, I set a series of events in motion by my action and inaction, I am unable to change that now. I choose to accept the situation as it is.” Now I can release the feelings of guilt and shame and begin the journey to inner peace and love.

My question to you is, What is holding you back? What if, by accepting the situation as it is without the emotional drama, could you forgive and heal those wounds? Could you see the facts- what happened, (as if in a court of law, without judgement or emotion)? Could you look objectively at your emotional response?

Could you identify the thoughts that were feeding that emotion? and Could you find a better thought to think about the facts?

Would you be willing to?

I can assure you that the feeling of freedom, is worth the discomfort of feeling the short term pain. Are you willing to feel the discomfort (Which is just energy moving about your body) to gain a healthier relationship with your self?


Thoughts create Feelings

Feelings create Actions

Actions create Habits

Habits create a Well Lived Life.

You are not broken,

You have everything you need right now to become the best version of yourself.

Take a few minutes this week to Discover what thoughts you are thinking, and choose to think about something on purpose.

Ask yourself,

Who am I?

Who do I really want to be?

What do I want my life to look like?

Daydream, imagine and pretend.

Be the reason someone smiles this week.

Til next time, Be your most authentic self.

Linda Codlin

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