5 Steps to Handle Life’s Situations

Don’t let life’s situations take up too much of today.

When you feel better, you take better action, and then you get better results.

Hello, My friends.

Do you ever feel like life rises up and smacks you around the ears?

That life gives us the exam before we learn the lesson. This week saw a wide variety of things happening in our family, stretching my boundaries.

As with all growth there is pain, knowing how to deal with the pain is the secret to success.

Events will happen, things that are beyond our control pop into our lives.

What I have come to realize is that when these events occur, We have the choice of responding or reacting. Reacting is where we take the event personally and make it all about ourselves, it’s where we dissolve into tears, ranting and raving about how unfair it is, how we’re going to make someone pay. Reacting is when we behave poorly shooting words like a machine gun firing off rounds, not caring who gets in the way, or who gets injured in the cross fire. The harm and the hurt of our reaction can end up causing more pain than the actual event.

When we respond to the event, we take the time to weigh up the event, look at all the aspects and the possible outcomes.

We may not be able to control the things that happen in our lives. I believe that we always have the ability to control the way we think about the situation. We get to make choices on the story we want to tell about the event.

First, look at the event, find the facts, these are the non emotional facts. This happened and then that happened, then the next thing happened. Facts can be stated in a non emotional state.

Second, investigate your initial emotional reaction. What is the top feeling that flashes hot? Hold that feeling for a few seconds, being aware of them, do not act on them. Is it anger? shame? disgust? Be aware that generally our first response is ‘negative’ and strong. This is our brain in protection mode. It wants to protect us and will focus on what will harm us. The good thing is we have the ability to put distance between our initial feelings and our actions. Notice where this feeling sits in your body, does it sit in your shoulders, the pit of your belly, your lower back or does it show up as a head ache.

Third, this is where the work comes in, being aware of the feeling of your initial reaction, and noticing where you feel it in your body is the beginning. Behind every feeling you have is a thought driving it. The work is to find the thought creating your feeling. A feeling is always one word, and the thought will always be a sentence about the way you feel about the situation.

As an example the situation is, you were meeting a man on a first date, you see him in the mirror and notice he sees you, then leaves(The facts). You feel rejected, abandoned and unlovable (The feeling), you feel this in your chest as a tightening (Where in your body). The thoughts you could be thinking are, “typical, I will never find anyone to love me, they always walk away when they look at me, I am so unlovable, who would love me when I look like this. ” The emotion this triggers can be sorrow, pity, anger or depression. The action or reaction could be to drink yourself into a state where the pain is reduced or you eat until you’re stuffed so full you can’t move, or you spend your wages at the pokies, or on clothes anything to numb the pain of rejection, abandonment, and unlovable-ness.

The best news about this is that you get to decide what you want to think about the situation and create a feeling that works for you.

Fourth, decide if this feeling is working for you. Do you like the way you feel? Does this feeling move you towards your goal? Does it create peace or happiness? You have the privilege to decide what you want to feel. In the above example, you may want to feel confident, to create that feeling you would think something like, well, that’s his loss, I am a wonderful woman, I love who I am. Then you would carry on with your meal, enjoying the food and your company.

Fifth, choose the thoughts that enhance your feeling, make your thoughts positive, make your story about the event suit what you want to believe about it. You do not have to take events that happen in your life personally, this is a choice. Use the two most important words in the English language for you. Those two words are ‘I AM’ I AM has the power to retrain your brain and create emotions that lead you into your goals achievement. Examples are “I am confident” “I am strong” “I am good enough” “I am a person who follows through on my goals” “I am loveable” “I am choosing to think on purpose”

You get to choose what you think about any event that is happening in your life, or that has happened in the past. It is your thoughts that create your feelings, if you choose to think differently about the situations your feelings will change. Create a story that brings you peace and happiness.

Using this five step process, I worked my way through my emotions, quieting my feelings and creating better ones that were more appropriate to the situation. My self esteem remained intact and my life continued on an even keel.

If you want to know more on how to use this five step process to relieve the emotions that flare and take over, to having control and feeling happy with your emotions and the situations that arrive in our lives. Connect with me for a coaching session.

Until next week, be true to yourself, find your authentic self within the life you are living today.

Linda Codlin

If you are wanting to gain control over the situations of your life, present and past, and the emotions that these events have you feeling.

I can help to bring permanent relief,

Email me at: authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com for a coaching session.

Freedom to live fearlessly.

“Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.”
― Margaret Atwood, The Penelopiad

“Water is the most perfect traveller because when it travels it becomes the path itself!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

Hello, My friends.

Do you ever put off doing what you know you should be doing?

That was my week this week, I chose to do the insignificant things that did need doing, even though they wouldn’t lead me to the one thing that I knew had to be done. I find that I am very good at justifying what I am doing right now, things like vacuuming, or updating and upgrading my wardrobe, sorting through the clothes I have that I no longer wear or like and replacing them with clothes I do like and will wear. As noble and necessary as this is, my motive was to avoid the thing that needs to be done. The thing that will push me out of my comfort zone. And into the arena of my dream. You would think I’d want to step into this arena, since what I’m saying I want is on the other side and I must go through the arena to get it.

Fear is a funny thing, and your brain has a field-day with it. The brain will use fear to keep you where you are. The brain perceives that here has got to be safer than over there, and since keeping you safe is one of the brains primary functions it thinks it’s doing you a favour.

What flavour is your fear? Does your fear show up as anxiety? Are you afraid of what may happen if such and such event happened, are you constantly mulling it over in your mind. Do you worry lot about events that are out of your control? Are you afraid of your ideas or yourself being rejected? Are you afraid that people won’t like you or accept you, which leaves you feeling like you’re not good enough.

Your brain is powerful, fear can be debilitating, it can keep you locked in a cage, misunderstood and feeling alone.

There is a way to move your brain from fear to success. It takes effort, it takes retraining and action.

Action consistently taken overcomes fear. The secret is to move into action in small almost imperceptible ways. As your brain is on high alert for danger, perceived or not, it will have a strong emotional response, which will be felt in your body. When you are feeling afraid where does the fear sit in your body, where do you feel it? In the pit of your stomach, by the tightening of your chest, in your shoulders, as a head ache. These feelings are sent to warn you and are valuable for keeping you safe, however if you are not in any immediate danger, these feelings will keep you static, unable to move.

Let’s say you have a fear of deep water, do you have a reaction to the water when it is at your ankles? No. Why not? Because the water won’t harm you, when your feet are firm. What about when the water is chest height? There could be a bit of fear, that if you slipped your head would go under the water, even though you know you can still stand upright and keep your feet on the bottom. If at this level you feel extreme discomfort, this is as far as you go this time. Next time you’d take a step into deeper water, until you became comfortable with that. Always moving a step forward until the game changes and you are no longer able to touch the bottom standing upright. Now you will need to learn new skills. What would be good skills to learn? To swim? You would learn to swim in the safety of shallower water, where you are comfortable, and able to put your feet down if needed. As you gain mastery of swimming and become more confident in your ability, your fear will subside as you prove to your brain that you can swim in deep water and still be safe.

Now, that’s the external action to overcoming the fear of water over your head. The internal action is where you retrain your brain. To do this you first acknowledge that you have the fear, and find where it sits in your body. You ask the fear what it is there for, what are you afraid will happen if you go into deep water. My guess would be, you’d be afraid of drowning. Is there an event in your past that happened that has given your brain evidence that this is a direct threat to you. If so, you get to go look at that event with new eyes.

All events in our lives are circumstances that happen. It is what we believe about these events that continue to travel with us through time. An event happens in a moment in time and is something every one can agree on. It is a fact. It is recordable. Anyone looking at the event can agree on the facts. Our belief around the event is the emotion we attach to it. Some of our emotions are not helpful in allowing us to move past the event. The emotion we hold of the event is our story and is created by the way we think about the circumstances around the event. You get to choose how you feel at any given moment in time, choose thoughts that empower you to get the most out of your life.

With the water fear, you would rewrite your story about the event, changing the fear response which is a reaction to your thoughts. You would investigate what thoughts create the fear, and begin to change them. Now, you won’t be able to go from “I’m afraid of deep water.” to “I love swimming and diving into bottomless pools.” because your brain will laugh at you, and remind you of all the ways you can’t do it. Your mind will roadblock you and create self sabotage to keep you where you are. If on the other hand you told yourself, “I am aware I’m afraid of deep water and I’m learning to swim.” Your brain goes true, and makes the shift to allow you to succeed in swimming. As you get more effective in swimming you upgrade your thoughts, “I am becoming a strong and confident swimmer.” to “I love swimming and diving.” and before you know it you’ll be at “I love swimming and diving into bottomless pools.” As your action increases along with your mental patterns, you will find you make permanent changes. And deep water will no longer cause you to resist in fear. Rewiring your brain with affirmations, creates a new belief system.

You will only ever do, be or have to the upper limit of your self image.

Fear is our friend, it tells us when to be alert for danger, it also tells us what is preventing us from achieving our dreams, by keeping us small and in our cage.

Will you join me this week and step out of the cage that fear has you trapped in, the door is unlatched, push it open and step out into freedom. Face your fear and do the scary thing anyway.

Confidence lives inside you, find it, put it on like a cloak, and walk in the strength that you can do scary things.

I am wearing my cloak of confidence, and striding toward my dream, marching into the arena of life.

Until next week, face your fear and be your most authentic self.

Linda Codlin

For help opening the cage door and stepping into freedom,

email me at


Together we can set you free from fear that keeps you paralyzed.

A made bed makes all the difference: Made yours yet?

Do you feel off balance in your own life?

Do you ever wonder if you could be or do more with your life?

What if this was it, would you be happy to live your life this way every day?

Beauty and peace begin with a made bed.

Hello, My friends,

Did you have an opportunity to discover your why this week? The reason why you do what you do is so important to you getting anything done, with grace and ease.

This week I took a bus trip to visit my daughters. It was great to catch up with them and the grand children.

I love making a difference, making a difference is one of my whys. While staying with my daughter, I feel I made a difference.

It’s the little things like adding a vase of fresh picked flowers on the table to add a touch of colour and cheer. It’s unpacking the box, that has been staring and mocking at you, nagging by it’s very presence. Reminding you that you still haven’t finished yet. It’s clearing off the paper pile that always accumulates on that flat surface by the door, and putting a pretty bowl there to capture your keys.

Making a difference. Creating order from disorder- leaving the office a little bit neater than it was before you came in. Picking up those pesky bits of paper that seem to miss the bin when you’re sure your aim was accurate.

Imagine creating the feeling of a high class hotel room in your home. As you walk in the door, placing your keys in the designated place, kicking off your shoes and having them land in front of the shoe stand, so its just an easy bend to put them away. You feel the stress of the day easing off your shoulders and relaxation sweeping over you. As you look around at the few valuable and memorable items you have on display, you feel the connection you have with the people who are important to you.

This is possible, creating peace and order are a few diligent steps away.

Allow me to share how I create peace and order in my home. Stand at the main entrance of your home and look at it with the eyes of a visitor, as if you are seeing it for the first time. Are you greeted with piles of shoes, The rubbish bin, finger marks on the window panes.

My back door opens into my laundry to the left and the kitchen to the right, and the hallway straight ahead. It is imperative for me that the benches are clear of anything that is not useful or decorative.

Moving through your home, note anything you dislike, things you have kept out of duty because great aunt Mary gave it to you for a wedding gift, If you don’t love it, rehome it. Gift to someone who will love it and use it. Do you have things on display that would be better stored out of sight. Clear off your counter tops, Clear off your book shelves of all the extra items and make them beautiful with one or two well placed ornaments.

In your bedroom, make your bed. Every-time you get out of it, pull it up and straighten the cover. It takes a minute and makes the room look so organised and tidy, open the drapes and let the light in, if you’re home open the window. Do you have clothes strewn on every flat surface and all over the floor? Every morning take five minutes to pick up a few items, decide whether you like it or not. Have a box for clothes to give away, and a bag for clothes for rubbish. Clear out one draw at a time, put only the clothes you love and will wear in the draw, then move on to the next drawer. Be ruthless, if it doesn’t fit right, make you feel like a million bucks, or enhance your self esteem, it probably needs to go. By the time you have finished, your room will look tidy and organized, be a pleasure to be in and take very little time and energy to maintain.

By making the little daily decisions to keep your home tidy, the difference you are making will show up in how you show up, how you dress, how you walk.

The way you live your life in private has an impact on how you live your life in public. Your subconscious mind knows all your secrets, and even if you are good at putting on a front and pretending you are together, deep down under the surface you feel like a fraud. To create harmony within yourself, you want to drop the act, but fear of being rejected or outed keeps you stuck.

One way you can live an authentic life is to become the person you know you want to be. To begin to marry your inner life with your external life, and to align your external life to your inner life, these are directly related. They are a closed loop, your emotional condition drives your physical state, which then reinforces your emotional condition and around you go again.

By working on your environment you can short circuit the cycle, and give yourself time to work on the real under cover gremlins that always seem to sabotage your best efforts.

Do you find that you can’t keep your resolutions for very long? That’s because you haven’t changed the underlying belief of who you are and what you are worth. This is the emotional undercover work that will set you free to be your authentic self .

It is my belief that change and freedom is within the reach of every one who is willing to do the undercover work, to heal the emotional wounds that hide in their deepest core, and apply the principles of mindset training consistently, to take the physical action that is required to recondition and upgrade their internal and external image and environment.

What is your why? Why would you want to create peace and harmony in your life, in your family, in your career? Why do you want that secret want, you know, the one you never talk about with anyone but you keep coming back to? Why do you want better health? Why do you want to lose weight? Why do you want to earn the mega bucks? Why do you want to travel to the places where the tourists never go? Why do you want to help those less fortunate than yourself? Why do you give your energy to people who never appreciate your efforts? Why do you want to get married and have children? WHAT IS YOUR WHY?

Be brutally honest with yourself, don’t hide behind the norms and excuses that our society create to keep us in our boxes. Now is your time to jump out of the box and to create, discover, and live.

As a life coach I can help you discover your why, I can help you get motivated and make a difference in your life. Together we can create your life of peace and order.

Your challenge this week is to ask yourself. ” What is my why?” Why am I doing this …..? What is my motive for doing and thinking ……?” Why do I really want….? Find your deep why, and you’ll reveal your core values.

Also begin to make a difference in your environment, make your bed everyday, clear off your benches, add flowers to your table, do those naggy jogs that are weighing on your mind. Break the cycle and begin to build your self esteem and confidence.

Until next time, live your life your way, be your authentic self.

Linda Codlin

If you would like to be coached, email me for an appointment at authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

or visit me on Facebook @lindacodlin25

Do our Values Trigger our Motivation?

Connection Quotes Inspirational. QuotesGram

Friendship is born at that moment

when one person says to another,

“What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

C S Lewis

Hello, My Friends.

This week has been an interesting one for me. I was called on to do my civic duty and put myself forward to be a juror if I was called on. Some could say I have had a sheltered life, I prefer to think I have had a law abiding life. Any way this was my first visit in a court room, I found it interesting, even if I didn’t get to be a juror this time. I met some interesting people from all walks of life, giving evidence to how very different we all are, and yet how very similar we all are.

It is reassuring to know we are not alone when we feel, de-motivated and anxious, tired or grumpy. These are emotions everyone has at some point in their lives, the secret to living a life of fulfillment and purpose, filled with love and achievement is not to stay in the blah place, or the overwhelmed space. The secret is to learn how to move yourself forward to a spot that feels a little better. That creates forward momentum from a place of self love and self respect.

The energy with which we achieve anything, is the energy that we will attract more of the same. So if we pursue our goals and dreams from the place of lack and scarcity, running away from the stick, we will attract more things to run away from, even if we manage to create some form of success, it will have the feeling of hollowness and dissatisfaction attached to it.

If we create our dreams and goals with the energy of love, forgiveness, peace, abundance and gratitude we will receive much of the same. Have you ever heard someone say of the wealthy, “They have more money than they can spend in a life time, and they are still unhappy.” “Money doesn’t make you happy.” Have you seen also someone who doesn’t have money, wishing they had it and not being happy with the life have they got.

On the flip side have you seen wealthy people who have money, who are very happy, generous and kind. And people who don’t have a lot of money who are just as happy, generous and kind. I could almost guarantee that it has something to do with their attitude, their self belief and abundance mindset.

I’ve been thinking about motivation, and why some people are able to cajole themselves into doing the things that need doing, even when they don’t want to. What is the reward they get from doing it? Where does that inner motivation come from and how do we find it for ourselves if it isn’t readily on hand?

Like I mentioned last week it has to do with our desires and needs. Our core values are what drive us. We can use our values as a whip or a reward. The whip has the negative connotation of pain, and negative consequences dealt out by someone else, or the internal judge and jury we have living in our minds. The reward on the other hand has the inbuilt vibe of pleasure, and positive consequences, either from someone outside of us or within our own minds.

Every thing we do, we do for a feeling. We always move towards the feeling. Even when it may not be the healthiest place for us to be. For example you may want the feeling of connection, which is one of our basic needs. Depending on how you were raised and the ‘programmes’ you collected from your childhood, these will determine how you go about seeking this connection. If you came from an environment where beatings were your normal, you will feel that it’s okay to let someone hit you, or for you to hit others as a way of showing affection. You may even seek this relationship, without being aware of it, as it’s your comfortable place. If you’ve ever asked yourself, ‘Why do I let him or her treat me like this?” The answer will be in your subconscious values, and the way you see yourself. I’m here to tell you, there is a way out, to get the connection you desire without the harmful emotional effects.

If you came from a family where the normal was to speak with respect to each other and your views were valued and listened to, most likely you would expect nothing less, and should you find yourself in a place where you are not valued and respected, you would find it easier to speak up and take action to get the connection you are seeking in safer and healthier ways. Because your expectations and values are higher you would attract and receive the connection you desire. The reason for this is also in your subconscious values, and the way you see yourself.

What if these subconscious values were the trigger for our motivation? If you knew you could change them, would you? Would you want to find an easier way to get motivated and stay motivated for longer? And should your motivation waver, wouldn’t you want to have the handy tool to crank it up and get your wheels moving again more easily than you do now?

If your motivation were running high, imagine what you could do in, and for your life. You could create more with less effort.

It takes courage to identify the values that are preventing you from getting the life you want, the love and connection that you want. If you have that courage, and want to live a life of ease, if you are prepared to put in some work now, to have the easy flow that motivation brings email me, for a coaching session, together we can create the values you want to live your life by.

Motivation is an inside job. It lives inside each one of us, and needs to be drawn out and nurtured, and when it blossoms everything changes.

My challenge for you this week is to look at your motives for what you do. Are they coming from fear, lack and scarcity, or are they coming from abundance, generosity and love.

Until next Week, investigate who you really are and who you really want to be. Live you most authentic life.

Linda Codlin

Certified Life Coach

Email me for a coaching session, at athenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

or find me on Facebook @lindacodlin25

Motivation is an Inside Job.

“In my experience, there is only one motivation, and that is desire. No reasons or principle contain it or stand against it.” —Jane Smiley

Hello, My Friends,

This week a friend and I went for a guided tour through the Whanganui Collegiate School Museum and Archives. What a treat! The school was established in 1854, the museum has a record of all students who have ever past through it’s doors, some very talented men who have changed the way we do things in the world. The building architecture, brick and timber are stunning, the story of the earthquake strengthening and extensions and how they look amazingly like it was always there. We went through big school and the chapel. The atmosphere held the stories of hundreds of boys and the antics they got up to. It was a privilege to hear a little of our history. “Respect for our past is a key to the future”

This week I’ve been doing some reality checks. You know, you say you want to do something, and than you don’t do anything about it. Earlier this year at around my birthday, I decided that this was the year to remove the excess weight I’ve accumulated over the last 5 years. Here I am seven months on and I haven’t made any movement physically. Emotionally, however I have come a long way. I now hardly ever eat to hide from my emotions, I have learned to sit with them and let them be. Usually they pass within ten minutes or so, if not it’s usually something deeper and needs more coaching to ferret out the underlining issue.

Anyway, I’ve been mulling over why I’m not losing the weight, it’s not like I don’t know how. The true reason is I’m not committed to my goal.

Motivation is the reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. You are motivated to do, be or have anything from a ‘need’ that requires satisfying. In my case the need is not great enough to motivate me to eat better or to exercise in healthful ways.

What motivates you to do what you do?

Why do you go to work every day? To pay the bills, put food on the table, to have a roof over your head, to be able to do the things you love like fishing, skiing, dancing, hiking, etc.

What motivates you to achieve your goals? I’m presuming you set goals, as I said earlier it is usually an unmet need that is pushing you.

As humans we have the need to breathe, we need food, we need water, we need sleep, our body’s need to excrete waste and live in balance. These are the very basics of life.

We also need safety, we need to feel that we are safe, that we have security for ourselves and for our families. We have the need to be employed, to have a purpose. The need for safety spills across into our health, our resources, our property and our morality. Everyone needs to feel safe.

We also need to feel like we belong, that we are part of a group, a clan, society. We build friendships, we connect and identify with our families, we have a need for sexual intimacy. The need for connection has become very apparent with the requirement of social distancing.

That’s the funny thing about needs, once they are met they go away and you aren’t aware that you have the need, but unmet they push and drive and nag until they get noticed.

So, with that basic analysis of our needs, I’ll redirect us back to the question.

What is your motivation for what you do?

What is your why?

When you discover your true why, you will discover the motivation to do whatever it is you want. Your why is the force that guides you to fill the need that is nagging at you.

Using my weight loss goal, my why is not compelling enough to get me to change. In order to change this I am required to dig deep into the benefits that I think being slender will bring me. Things like- stylish clothes, freer movement, love and acceptance, better health, prettier appearance. Also on the flip side are the things I’ll gain that I don’t necessarily want, Like being noticed, what if I become sexy and have to deal with unwanted attention.

It’s about now that the brain starts to fire all the reasons why achieving the goal won’t work.

My work is to look at reason with honesty and decide if it is valid and if I want that to be the reason to stop me moving forward.

What about you? What is your goal? What is the one thing you really want to achieve?

What is the need that is pushing you, to achieve it?

How can you fill this need in a healthy way?

Motivation and filling your basic needs go hand in hand. Find the basic need that is wanting to be met and you will find the motivation to fill it.

Motivation is a huge topic and I have just skimmed the surface, I want to give you a quick overview of how motivation and our physical and emotional needs are intertwined, how your emotional needs drive your behaviour, and if you are unaware of this, your results will be less than you want.

Together we can walk on this journey of discovering our needs and filling them in healthy ways to create the dream lives we have always wanted.

See if you can find one ‘need’ that is creating pain in your life, if you want help to uncover your hidden stoppers, email me for a coaching session, you can live the life of your dreams, be the person you know is lurking in the recesses of your mind.

Until next time, choose to live your life authentically your way.

Linda Codlin

Question your questions?

Asking the right questions takes as much skill as giving the right answers.

Robert Half

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.

Naguib Mahfouz

Hello, My friends.

This week has flown by for me. I have begun the tedious process of stripping wallpaper from the office walls. The wallpaper has been painted over, making the job more difficult. I’m finding the best way is to score the paper, then use the steamer to soften the outer layer for removal, and then steaming the underneath paper layer. It’s a process, and with all processes it takes time and focus. The vision I have of the completed room is what keeps me motivated when I’m hot, tired and feeling like quitting.

Questions? I remember when I had preschool children, they were learning about the world around them. They were curious, they questioned everything and everyone. Why? Why is the sky blue? Why do we sleep at night? Why do things fall to the ground when they are dropped, Why does smoke spiral up? How does the vacuum work? Why does it hold the carpet so tight? All good questions for an inquiring mind. What happens to that curiosity as we grow up? Why do we stop asking questions? Do we stop asking questions?

I think we still ask questions, but not out loud, we have turned these questions in on ourselves. For me I quickly discovered as a young girl that asking questions got you frowned on, people got angry with you and you ended up being pushed away. As a recovering people pleaser I can see how this belief has tainted the way I ask questions and interact with people.

If you have read any of my previous blogs you will be aware that I believe that what we think influences how we feel, which is the number one motivator of what we do.

Today I want to ask you a few really important questions.

What are you thinking? Right now, What are you thinking? Capture that illusive thought, pin it down. Look at it. How is it worded? If you’re like most people, capturing your thoughts is like capturing water in a sieve, they flow right past your mind without any interference.

Until you hit a pain point. A pain point is an area in your life where you are unhappy with the result you have. It might be your weight, it might be your health, it might also be in your love relationship or the lack of one. Your pain point might be your children, or your job, or the house you currently live in or any of a hundred other irritations you want to change and improve.

When you come up against your pain point, your mind becomes active looking at where you are. Lets say your pain point is being over weight. You’ve eaten dinner and feel full. Hubby makes a cup of tea and brings out the chocolate bikkies. What does your mind do? “You don’t need that, you’ve just eaten dinner.” Listen to what you say back to yourself. “oh! a couple won’t hurt me.” Then, what does your body do, if you’re like most people you’ll reach for a bikkie or two or three? Now is the time to watch and listen to the questions that cascade through your mind. “Why do I always do that?” “Why don’t I have any self control?” “Why can’t I stop at one bikkie?” “Why does he sabotage me, he knows I shouldn’t be eating those bikkies?” and on it goes. You beat yourself up. That’s not very helpful.

How are you feeling about yourself with these questions flowing through your brain? Your brain is like a super computer. With every question you ask, it goes on the hunt to find an answer, it is looking for evidence to prove what you are saying is true. As an example, lets have a look at the thought, “Why don’t I have any self control?” Your mind is now off whirling a million miles an hour to find the reasons why you don’t have any self control, it reminds you of all the times you have let yourself down, of all the times you have felt unworthy and rejected, of the times when you have felt not good enough. Your brain is looking for the evidence to join the pity party you have created with the feeling in which you asked the question.

What if you challenged these thoughts, and reminded yourself of all the times you did show up for yourself, the times that you did follow the diet, you did the stretches, that you are loved and worthy. The feeling would change and you would feel invigorated, renewed to continue with your healthy eating plan.

Asking questions of yourself about what you are thinking helps to clarify your thoughts. Questions give information about what is going on in your brain. A good quality question is like playing a game of squash, solo. As you ask yourself a question you hit the ball against the wall, as the ball returns to your racket it comes back with a reply, you send out another good question and the ball comes back with another great answer, you continue hitting and receiving the ball until you have exhausted all possible questions or until you have found a solution.

A poorly asked question is like hitting the wall with an uneven ball, the ball will go off on unwanted tangents, or land on the floor in an unhelpful heap. A poor question is a question that doesn’t lead your brain anywhere, it creates a negative and downgrading response. It leaves you feeling belittled and despondent. An example of a poor question is “Why do I always overeat?” Unless it is asked in the safe environment of curiosity, and self love it will come back with negative and harmful responses. Which make you feel bad, and when you feel bad what do you do? You over eat and the cycle repeats itself over and over, and you inadvertently build more evidence to beat yourself up with.

How you think, has a direct impact on how you behave. When you use quality questions to give your brain direction, it will happily go to work to find solutions. Your brain is like a muscle and needs to be exercised to grow strong. Quality questions exercise your brain. A powerful question looks like, How can I lose weight and have fun doing it? What do I want to see happen in my body? Where can I go for help to solve my issue? What can I do to increase my success in losing weight? What can I do today to create the slender body I want? If I could have, be or do anything, what would I want and why?

There are 5 key questions that if you ask them of yourself multiple times a day and write down your responses, your life will improve.

  1. What am I thinking?
  2. Why am I choosing to think this?
  3. How does this thought feel? Where do I feel it in my body?
  4. What am I feeling now? (It will always be a one word emotion) eg glad, sad, mad, happy.
  5. What thought is causing the way I’m feeling now? (Never an external event, always a thought)

If you want more information on how to create the life you’ve always dreamed of by asking powerful questions email me at authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com and we can discuss coaching options.

Question your questions is just the tip of the iceberg, that can change your life for ever.

This week I challenge you to investigate your thoughts, question your thoughts with the 5 key questions. Change is a thought away, your pain point is within healing range.

Until next week, create the life you want to live. Be your authentic self.

Linda Codlin

Certified Life Coach Extraordinaire

What’s in a week? 10,080 hours!

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction, ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step.

Hello, My Friends,

Some weeks fly by and others drag. It’s weird because they both have the same 168 hours, or 10,080 minutes.

What makes the difference?

Could it be the activities we are doing? Could it be how engaged we are in the activities we are doing? Could it be the way we are thinking about the activities? Does it make a difference if you have something planned, versus not having anything in particular organised?

This week I had minor surgery, nothing serious. Just enough to throw the proverbial spanner in the works. I was required to have a few days rest, and take medication regularly. One of my little foibles has been being disciplined in taking meds. I have to say I strongly dislike taking tablets. For my health to return it was required I take nine tablets at various times of the day, some with food and some without.

To create the necessary discipline required, I drew up a table showing the times and which meds I needed to take, when and put it on the fridge in a prominent place where I would see it, and my accountability buddy would also see it.

When you are trying to learn a new behaviour, how do you go about changing the old way of doing things? To change anything in your life, you have to decide it is worth the effort. Actually the very first thing is to know you need to change something. The quote goes, ” You don’t know, what you don’t, know until you do know.” and everything that is created is created twice, once in our mind and twice in our reality. So everything you have and do is a result of something you have thought in the past.

This is such good news, if you created your current results, it implies that you can also create new results.

I decided it was in my best interest to firstly investigate what wasn’t working, In this case my hearing, for months I knew something wasn’t quite right. Once the ball got rolling it took a few more months and a few tests to decipher the problem.

When you are looking to make changes in your life, you need to work out what isn’t working. What is not going the way you want? What is making you feel frustrated, depressed, angry?

Then you get to decide what you want to do about it. Will you complain to your work colleagues, spouse, kids or anyone who will listen? or Will you seek out advice and help from people who can give you helpful information? Once you have this information, you get to choose whether to act on it or not.

Often we don’t act because we are scared of the change that will be created. When the pain of change is less than the pain of staying the same, we change. Will the benefits you receive from changing your point of pain outweigh the cost of staying where you are? There are a few ways to decide this, the one I use most often is the two column, Pros and Cons lists. I write all the things for the change in the Pros list and all the things against the change in the Cons list, then I weigh them up, and make a decision. Once the decision is made the trick is to back yourself and go all in. Give yourself a fighting chance to make it succeed.

Sitting in the specialists office I was faced with a Pros and Cons list, surgery or no surgery. I decided on the surgery option as it gave the greatest benefit to me. Once the decision was made and the time booked and set up. Guess what? All my fears were triggered. What if??? What if I didn’t make it through the anesthetic, What if it didn’t work and I’d be worse off than I am now? What if my family didn’t know how much i loved them? What if my will wasn’t up to date? So many negative emotions and fears. I began the work of sorting out the rational fears from the irrational ones. Now, I know my brain was going into overdrive, it was trying to save me and keep me safe. I began letting my family know how I felt about them, I checked out my will to ensure it was up to date. I created a plan for each of the fears and as the day got closer there was only one left, What if I don’t pull through? Taking my inner self by the hand I soothed myself by choosing to think and trust the surgeon, as the time came I was nervous but in control.

I am telling you this to let you know that when you make a decision to change something in your life, your brain will throw up all kinds of thoughts of why it is unsafe, and impossible, for you to do it. You may be faced with I don’t have the time, I don’t have the money, I can’t do THAT!, maybe your mind will run with what will your friends, and family think, everyone will laugh at you.

The best way I know to get past these objections is to face them, acknowledge that they are there and move forward anyway. Take the step into the new life you want. Create a plan to help your mind and body know what is being expected from it. Be gentle and kind with yourself, should you make mistakes, which are actually stepping stones to success.

My going forward plan was the chart for medication and planning for rest. (Not so easy when you want to do all the things previously planned on the calendar.)

What a difference a week can make? 10,080 hours to create a beautiful and fulfilling dream life.

What will you create this week with your 10,080 hours? Imagine one action you could take everyday this week that would have a noticeable effect on your surroundings. You already know what it is, will you have the courage to take that action and make the impact, let those scary feelings, be scary. A bit like the boogey monster under the bed. His mission was to keep us in our beds, now as adults we know he is not real. Most of the scary feelings we have are self created by our brain in our younger days to keep us safe, and now as adults we can challenge them to see where the validity lies, and change the story that surrounds them.

If you want guidance on facing your fears and creating the future you’ve always wanted but were to scared to go after, email me on authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com to organise a coaching session, together we can bring to life the dreams, that have lain dormant.

Have a great week, Challenge the boogy monster in your closet, and live your most authentic life.

Linda Codlin.

Email: authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

Celebrating You!

A Good Life is a Collection of Happy Moments

Dennis Waitley

Life Should Not Only Be Lived

It Should Be Celebrated.

Hello, My Friends.

The sun is shining, the birds are singing loudly in the grapefruit tree outside my window.

This week has been a week of ups and downs, emotions are crazy things, they make you believe the world is going to end when you hear some news you’d rather not hear. Except I know it’s not my emotions, it’s the thoughts I’m thinking about the news, that is creating those wacky feelings. As I coach myself and my crazy thoughts, I find life has more balance and is on a more even keel. I know how to feel the sad, the hurt, and the fear without it swallowing me. Also a good friend to chat with is important. I am someone who figures things out by either chatting or writing. How do you figure out the things that you’re working through?

Okay, This week I thought I’d talk about celebrating. Yes, Celebrating is really important.

When was the last time you celebrated getting out of bed? We do it effortlessly, well, some of us not so easily, some of us hit the snooze button a few times, roll over and try to catch a few more zzz’s. Some of us dread the day ahead, knowing we have another day of same ole same ole, one foot in front of the other. Drudgery has set in, boredom, discontent and a day that doesn’t promise to be satisfying. Is this how you feel in the morning when you wake up?

What if you decided tomorrow morning you would lie in bed after hitting your snooze button and wriggle your toes, stretch your arms and yawn a huge loud yawn. Then thank your body that it can move, that you can feel your toes, that you have a voice and lungs to capture your yawn. Stand up and say ‘good morning’ as enthusiastically as you can.

We have so many things to celebrate, yet we don’t even see them. We see the dark, the gloomy, the ‘negative’ things that surround us. We also could see the light, the sunny, the beauty, and the ‘positive’ things that surround us. What we look for is what we tend to find.

Celebrate the smile of a child, enjoy their enthusiasm, even if it is in the form of raucous laughter, and boundless energy, or loud complaining and crying, children tend to do everything at full speed ahead, both the enjoyable and the tantrums. Celebrate them, find the joy in it, this time will pass and it’ll become a memory of “remember when”.

Celebrate, get together with friends and talk about the good things in your life, the things that have gone right.

I have found that most people tend to be really hard on themselves, beating themselves up for something they said or didn’t say and should have. Maybe you’re on a diet and have decided that, this is the week you won’t have cake. When one of your work colleagues has a birthday and celebrates with a cake for everyone. The dialogue in your head goes something like, ‘One piece won’t hurt’ ‘You said today you weren’t eating cake’ ‘It looks so good’ “She’ll be offended if I don’t have a piece.” ‘Go on you know you want a slice.’

You have two choices, to have a slice of cake- and make it a small one, or to walk away. In either situation, your mind is going to run through everything you did wrong. That’s how our minds are wired, they look for the danger, the harmful, what is not as it ought to be. We can teach our minds a better way. By learning to look at what is right, you can celebrate that you had a small piece of cake, and then make adjustments with your food later in the day. ( You never get thinner by being mean to yourself, be kind), and if you walked away, you can feel proud that you honored your agreement with yourself and give yourself a pat in the back. It is this small celebratory step that will empower you to make the next good choice, and before long you are on your way to being your slender self. From a place of self love, and self respect.

Celebrations are for all the little wins you have every day, the ones that go unnoticed by anyone else, but you know you chose to respond rather than react. You put the extra effort into the power point presentation, and you crushed it. You chose to drink water, for your health. You decided to go for a walk at lunch time instead of listening to everyone complaining about their spouses. You smiled at the receptionist who is snowed down with with demands of customers and is feeling stressed.

Celebrations are for the big things too. Like purchasing a home, having a baby, getting engaged and getting married. We tend to create events for the “big” milestones in our lives, and forget to celebrate the everyday things.

Personally, celebrating was not something I did for myself, I would celebrate the big events, of birthdays, weddings, and purchasing a new home. However I would forget to celebrate and enjoy the warmth of the sun on my back. My focus was on getting through life, keeping the house clean, raising kids, keeping them fed and clothed, earning a living to pay the bills, always looking at the next job on my to do list, which never seemed to end. I had my head down and was working to create a better life, but never enjoying the one I was living.

Life has a way of kicking you in the butt, derailing you from the mundane, making space for you to see what you have already got and teaching you to be grateful you have it. I believe we are here to enjoy our time on earth, we have the choice to lift our heads and see the flowers, see the love and joy around us. We have the ability to make space in our busy daily grind, to raise our heads and celebrate the beauty, the funny, the orderly.

Celebrate, get to know yourself. Get to know what makes you laugh genuinely, Get to know what you love? What always gives you that lift in your spirit? What gives that feeling of peace inside? Celebrate these things and surround yourself with them.

Celebrate the skills you have, the wins you have. Give yourself a pat on the back, and tomorrow when you get out of bed, celebrate a new day, celebrate new choices, celebrate being you.

Until next time, celebrate your life every day. It’s the only you have. Be your authentic self, and shine.

Linda Codlin.

PS If you want to know more about how you can celebrate being yourself, now so you can have the tomorrow of your dreams.

Email me for coaching at.


How to create your ‘Pleasure Portfolio’ intentionally.

Sing like no one is listening,

Love like you never been hurt,

Dance like no one is watching,

Live like it is heaven on earth.’

Mark Twain

Photo by Talles Alves http://www.unsplash.com

Hello, My friends.

This week has been an interesting one, our mama guinea pig has produced four beautiful little snappy babies, they run super fast and are tricky to catch. We went ‘fishing’ on the weekend, no fish in the river again, although I did enjoy lying on the grassy river bank, in the sun, reading my book. Summer is coming, you can feel it in the air. Then the sun goes behind a cloud and you are reminded that it’s still spring. The trees are in bud and the hill behind us is beginning to change colour.

This week I’ve been thinking about all the things I enjoy doing.

You know, the things you do for pleasure. Not because dinner needs cooking, but because you like creating healthy meals that look and taste spectacular. Not sewing clothes because the children need something to wear, but because you love to create clothes that express your creativity and style. (In my distant past I would purchase the biggest dresses from the second hand store and make them into dungarees and dresses for my children, the jury is out whether this was done from necessity, scarcity or creativity.)

Anyway this week I’ve been thinking about living my life intentionally, and the things I do for fun.

What do I do for fun? What is fun to me? What do I find pleasing and pleasurable?

I’m an exclusive being, one of kind, (just like you, there is no-one else on this earth like you, You are an original) I like cleanliness and tidiness. Fun equals “wait for it” spring cleaning. Do I hear groans? Weird I know, I find the act of spring cleaning therapeutic, removing everything from a room and cleaning, beginning at the ceiling and wiping walls, sparkling the windows, sorting out everything in the room. Being intentional with what goes back in the room and with what I want to keep. I love to stand at the door and survey the cleanliness and tidiness, soaking up the pleasure of a job well done. ( I have to give a shout out to my mum, she taught me at a young age how to clean, with much resistance I might point out. It’s a skill I am grateful for now.) (To all you mum’s out there, sometimes, kids do actually learn what you’re trying to teach them.)

I decided to create a “pleasure portfolio” a while back. This is based on the concept of an art portfolio, where you put all your best works of art, but it’s everything you find pleasure in.

What kind of music do you like? Really like, who do you listen to when there is no-one around just you the stereo and a loud volume? Music that you identify with, not necessarily the music you grew up with, or learned to like because your parents, partner, social group like it. What music makes your toes want to tap? and makes you want to sing out loud no matter how poorly you view your singing? That’s the type of music that is pure pleasure, and that’s what goes into the portfolio.

What kind of food do you like? Have you ever taken the time to try and identify all the different herbs and spices in a meal? Try it, it’s not as easy as it sounds, it takes time to get to know the flavours and how they mingle together. What is your favourite food? Why is it your favourite food? Is it a take out meal, or a drive through meal? What do you like about it? Could you create a similar meal at home, taking your time to discover all the elements of creating a food dish, identifying the satisfaction in the creation and then in the eating of it? If you had to have one signature dish, that identified you. What would it be and why?

What kind of clothes do you like to wear? What kind of clothes do you wear? Are they the same or is there a wee bit of a gap in your wardrobe? If you could choose two summer outfits and two winter outfits what would they be? Have you ever looked at the style of others and thought that they look put together really well? What did you like or dislike about their style? The clothes we wear says a lot about us and who we think we are, how worthy we think we are of receiving love, attention, and recognition. Our clothes also speak to our inner confidence, self esteem and self belief. Clothes can also be used to hide who we are and to compensate for not feeling confident or good enough.

What do your clothes say about you? What do you want your clothes to say about you? What is your style? This also goes into your pleasure portfolio.

Hobbies, Sports and Recreation. This is a huge arena. What do you do for the sheer enjoyment of doing it? Not for the money, or the recognition, or because of social pressure. What do you do because it makes you feel fabulous, on top of the world? What do you that stretches you?

Are you into team sports? Or individual sports? Are you part of a club? What do you do that recharges your battery? What gives you energy and inspires you to do better? Think about all the activities you do, what are you doing for the sheer pleasure of it? Running, Cycling, being part of the walkers club.

This week we went to a wooden carving expo, so much talent and hard work- beautiful works of art. Is this you? What about yoga? Taekwando? Boxing? Kickboxing? Dancing? Rock and Roll dancing? There is so much to choose from. The important thing is that you enjoy yourself.

Are you a social person? Do you love meeting your friends for a drink and a catch up? Do you enjoy meeting new and interesting people?

Have a go at something new, see if you like it, you may never know if you don’t try it.

The pleasure portfolio is to capture the things you enjoy, the things that make you smile.

The look of surprise on a child’s face when you catch them being good and reward them with a hug.

A hot bath full of bubbles, the sun on your face, the purr of a cat, or the nudge of your dogs head in your hand, a wonderful creamy hot chocolate, the perfect coffee made just how you like it, the flowers in the vase, or in the garden.

It’s the crossword puzzle, the home repairs/renovations, the handcrafts, the art work, sitting reading a book or the latest story on your kindle. It’s the hug of a loved one, the text from a family member, the photographs of your last holiday. It is whatever makes you happy.

How much thought have you put into what makes you happy? Decide and then create that on purpose, for yourself.

Note it in your pleasure portfolio for the days when live feels tough, then make time to do something that refreshes you.

My challenge for you this week is to make the intentional decision to do something for the pleasure of doing it, look for something new, something different, something you once did and don’t do now, look for the delight in your every day and you might just find it.

Happy pleasure portfolio-ing. Until next time, let your authentic self free and experiment.

Linda Codlin

p.s. If you want more information how to gain more true pleasure in your life, email me on authenticlivngwithlinda@gmail.com for a coaching session.

Victims Taking Control.

The earth laughs in flowers….

Quote: Ralph Waldo Emerson Photo: Eilis Garvey unsplash.com

Hello, my friends.

The daffodils are out, they are such sunny flowers, their happy faces sharing joy. I love this time of year. Walking around the block, in the sun, when suddenly my nostrils are accosted with the sweet scent of flowers. I always have to find where the scent is coming from. In the ‘Sound Of Music‘ Julie Andrews sings about “a few of her favourite things.” One of my favourite things is smelling flowers before seeing them.

This week I’ve been thinking about being a victim. Lately we’ve had a few things on the news about people being victims, and sharing their stories of how a crime has impacted their lives. I do not want to minimize the impact that a crime or harm has done to any person. I do, however want to create awareness around the harm of staying stuck as a victim.

The definition of a victim according to the dictionary is a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action. A person who is tricked or duped. A person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment.

The victim mentality is very sneaky, it’s agenda is to keep us stuck.

A victim feels like the entire world is conspiring against them? It doesn’t matter what they do, they can never get ahead? They feel like they have no control over anything that happens to them, or around them.

A victim tends to believe that others deliberately do things to harm them or inconvenience them. Like parking in their parking spot, or that the traffic lights deliberately changed to red because they pulled up to the intersection, or that the door swung shut on them because they were about to go through it. That the cat deliberately sheds his hair on the couch, to make more work for them to clean up.

A victim enjoys sharing their tragic story with others, they enjoy the attention their story gives them. They continually live in the past, reliving the harmful scenario over and over. They believe they are powerless to change the situation or the outcome.

A victim continually puts them-selves down, believing they don’t deserve a good life, or that they are unworthy of love. A victim will speak harshly to and about themselves. They use words like, “I am just no good, no-one could love me, I’m too fat, I’m too unlovable. I always get hurt.”

A victim will blame others for everything that happens in their lives. A victim is never responsible for anything that crops up in their lives. Life is something that creates results that they can’t do anything about. They blame their spouse, partner for their unhappiness. They complain endlessly, nothing is as they want it to be. They blame the weather, the dog, the neighbour, the other driver, their parents, their brother or sister, any situation is caused by some-one or something outside of themselves. A victim will also blame themselves as well, but never take action to create change. They attack and accuse those around them verbally, in an attempt to diffuse the feeling of being out of control, powerless and hopeless.

The victim mentality is subtle.

To begin to break free from the hold of playing the victim, we have to notice it. The first step is to become aware of the language we use. Ask yourself is my language predominately negative, blaming, complaining and accusing? Do I often feel angry, hurt, helpless, hopeless, powerless, judgmental and not good enough?

If a bottle of milk slipped out of your hands and smashed on the floor, would you blame the bottle for being slippery, or would you blame your child for not putting it away after them? Do you begin the silent rant of “You are such a cluts, you can’t even hold onto a bottle of milk.” “I always drop everything” ‘ Now you have a mess to clean up, typical!”

Awareness of the stream of words you are using to describe the situation will give you a clue if victimness is sheltering in your life.

When we live in the victim mentality, we are hurt and offended easily. Everything becomes about us, everyone is out to get us. We can’t trust anyone. We think we are protecting ourselves from more harm. However the reality is that every-time we react to someone or some event from a helpless and defensive position, we give our power and control away to those people we perceive are hurting us and offending us.

How would life look if you let go of being the victim and took responsibility for one area of your life? Finances, Love and Romance, Work and Career, Sports, Health and Well-being.

Let’s say you want to lose weight. In the victim mode of operating it is not your fault you have gained weight. It’s your family’s fault, It’s the take away’s, It’s the sugar drinks, It’s the health system, it’s the food prices, it’s whatever is handy to deflect attention from your behaviour. You blame the diet that you’re currently on. You blame the weather, Your metabolism, any thing and everything. Your inner voice jumps in and tells you how you are useless and fat you are, and so on.

You have made your family, your food, your body, the weather, any thing you blame for your current condition the villain.

Every victim needs a villain.

What if you made a decision to take control of your life in this area of weight loss? You acknowledge that you need to lose weight, you figure out where you are and where you want to be. Then you make a choice, one little step towards being a slimmer you. You recognize that you have a choice, you can make a decision to walk for 10 mins, You recognize you get to choose what food you want to eat, you get to choose when you eat and when you stop eating. You get to choose to stay a victim, or you get to choose to follow your new plan and create the life you want.

Each time you make a deliberate choice you are shutting down the insidious, subtle victimness, that seeks to keep you a prisoner in your own life. Every time you make a decision to be responsible for the way you think and act you are taking the control of your life back.

The victim mentality is a loop of thoughts that spin round and round in your mind, they are usually triggered by an event in our past, and can be derailed by thinking new positive thoughts. Reading positive affirmations, gives your mind new thoughts to dwell on. Write on a card. ‘ I CAN DO HARD THINGS.” Carry this with you and when life feels hard or against you read it, and push forward.

This week I challenge you to spring clean your thinking, weed out the victim thinking that holds you back from laughing aloud, trusting that life does want you to have the best, to feel the joy of being alive. Make a step towards changing one area of your life that is creating pain and heart ache.

If you want to know more on how to break the cycle of being a victim in your life email me at authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

Until next time, be true to yourself and live you most authentic life.

Linda Codlin.