Change: The Constant of Life.

The only constant in life is CHANGE

FEAR is the thief of your DREAMS

BELIEF is the power of your DREAMS

Hello, My friends.

Emotions are fickle things. We are influenced by those around us, the circumstances that are happening in the world, in our country, or in our communities.

It has been said that the only constant in life is CHANGE.

How would it feel if you were the one in the driver’s seat of the change in your life?

Do you have any idea what kind of change you would want?

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, “If you could have, do, or be anything, what would you want to have, do or be.”

The other day I was listening to a friend asking a similiar question, She put it this way. “If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you attempt to do.” My first tendency was to roll my eyes, yes I know, I’ve heard and used this before.

I came home, sat in the sun and let my mind wander. It tossed those words around in my head, kind of like tasting the sweetness of a chewy lolly. What would I do if I knew that I couldn’t fail? I sat, letting my thoughts percolate.

I also mulled over a quote I’d read earlier in the week. “Give me a persons diary and bank statement, and I can tell you what that person values most in life.” Our time and money show what we value most in our lives. What would my diary and bank statement say about me?

Every day is a brand new opportunity to create the life we want to live..

Do you feel stuck? Do you wish life could be different? If only you had a different partner? Or if only you had more money? Or if your children were better behaved? Then your life would be so much better. The great news is the way you think about each of these things it makes it so.

Knowing where you are right now in this minute, gives you the power to look objectively at your life.

To know where you want to go, you have got to know where you are.

As a young girl, it was my dream to be a mother. It seemed like my entire life I was heading in that direction. I married a handsome young man who promised to be my prince charming, who I expected to rescue and save me. With in the first year of marriage our first child was on the way. I was about to be a mother.

At this stage in my life I was shy, I didn’t have a clue how to be an effective home maker, wife or mother. I was about to discover that change was a guaranteed in life.

I was eight months pregnant when we were involved in a serious car accident. Everyone in our car was unharmed, including the baby. We were blessed, our car however was not so fortunate. As a young couple living on a single income, getting the necessary repairs done to the car put a strain on our financial resources.

These were the days of my life, when getting by day to day, getting the dishes washed and dried, getting the laundry onto the line and folded took most of my time. I look back now and laugh at the young woman I was then. I was clueless. I had no structure and very little discipline.

Fast forward thirty odd years. My life has had many twists and turns. I am not so clueless when it comes to household management now. I am a structured and disciplined woman, I am getting to know myself better every year, which makes me stronger and better at living the life I want.

There have been many lessons along my life’s journey. The one I want to share today is that change is a constant. I wanted with all my heart to be a mum, and when I was I didn’t know how to parent. I learned by the school of hard knocks. At this time in my life, I didn’t have a sense of who I was or what my purpose in life was. I was surviving. Getting through each day trying to be who I thought a wife should be. Comparing myself to other women in the church I was going to. My self talk (which I didn’t even know was a thing) was always negative and self defeating. I never measured up to the high standards I felt everyone placed on me. I was unhappy and didn’t even know it. I thought this was what life was about. I thought the glimpses of contentment I felt in pleasing others was how life was supposed to be.

Now I know I have a choice. I get to choose what I think about myself. i get to choose to love myself and be myself. I get to discover what it is I like to eat. What movies I like to watch, the style of clothes I want to wear.

I want you to know if you have ever felt like someone else is running your life, that you have the chance to make a change. You can change your life from the inside out. And when you do it sticks, it becomes your identity, not like when you’re trying to please some-one from the the outside, by your behaviour.

I am not the same person I was all those years ago as a new wife and mother. I have gained confidence in myself, and in my abilities to trust my inner instincts.

I want this for you. I want you to learn to trust you. You live with yourself every day, you know what feels good and right. You know the action to take that will make the difference to your life. I want to give you the courage to be yourself and step into the world of change. Step into the person you have always wished to be.

Look at where you are today, what you believe about your life and your identity. Does it feel true to you? Do your results: the culmination of your time and money reflect your true values. If not today is a great day to begin creating the results you do want.

What do you really want? What did you want as a child? Who did you want to be as a teen? What did your dream vocation look like? What was it about that vocation that attracted you?

Were you attracted to fame, and attention? or were you some-one who wanted to help others? Or maybe you were concerned about the environment and geology? Was being a business owner something you aspired to?

Look at the what you wanted and then at the why? Ask yourself if I knew I couldn’t fail would I still want to be, do, or have what it was you wanted as a youngster? Maybe you think it’s too late now to pursue that vocation. Look at the why you wanted it, has your motivation changed or is it still the same? how can you fulfill that desire? If you couldn’t fail and you had everything you needed to achieve your ideal, would you have the courage to follow your heart?

I believe we, each and every one of us, has everything we need to become the great person we have always hoped, thought, and dreamed we could be, inside of us.

Most of us are too afraid to take the step of faith and follow our dreams. Fear is the thief of dreams, Belief is the power of dreams.

Believe in yourself. Take a step of faith into the one certain thing of life, CHANGE.

Remember: What you believe is determined by the way you think.

The way you think creates the way you feel.

The way you feel determines how you act or react.

Choose your life on purpose and choose the thoughts that create the feelings you want to move into your dream life.

Struggles are optional.

Change is a constant.

Until next week, set your compass on purpose and steer your life on a course you want to travel. Be your most authentic self.

Linda Codlin.

Want help to discover your passion, your purpose, and release your inner self.

Email me for a coaching session.

authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

@lindacodlin25

Invisible Cords That Hold You Back

We can get lost in our pain,

We can also find and cut all the cords that keep us tied to it.

It is time to live again.

Quote by Roxana Jones Picture by Dorothea Oldani unsplash.com

Hello, My friends.

This week saw us heading out in the early morning, fishing. Surf-casting to be precise. The sun rise and the snow capped mountain were stunning. We were the only two on the beach, perfect. The only thing wrong with this picture was the amount of fish we were catching. It turns out the crabs were hungrier than the fish and stripped out bait relentlessly. No fresh fish this time, lots of fresh air and good company. Totally enjoyed our outing.

Last week I mentioned I’d talk about forgiveness. So, this week I’m going to jump in and tell you how I go about forgiving myself and those who hurt me inadvertently and purposefully.

First, let’s have a look at what forgiveness is. Forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. When we carry the hurt of some-one else’s actions, or in-actions, words or beliefs within us, we carry a heavy burden. This burden causes us pain, and stress, it creates tension in our bodies, we are not at ease with ourselves or those we hold a resentment towards. Anger, stress, pain, and distress does not care how it presents itself, it knows it needs relieving and tries to off load itself on anyone and anything within it’s vicinity.

Have you ever wondered why you snapped at a random stranger, who never did anything to you?

Your pain is looking for an out. Sometimes your pain buries itself deep in your body and causes illnesses, aches and headaches, that don’t seem to have any physical reason to be there. It could be your body is bearing the brunt of your emotional pain.

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Forgiveness lifts the burden of carrying the person who hurt you from your body and life. Forgiveness does not mean you forget, condone or excuse some-one else’s behaviour. Forgiveness does not mean you allow people to treat you poorly.

Forgiveness is the act of setting yourself free from the invisible cords that tie you to those who have harmed you. Imagine every-time you take offense at some-one’s words or actions, they send an invisible dart into your heart. Once the exchange is complete you nurse the hurt, and coddle it, you try to make sense of it. Each time you handle the hurt you are creating a stronger tie to the person who hurt you. Also ignoring it and letting it fester under the surface causes pain and grows the tie. How do you feel when-ever you see that person? Are you happy to see them or do you seethe a little, as looking at them reminds you of the way they treated you?

If forgiveness is not part of your daily life, you can have hundreds of invisible cords attached to your body. Have you ever thought to yourself that you feel like you’re being held back? That you’re weighed down? That you’re carrying a dead weight? Maybe you are, in the shape of some-one who has harmed you.

I discovered this system about a year ago, I was listening to a podcast, and the lady mentioned the format I use. While researching this further I discovered it is called the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono Meditation.

The way I use this system is to imagine the person I have had an altercation with is sitting opposite the table from me. I look at them in my minds eye, and I say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for …. and I list my part in the altercation, sometimes I’m sorry for how I think they feel, I’m sorry for their actions. ( I’m taking responsibility for my part in the altercation.) Let’s say he hit me, I say I’m sorry I let you hit me. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry…… I’m sorry. Coming from a place of remorse.

The next step I do is to say I forgive you, ( the system says please forgive me) I forgive you for hitting me, I forgive you for hurting me. I get as detailed as I can with how I feel they have wronged me and forgive them. I forgive you……

The next step is to say Thank You, thank you for teaching me how to stand up for myself, thank you for the good that has come from this. I look for the life lesson that this situation, event has taught me, and I thank it for my strength, my compassion. Whatever I learned from the altercation I Thank You.

The last step is to tell them I Love You. I choose to love you no matter how you treated me. I love you. I love you.

This system works. It’s like the Universe is listening, and going through the steps above releases all the invisible cords that are tying your heart down. You never actually have to speak to the person who hurt you, and you’ll find your attitude to them changes. You let go, the cords are broken and you are free.

I do this regularly with myself. I apologize to myself for not showing up for myself in the way I know I should. I forgive myself, I thank me for the lessons I am learning, and I tell myself I love me. Then I let it go.

Beating myself up is no longer an option. Being mean to myself is becoming less. I’m treating myself with more respect.

You can have this for your life too.

When you decide to take complete responsibility for everything in your life, you discover that you have the ability to change anything you don’t like in your life.

If you are in an unsafe space, seek the help you need to get free.

Put safe boundaries around yourself. Forgiveness is not a reason to allow anyone to physically or emotionally harm you.

Forgive:

Ask the Universe, God, Your Inner Self, Whoever you believe in, to show you the invisible cords keeping you tied to people and events that you want to let go of.

Step One: I’m Sorry

Step Two: Please Forgive Me. (I forgive you)

Step Three: Thank You

Step Four: I Love You

And enjoy the freedom of a light soul.

Till next time be your best self. Live your most authentic life, your way.

Linda Codlin

If you’d like to walk through this process with me, email me to organize a time for coaching.

Mentioned in today’s podcast:

Episode 19: I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love YouI Am Shiftable: A Meditation Podcast

A.N.G.E.R. is my friend.

Do you find yourself flying off the handle at the smallest of things? Do you have a ‘short’ fuse?

You can overcome anger, let me give you an incite to how I did.

When you can’t control what’s happening, Challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power lies.

Quote by gecko&fly.com

Hello, My Friends,

This week I have been sharing about anger.

Anger gets to tell us a lot about ourselves.

Have you had a look at what it is that continually ‘makes’ you angry?

Are your needs not being met by some-one you expect should be meeting them?

Do you feel that life isn’t giving you what you deserve? And watching others get ahead, makes your blood boil.

Are your efforts not being recognised, or is some-one else taking the credit for the work you have done?

Anger is your friend.

Anger will show you where you are feeling let down, hurt, hard done by, or unappreciated.

A. N. G. E. R.

Always

New

Gifts

Emotions

Reveal

How I began to overcome my issues with anger was to forgive myself. You know, for all the times I wasn’t the woman I knew I could be. For the high and unobtainable standards that I had for myself. The perfection I was always striving for and never, ever attaining.

Forgiveness of myself is an on-going process, I am human and as a human I make mistakes and I treat myself badly. I have those internal beat up sessions. You know the ones, Where you call yourself all the mean girl things, ( you’ll never get it right, you’re a lump of lard, why can’t you just …..) These are the hurtful words we wouldn’t allow others to say to us, without taking offence, yet we are so liberal with them on ourselves. These are the types of inner forgiveness that I am continually working on.

Secondly: I forgave those in my life, who I perceived, had done me wrong. This I must admit was not easy, Forgiving people from my past who I thought had created unwanted events in my life, caused me to struggle. I learned to forgive the kids for being kids and walking across my freshly polished kitchen floor, and for all the times they’d driven me crazy. At the same time I forgave myself for all the times I’d yelled at them, justified or otherwise. I forgave my parents for ‘everything’. I blamed them for almost every decision I had ever made. This too is an ongoing path on my journey of life. As I discover new and uncharted areas of my life, I also discover wounds that need healing and people and situations that need forgiving. (I will cover my process for forgiveness in another post).

The secret to making forgiveness easy, was when I learned that I am responsible for my life. Me and Me alone. I am the one who makes the choice to respond in what ever way I do.

Now I know some of you reading this won’t agree with me. I didn’t either when I started on this journey. Now I know that by taking the responsibility. I get to be response -able. My life became my choice and the power become mine to do something about what I didn’t like and what I did like. When I am response-able, I get to choose the response that will serve me best. It doesn’t matter what may happen to me from the outside. I get to choose from the inside whether the situation will make me bitter or better.

I also get to choose to put safe boundaries around myself and decide who does and does not get to come into my personal space. I get to choose how I allow other people treat me, or speak to me. ( This is another topic, I’ll cover in the future.)

It all started when I realized I could change my world by changing my thinking.

I could find the one word that described how I was feeling.

Anger was one of my default learned thinking patterns.

Once that word was on paper, I looked for the sentence that was running in the back ground. “How dare she speak to me like that!” “He makes me so mad when he doesn’t do….”

I looked for the emotion behind the words, What was it about the way she spoke to me that caused me to feel embarrassed, ashamed, hurt? Or what was it about him doing or not doing something that triggered my response?

It was usually because I didn’t think I was good enough, or worthy enough, that they didn’t love me, or that they were deliberately trying to hurt me.

Anger was my shield I put up to keep people out and away from realizing I had a low image of myself.

By forgiving myself and others, I could begin to treat myself with respect, to move closer to being happy with who I really am, on the inside. As I’ve become kinder and more loving to myself, it is safer to let other people into my circle of influence.

I have found that my anger evaporates before it causes harm, and if I have a flare up, I know how to disarm it and let it tell me what is going on under the surface.

What about you?

What are your anger triggers?

What do you do when anger shows up and feels uncontrollable?

I can show you how to make ANGER your best friend.

Email me on authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com for a coaching session.

You can live your best life, today.

Until next time be your kindest, most authentic self.

Linda Codlin

Anger is like venom

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than anything onto which it is poured.

Mark Twain

Anger is like a venom that brews silently within our souls.

It creates black clouds of doubt and jealousy.

Anger when it is unexposed can kill, friendships, marriages and the person holding onto it.

Anger is an emotion that is often stirred in our minds by thoughts of comparison.

We perceive that someone has a better something than we do.

Someone my say a comment and we see red instantly.

That person has hit a trigger within you. There is a hurt within you that hasn’t quite healed, or has been buried deeply, a hurt that you don’t want anyone to know about.

Your first reaction is to attack- you send your words out in a nasty flurry, turning the situation around onto the person who hit your trigger.

You are like a high powered weapon, letting off rounds of deadly poison aimed at anyone within reach.

This is a deflection tactic, if you can keep the other person on the defensive then they’ll never see the hurt that they triggered.

The truth is angry people show their triggers all the time. If an outside person where to sit and watch they would be able to see the hurt.

The uncomfortable part of working with your anger is learning to identify, first the trigger, and second the wound behind the trigger.

I believe we don’t need to unpack the past to move into the future.

We can accept the past event, take the lessons from it.

Forgiveness is a vital step in the process of letting anger go. Of being free from the pain and hurt of past events. When you forgive your self and others, a weight is lifted off your shoulders.

If you would like to work more on moving past anger, email me for a coaching session.

authenticlivingwithlinda@gmail.com

I can help you regain your inner composure, be at peace with yourself and tame the unruly tiger within that feels like it is driving your life.

Linda Codlin

10 Anger Control Tips

This week I’ll be investigating ways to Control Our Anger.

Anger Control Tips

1. Breathe: Take a 5 second pause.

2. Think. What has triggered this re-action? What do you want to happen now? What thoughts are fuelling your anger?

3. Plan. What do you want to say? Be mindful of your tone, your body language and the words you use.

4. Re-cover your calm. Speak clearly with control. Use “I feel,” statements.

5. Treat yourself and others with respect always, kindness costs nothing, it gives so much.

6. Breathe, and reflect. What happened? Did you respond the way you wanted? How would you handle yourself next time?

7. Identify, What triggered your anger? Do you have control over this trigger? Can you change it? What measures can you put in place?

8. Move your body. Disperse the residue emotion of anger.

9. Let it go. Holding on to resentment is like hanging onto a wild dog. It burns your energy and gives nothing in return.

10. Celebrate your successes. Each time you improve celebrate.

Leave me a comment if you have found this helpful. @lindacodlin

Stingrays Over Head, Happy Faces and Anger.

There is nothing wrong with anger provided you use it constructively.

Wayne Dyer

It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either. Wayne Dyer

Hello, My Friends.

I have been away visiting with my daughter and her children. The weather was wet and cold, It makes me appreciate the warmth from the fire. On the Friday before I returned home both daughters, 6 children and I went through the National Aquarium of New Zealand. A fabulous space, lots of history and sea life. We had the privilege of watching the sharks being fed by two divers through a clear tunnel. The fish know the routine of when and where they get fed.

There were two things I liked. The first was the stingray being fed, he came up to the diver sideways, snapped up the fish, then went gliding over our heads so we could see his happy face smiling at us. The second was a huge turtle, who initially was difficult to distinguish from the background when he was resting in the corner, looking like one of rocks. I was totally blown away by the size and gracefulness of this turtle as he swam in the enclosure.

This week I’ve been pondering a couple of questions?

What is it that annoys me about people showing anger?

Why do I need to try to make those feeling anger feel better?

Since I’ve been staying with children, who tend to get upset rather vocally, and show there anger when things don’t go as they want. This particular anger alarm button was pushed a few times while I was away.

I found myself wanting to smooth things over and reinstate the peace, when tempers flared. Their mum on the other hand, allowed the children to feel the emotion, and express it safely, as they wanted, while they worked their way through the issue that caused the flare up.

It has been interesting to note that once the situation is over, it is over. The children don’t seem to harbour any ill will with their siblings.

In comparing this to my childhood, where anger was an emotion that wasn’t allowed to be shown and definitely not expressed. Resentment seemed to run high, and continued on into adulthood until it was deliberately looked at and acknowledged.

Back to the anger. What emotion does anger show? Anger for me is an emotion that rises when I feel someone has trodden on one of my “rights”, That I haven’t been treated fairly, or someone close to me hasn’t been treated as they deserve.

The dictionary defines anger as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. We often associate anger as a negative emotion, one to be avoided, or squelched. Sometimes we’ll eat to cover our anger, or gamble, drink, shop, or work to avoid having to face the things that trigger our anger.

As an adolescence I learned to use my anger to get things done. I could chop wood as good as my brothers, clean the house, even taking up running was an escape to stop feeling the angry emotions.

Now all these years later I’m learning how to live my life by accepting my anger, and letting it sit in my life. Investigating with intrigue what my perceived right was that I felt was violated. I’m learning I don’t actually have to do anything with the feelings. They are only energy vibrations moving about in my body. Anger is my friend and is trying to tell me something about the situation I am in.

With the children over this last week, I was not directly involved in any of the altercations, although, I struggled to sit on the outside and listen to the angry voices of the children as their mum calmly talked them through the situation. I asked myself why their anger was having such a strong re-action within me? What was the belief that I had around the unhappy, strongly expressed emotions of the children.

I discovered that like many people of my ‘generation’ I grew up in the age where children were meant to be seen but not heard. We were taught on a subconscious level to be invisible. Not to make a fuss, not to make a noise, and certainly yelling and crying were things you did in private away from everyone else. We were taught you ignored the unpleasant and got on with the task at hand, or you created a task to get on with to distract yourself. Happiness was acceptable, unhappiness was not.

Now my question to you is. Do you have a reaction to your anger or to anyone else’s anger? What do you do with your angry feelings?

Are they allowed to be? Without you having to take any action to down play them, or to avoid them.

What would happen if you sat with them and let them show you where you feel that something in your life is unfair, where one of your ‘rights’ have been violated?

Then what would happen if you took action to put safe boundaries around the place of the unfairness or violation, coming from love and respect for yourself, rather than anger at the other person, or yourself.

By taking charge of your emotion you gain control over your life. You get to choose how you feel, about what you’re feeling and what behaviour you will and will not accept in your life. When you come from a place of love and self-respect you will receive that back.

The manner in which you gain anything determines the outcome of that thing.

There is no happy ending to an unhappy journey.

Anger is an emotion. The thought behind the emotion is what drives you to act or react.

In my case the thought was a belief from my childhood that children should be seen and not heard. Which can be translated to ‘angry and unpleasant emotions’ are not to be seen.

In my choosing to investigate this thought without judgement or condemnation, I can change it and choose a better thought about how to deal with mine or anyone else’s anger.

This change in thought, gives you back the power in your life.

When making a choice, choose from a place of love and self-respect this builds confidence in yourself and gets you closer to what you want you in your life.

1/ Identify the emotion: It will always be one word. (Angry)

2/ Identify the thought behind the emotion: It will be the sentence you are thinking about. (Children should be seen and not heard)

3/ Ask: Does this thought serve me? Does it lead me in a direction I want to go? Does it empower me?

4/ If the answer to any of the above questions are NO: Choose a different thought. (Anger is my friend and tells me something about this situation.)

5/ Decide on purpose if any action needs to be taken. Choose action that gives you power from a place of love and self-respect.

6/ Everything you do or don’t do is determined by a feeling. Identify the feeling you want to feel and create it on purpose.

There is always a split second between someone or somethings action and your re-action, learn to use this time to pause, to think, then to choose your action.

Remember: Thoughts create beliefs. Thoughts also create feelings. Feelings create Actions. Actions create habits and habits create your life.

Choose the best thoughts.

Till next time. Be your most authentic self.

Linda Codlin

Clarify your desires- 5 Blocks to be aware of.

CLARITY comes from knowing what you WANT and from moving in the direction of it.

Your soul is guiding and supporting you every stp of the way.

Quote by Sue Krebs Photograph by Karina Lago -unsplash.com

Hello, My friends.

A couple of weeks ago we went from being a two car family, to a single car family. My reasoning was now that I’m working from home I don’t need the car so much. Until last week, when everyday I had an outside the house appointment. I learned more new things about the city bus timetables, drop off and pick up points. The greatest inconvenience for me was, all the waiting time. In the car you drive to your appointment, when finished you drive home. On the bus, I had to walk to the bus stop. (I only just made it, The kind driver waited the few seconds for me to hustle aboard.) It took 30 mins longer to get home, although I did get to see sights I haven’t seen before.

This week I’m visiting my daughter and her three children, without a car. Oh my goodness! Five hours! On a bus, when it usually takes about 3 hours in the car. I did enjoy the privilege of being able to study while travelling, and the stress free environment. I have taken the privilege of owning a car for granted, I’ve always just packed the car and left for whatever my destination was.

I have a new found respect for people who travel using public transport. I also have a new way of viewing the world that until a few weeks ago never occurred to me.

That’s the thing about blind spots, we don’t know we have them until we are exposed to something or someone who reveals them to us.

This week I want to talk about Clarity.

Especially when it comes to our goals, and wants.

Let’s take a little detour and clarify what I mean when I talk about goals and wants.

Goals can be long term or short term, they can be personal, professional, financial, spiritual, relationship orientated. A goal is a desired result you want in your life. It is something you aim to be or do or have, or somewhere you aim to go to.

A want is something you don’t have in your life now, it is something you would like to have, be or do in your life.

A want is personal to you. No -one can tell you want you want. You get to choose what it is you want. You get to make that choice for yourself. There’s only one thing about your want, and that is you have to like your reason your wanting it (and as a sub clause, that it won’t cause harm to anyone else.) Think about this for a minute, what do you really want, no apologies, no excuses, no justifications. You want it because you want it. It can be anything from the car you drive, to the body you live in, to the house you want, to the clothes and style you wear. It can be the coffee you drink, the jewelry you wear, the colour and style of your hair. Maybe your want is to travel the world. You get to want what you want just because.

Back to clarity. When you don’t have clarity you often live in confusion, not knowing what you want, or not being able to make a decision between two choices. Confusion leads you to inaction. Confusion keeps you in the place of paralysis, stuck like a possom in the head lights of a car, not being able to make a decision to move one way or the other.

What blocks you from having clarity?

Not knowing what you want. Do you know what you want?

What is it that you desire? The thing that burns in your belly. The desire that frightens and excites you at the same time.

The word desire means of the sire, or of the father. It is something deep inside you seeking to come out. The Universe wants to experience that desire through you, You are the vessel to fulfill that desire, no-one else can do it, it is designed for you and only you. When you make peace with your desires you can move into creating them.

One of the blocks to having clarity of your desire is that you judge what you want.

Have you ever said or thought, “I can’t do this, I’m no good at…..” You Judge your want as good or bad according to someone else’s value system. Maybe you believe that because your life is good now you shouldn’t want more. You wouldn’t want your desire if you weren’t meant for it. We are here to grow and to extend our lives, to become more than we are now. You get to want what you want, you must like why you want it. Ask yourself the question? Why do I desire this…… ? Write down the answer, then ask the same question again? Drill down till you find your true reason for wanting your desire? You must like your reason why. No apology or No judgement, Be at peace with why you want what you want.

The second block to having the clarity of your desire is that you fear other people will judge you for what you want.

I’ll let you into a little secret. People are always judging you and me. (What other people think about you is none of your business.) Some-one, somewhere has an opinion on your life. They don’t get to live your life or to feel your regret if you don’t follow your desire. They’re going to judge anyway, whether you do or whether you don’t follow your desire. So you might as well do what you really want. No apology, no judgement, no regret.

The third block to your gaining the clarity of your desire is that you think your dreams and desires are not possible.

Being the person you are today, and the way you think today- it’s not possible. You need to ask. Who do I need to become to achieve this dream/desire? What skills, new ways of thinking, and being, do I need, to become the person of my desires?

TO CREATE WHAT YOU’VE NEVER HAD: YOU HAVE TO BECOME SOME-ONE YOU’VE NEVER BEEN.

One way to do this is to play a game with yourself. Imagine you are nearing the end of your life, you have followed your dream and lived the desires you now want. Ask yourself who you had to become to achieve your desire. Listen to the answer and write it down. Begin to live it, practice it, continue to ask questions of your future self. Feel how it feels to have your desire.

Believe what you want- Practice how it feels to have it already. Look to your future, think about how you would need to think to achieve your desire, it is possible, as you grow and change you will find your belief becomes stronger and your desire becomes reality.

The fourth block preventing you from achieving clarity is you want everything at once.

When you want it all now you split your energy and end up taking very little action on any of your desires. Write down all the things you want to have, be and do. (I will cover this in more detail at a later date.) Then choose one desire to make your goal for this year, (or the rest of this year.) Choose the desire that excites you the most. Focus your energy on this one thing.

Now, some of you may be concerned that you have chosen the wrong thing, and it won’t make you happy. Another little life secret, Happiness is an inside job, you carry it with you all the time, you need to learn to tap into it whenever you want to. Your feelings are dependent on what you think.

So choose a desire, make a decision, and commit to it. Then begin, research what you need to know, make a list of actions, be super specific, break every area into it’s smallest part. Ask yourself. How will I know that I’ve achieved it? Become very focused.

The fifth and final block is asking, How am I going to do it?

How is a question that produces overwhelm. You will know how when you have the result you desire. How is none of your business. Live in the What? and the why? Dwell on these questions. What do I need to do next? Who do I need to become to do this next step? Why? Remember your true why and use it as motivation to move forward.

You will face obstacles, be prepared for them, they are here to help you grow and learn what doesn’t work so you can find what does work. Keep taking inspired action, keep asking your future self for advice, Listen to your body, How does your body feel, and react. Learn to identify that excitement that leads you forward.

Clarity is yours. Ask the right questions and the best answers will follow. Ask yourself what it is you really, really, really want, and have wanted for as long as you can remember. Find your deepest why, the why that ignites your fire, and begin the journey to a life of passion and fulfillment.

Until next time, Be your most authentic self.

Linda Codlin.

Fossils and You!

You have unlimited ability,

You have everything you will ever need,

The only obstacle to having it all….

Is you.

Hello, My Friends,

We have had some glorious weather this week. Hubby and I went exploring different beaches this week. We found one with a beautiful little waterfall, flat black sand as far you can see. The sea was almost fish-able, and the rocks that had fallen from the cliffs were intriguing, the way the layers piled onto of each other, the fossilized shells embedded in hardened stone.

Some of our habits are a bit like those rocks.

I’m sure the shellfish didn’t want to be immortalized, stuck in stone.

Once upon a time they were living and breathing, going about their daily business of collecting food. When an event happened that ended everything for them. Now they are a relic of the past, that tells us a story about a life before we existed.

What will the history of our habits say about us?

Interesting fact. History is often told through the bias of the one telling it. How I perceive an event, and how a child perceives the same event can be very different. How some-one looking on from the outside interprets that same event will be determined by their world view. Some-one having lived through a trauma will have a different view of the event than a person reading about it.

Today I want to share how our habits can stop us in our tracks. We all have habits, the things we do without thinking about them. Some have been trained into us, like brushing our teeth. Others we picked up from observation. On the train to the city a couple of weeks ago, I noticed a young boy wearing his school uniform, I’d say he’d have been about six, he walked beside his dad who towered over him. The lad chattered happily away with his dad, who bent sideways at times to hear what was being said. I watched with interest as they fell into stride with each other, the lad skipping now and then to keep up. This young boy already the stature of his dad, he stood straight, shoulders back, and held himself with a degree of composure even when he was skipping and jumping. I would think that this boy, walking like his dad would be an unconscious act, to him it is just the way they move, not really thought about or looked at.

Our habits can be very subtle. They show up when we least expect them.

A habit is formed by an action repeated over and over. Have you tried changing a habit? Is it easy?

If you write with your right hand, have you tried writing with your left? Or visa versa? Does it work very well? How does it feel?

What stops you from continuing to write with your non dominant hand? Is it that your words are unreadable? Could it be it’s so much faster to write with your dominant hand? How did you decide which was your dominant hand? Was it decided for you as a child? How long have you been writing this way?

Writing is a habit, you learned it, it’s a skill. You could learn to use your non dominant hand if you chose to. Why do you choose not to?

You may have heard the analogy that your brain is like an iceberg.

An iceberg sits in the ocean, the icecap that you see above the water is about 20% of the entire iceberg, the other 80% is where it can’t be seen underwater. It was the unseen iceberg that sunk the Titanic.

It is the unseen – unconscious part of your brain, the 80% that determines what you do, the conscious 20% is what you use to reason and think, learn and use to decipher what your senses are telling you.

The 80% subconscious mind is used to store all the information you have ever read, watched, heard, felt, seen, tasted or touched. This area is your personal super computer.

As a child your super computer didn’t have a filter, everything was taken as real and believed.

This is why young children appear to be so gullible, they cannot distinguish between what is true and what is fantasy. As you grow and mature you become aware and able to determine what is fact and what isn’t. However your super computer holds onto everything, and if your brain is not reprogrammed it will over-ride any action that you are taking that it deems is unfamiliar and likely to cause harm.

This is the main reason why changing your behaviour is so hard. The Subconscious mind holds your beliefs about who think you are? What you think you deserve in life? How you deserve to be treated? What type of career you should pursue? The type of people you mix with. Your subconscious mind has a finger in every aspect of your life.

Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to earn more money? Have a look at what you really think and believe about money?

Have you ever wondered why you keep choosing the man/woman you do for a partner? Have a look at who you believe you are, and who you believe you are worthy off.

Have you felt like you just weren’t good enough? Pretty enough? Rich enough? Slim enough? Smart enough? Talented enough? Well enough? Active enough? You name it. Not enough.

All these beliefs are in your subconscious mind, and your thoughts are the key to begin to reprogramme your subconscious mind.

In future episodes I will share with you some techniques that have worked for me in changing the programming that determines where I am heading, what I believe about myself and my abilities to have what I really want from my life.

Remember: Thoughts change beliefs, when repeated often enough a new thought creates a new neural pathway in your brain and this is what creates the feelings that allow you to have the drive to create the actions, that will create the new habits which lead you to a more fulfilling life.

My challenge for you this week is to have a look at what you do and why you do it? Is it taking you in the direction you want to go? Look for the thought and feeling behind your action. Does it help you get what you want in your life now? If not find a better thought and practice it until becomes natural and easy.

Till next time: Be curious about yourself, Be your best authentic self.

And leave me a review if you like this.

Linda Codlin.

Approve and Validate the most important asset you’ll ever have.

Our problem is that we make the mistake of comparing ourselves with other people. You are not inferior or superior to any human being….. Only ever compare your accomplishments to your capabilities. Never with any one else’s.

Zig Ziglar Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Hello, My Friends,

This past week has been so inspiring. I went to the Capital City for a five day course. I met the most diverse yet wonderful group of women. Women who come from wide and varied backgrounds, and all over New Zealand. These women have skills and abilities I have never thought about, they are real and embracing their lives and everything that entails.

Today I want to share a story.

Once upon time about 50 odd years ago, Mama and Papa were expecting a baby. On this particular Sunday the Mama went for a walk up the mountain, and on her return the baby decided today was a great day for a grand entry. The little girl arrived as babies do, and grew up in her little one horse town.

When she was five, the family moved to a three horse town. She progressed through the education system, not feeling overly academic, she picked up the idea that she was somehow inferior to others.

Carrying this chip on her shoulder she lived her life in a kind of dull despair, knowing life wasn’t what she wanted but never quite discovering what was missing.

Fast forward to her middle aged years, She’s been through her share of life disappointments and hurts. On her travels she discovered she wasn’t broken, and she wasn’t inferior, she was exactly who she was meant to be.

Sitting in a room of well dressed executive type woman triggered an emotion she hadn’t felt for some time. A twinge of inferiority surfaced, She had been thinking, “I’m not like these woman, I come from a little country town, I have nothing to give.” As she thought these words, her behaviour became more withdrawn and isolating. She didn’t participate as enthusiastically as she had previously.

She began looking to these women for approval. Realizing what was going on she took herself aside and counselled herself. Lovingly, she revealed the monster that had woken to stir up strife. Acknowledging that he was there, she asked the inferiority what it wanted her to learn.

Start treating yourself

As if you are the most important asset you’ll ever have.

After all , Aren’t you.

Anonymous

This week I want to have a look at VALIDATION

The Dictionary claims validation is the action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of something.

1/ The action of making or declaring something legally or officially acceptable.

2/ The recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.

We as human beings are wired for connection. When you believe you are less than someone else, you don’t tend to show up as your best self. You often go looking for approval from people who are in no position to give you approval, and if you don’t get their approval in a way you think you should, or a way that you believe you deserve, your self esteem drops further down the I love myself scale.

Seeking out approval from others changes the way you see yourself, it warps the way you think about yourself and this in turn alters the way you behave to yourself and to those around you. If you think you need the approval of others to know how to act and think it changes what you believe about yourself.

When you learn to trust yourself, one tiny little action at a time, you build belief and success that you do know what you want, that you are important, that your point of view does count.

As you begin to build that trust and self confidence in who you are, you discover you are not broken, and that your feelings and opinions are valuable. You find connection and support with others as an equal, from a place of inner power and strength.

You find you are worthwhile and your ideas are meaningful and contribute to the well-being of others around you.

Validation in a healthy environment offers understanding, and connection. It draws people together, it communicates that your relationship with others is important and solid even in the face of disagreements.

Validation gives acceptance and recognises the thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviours of another as real and understandable. Validation in a healthy environment creates a space for growth in all parties.

Approval is an inside job. It begins inside you. Approval accepts that you are where you are, that you have made mistakes and done stupid things. Self approval is the beginning of self forgiveness. It is the beginning of you knowing you are worthy, you are enough, and you are valuable. With no qualifiers, no because’s, no buts, no should’s and no-one else’s opinion.

You are enough. Full stop.

Before asking someone else for their opinion, check in with yourself. Ask yourself a few pointed questions like… What do I really think about this? Do I like my reason for thinking this? Is my point of view reasonable? Is my opinion different to my peers? If so how? If not why not? Challenge the normal things you say and think? Validate yourself, back yourself, trust that you actually do know what is best for you.

How could you you validate yourself, give yourself the recognition and affirmation that you are worthwhile and valuable?

What would self validation look like to you?

How will you know if you are being validated by yourself or by others? What does self validation feel like in your body? Where does it sit? What colour is it, if it were a colour?

Validation is realizing your true and authentic self, giving yourself the authority to be you. It gives you the operational right to be the driver in your own seat, taking responsibility for your life.

This week have a wee peek to see where you get your validation from. Does it come from with in you or from some one outside of you. Tap into your authentic self this week and let your positive self worth overflow into someone close to you.

REMEMBER: Thoughts practiced over and over become your belief systems.

THOUGHTS create FEELINGS, FEELINGS create ACTIONS, and ACTIONS create a WELL LIVED LIFE.

Until next time; Be your truest self. Everyone else is taken.

Linda Codlin

How do you learn?

The capacity to LEARN is a gift;

The ability to LEARN is a skill;

The willingness to LEARN is a choice.

Brian Herbert Picture by Marcus Spiske unsplash.com

Hello, My Friends,

Life has returned to normal in our household. The cats come in out of the rain and the cold to take the warmest seat in the house. I am loving my new kitchen, concocting wonderful meals with ease and style. Being winter, the candelabra spreads its dappled light over the dining room creating a wonderful intimate ambiance, just right for dinner for two.

This week I’ve been pondering about learning styles, not everyone learns in the same manner. Research shows there are many ways to break down the way we learn. For today I’m going with seven ways.

I want to start with this paraphrase of Dr. Thomas Armstrong’s quote. ” If your child (You) sticks out one iota from the norm- in other words if your child (or you) shows your true individual nature, there is the danger that you will be discriminated against or stuck with a label and treated like a category instead of a real human being.”

These labels implied that you were disabled or handicapped in some way. How often have we been labelled as “not having a musical bone in her body” Or “He’ll never be any good at …… he just doesn’t have it in him.” I believe these labels give a false reading of who you are and what you can achieve.

Recognizing your style of learning will assist you in understanding some of the blocks you may have to learning, growing and improving your life, the way you know you can and want to. Also it may help you to understand why you love to do some activities and shy away from others.

The seven learning styles and what they may mean to you.

1/ Verbal. -(Linguistic) Verbal people love words, they enjoy words in speaking and in writing. They are avid readers, and enjoy word puzzles. People with this learning style thrive as broadcasters, copy writers, authors, teachers, actors, public speakers, journalists and lawyers. Verbal children often learn to read and talk early and excel in the educational realm.

2/ Physical -(Kinesthetic) Physical people use their bodies, hands and touch to learn. These are the “Hands-on-learners” they love doing things with their hands and body. People with this learning style are doers, they are tactile, they experience the world through their senses, they like to manipulate things manually. They use their body with precision. Kinesthetic people are professional athletes, dancers, craftsmen, they create sculptures, love DIY, are mechanics and have superb fine motor skills.

3/ Logical – (Mathematical) Logical people recognize patterns, make decisions from a place of logic and reason. They love puzzles and riddles, who dun-it mysteries, and thrive in an ordered environment. Mathematics, strategies and problem solving are their strengths. People with this learning style thrive as accountants, statisticians, computer programmers, scientists and engineers.

4/ Social -(Interpersonal) Social people are great communicators, often appearing to have “The-gift-of-the-gab” they learn best in group settings. They are compassionate and empathetic, they can organise and communicate clearly to people what needs to be done. Social people thrive on people contact and make great doctors, nurses, psychologists, teachers, leaders, politicians and social workers.

5/ Aural-(Auditory-Musical) Aural people learn through sound and music. They excel at listening and hearing. The aural learner prefers learning through podcasts, auditory lectures and singing. They interpret musical forms and ideas, they sing little jingles to memorize important information. Aural people understand and respond emotionally to music, they are suited to being composers, music teachers, instrument makers, conductors and directors of music. They sing and play in choirs, bands, and orchestras. Aural people are the ones tapping their feet or fingers to the beat of the music and are not aware they are doing it.

6/ Solitary -(Intrapersonal) Solitary people learn and work best alone, independently. Generally they like to be on their own, in quiet surroundings. These people usually have great imagination, self management, and time management skills. They like to journal and are tune with their emotions. Solitary people do well as planners, small business owners, social workers, counselors and psychologists. Also due to their ability to tune into their emotions they thrive as authors and artists.

7/ Visual -(Spatial) Spatial people learn with pictures, colours and images, also by watching and observing. They understand graphs and charts, make lists and bullet points for everything. They create with colour, perceiving, representing and interpreting the world around them. Visual people are best suited as interior designers, artists, illustrators, photographers, computer graphic designers, inventors and architects. They are extremely creative transforming visual ideas into imaginative and expressive creations.

As you read over these learning styles you may recognise yourself in a few. Were you the child who was always humming and tapping their fingers on the table to an imaginary beat? or were you the child who was fidgeting and always being told to sit still, when your body wanted to be moving. Maybe you were the child who took themselves off into a quiet corner somewhere away from the crowds and thought you were different to everyone else.

Were you the quiet child, who was compared to your social sibling, or were you the hands on kid who got compared to the “book worm” scholastic kid who loved reading and writing. Were you the child who loved to talk, and where told to “shut up” “you like the sound of your own voice”.

Can you see where you fit into the learning styles? You were never broken, you have always learned the way you were supposed to.

Have you always had a hankering to do or be something that you’re not doing or being right now and thought that your wanting it wasn’t for you because it doesn’t fit with the expectations of others. What would happen if you dreamed a little about what it is you really want, no apologies or excuses? Is it possible to dabble a little and see if you really would like it? Maybe your career up to this point has been a struggle and now you can see that your true skills are in another avenue.

I challenge you this week to think about your learning styles and incorporate them into your everyday, to let yourself be a little more who you were made to be. To take the pressure off yourself, stop trying to be like someone else, and become more like yourself.

Remember: We are what we believe to be true.

Who do you believe you are? And, Who do you believe you are not? These are your choices.

What is your style?

Until next time, explore what makes you work the way you do, to become your best authentic self.

Linda Codlin